The First 500 Runs ~ June 10, 2000 - December 5, 2007

(What Remains of it Anyways)

Page Last Updated: Sunday, August 15, 2010

500		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Pap Smear led the 500th run from the parking lot of 11th and Ellis.  It was a long run consisting of a trip over to the highlander and then to green streets.  The hares lost half of their flour so it was hell on the hounds to find all 5 beer stops.  The on after was back at the highlander.
499		Chicken Fried Butt Sex  and Pap Smear led a group from the North Augusta Boat Ramp on a merry chase that involved a lot of steep hills and shiggy and a large culvert.  Trail was notable for the 1st beer stop and how the hounds circled around the hares hiding spot for 45 minutes but were never offered beer.  It was also the scene of a possible world record of naughty checks.  The on after was at the highlander.
498		Queen La Queefa and Jizz Mop started us out at high noon-ish from Eisenhower Park.  We wandered up and over the overpass, through dense shiggy, and ended up doing an A to B instead of the intended A to A.   We had no virgins, teners,  or returners so the hares drank for their many transgressions.  There was some minor lost property.  FRB was Cumming on Fuzz, Bridesmaid was Puppycakes, and DFL was Pixel Dick.  The on after was at Loco's.
497		Covergirl led the group from 11th and Ellis on what was perceived to be a pubcrawl.  Crawl we did, past almost every qualified pub.   As Pixel exclaimed, "there was Pabst stacked up in the window and he still didn't stop".  Trail of course sucked and Covergirl didn't bring the hash shit award as usual.   Profelactic made his bi-annual trek to hash with us frozen Minneapolis.  Teen Beat wandered down from Reading H3.  FRB was Jizz Mop, Bridesmaid was Puppycakes, and DFL was Covergirl as he couldn't remember shit about who came in last.  The on -after was at the Daiquiri bar which gave us a bunch of free drink cards on our 3rd beer stop.
496		Can't Talk Gotta Pee hosted the Anal Thanksgiving Pot Luck at his home.  There  was an abundance of food and beverage and all was well with the world.  It was a costume event and the only one to come in costume was Dead Peter Beater.  There was trail with Baglady being the FRB and Pixel Dick being the DFL.  Holy Water Douche being the Bridesmaid.  Covergirl brought one of the hashshit awards out of hiding and received it due to his obvious fondness for it.  There were plenty of returners and nary a virgin in site..  In attendance were Can't Talk Gotta Pee, Pixel Dick, Dead Peter Beater, Dances with Balls, THUD, Holy Water Douche, Hardly Ever Comes, Summer's Eve, Yeasty Boy, Prairie Ho, Baglady, Puppycakes, Poop Chute Recruit, Stinky Pinky, No Name Patricia, Queen La Queefa, Jizz Mop, Hershey Highway, O Bozo Where Art Thou, and Covergirl.
495		Puppycakes and Baglady led a group from the safety of the Highlander's $5 pitchers and into the shiggy of the nearby woods.  It was a military theme so we were well prepared except for the squids.  The trail was short but laden with briars and obstacles.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Can't Talk Gotta Pee was the Bridesmaid and Covergirl was the DFL.  We had one virgin and  one tenner came forth as Jizz Mop had 170 runs.  The book was absent so it was not known that Queen La Queefa had 240, Spank My Spuds had 120, and Bone Diggler had 20.  There were many liars present and trail was determined to have sucked.  Females outnumbered the men 9 to 8 so the men drank.  Everybody had a whistle so the hares drank.  We had a naming as No Name Nita  threatened to fall down a well if she was not named.  She will now and forever be known as "Goes down Hard, AKA Thud".  The on-after was in the Highlander where Lost Circle Jerk made his yearly appearance albeit after the fact.    Present for trail were Puppycakes, Baglady, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Queen La Queefa, Jizz Mop, Can't Talk Gotta Pee, Hershey Highway, Spank My Spuds, Foreskin King, Fecal Handler, Covergirl,  Dances With Balls, Cumming on Fuzz, Summer's Eve, Bone Diggler, Goes Down Hard AKA Thud, No Name Brianna.
494		Chicken Fried Butt Sex started us from Eisenhower Park at 11am on a Saturday so the turn out was weak.  No one under 169 runs showed up except for the reporter from the Chronicle.  We were interviewed and filmed.    FRB was Queen La Queefa, Bridesmaid was No Name Joe, and DFL was Pixel Dick.  Jizz Mop was rewarded for 169 runs and Puppycakes was a tener with 460 as was Baglady with 420.  Trail sucked and was mostly shiggy.  The on-after was at Somewhere in Augusta.
493		Cover Girl lead the pack on one of the trickiest runs since the Red Dress Run.  It was a toga theme and took some innovative thinking to get the bimbos to warm up to the idea of taking off their coats and showing off their outfits.  The weather was consistent with the lack of RA for most of the run as it was colder outside than a Roman Goddess's tit.  The first beer stop was at Joe's Underground and I don't recall seeing much trail on the way there.  The good news was there were no decision points on this leg of trail.  The ice cold beer warmed us up and all was good.  The second leg (and last as this was an A to B run) of trail was the trickiest.  It included a decision point and a pi squared check.  Not surprisingly, Summers Eve's pi was clean as a whistle, on-on.  Finally the nearly straight trail lead us to the Playground where, oddly enough, we played, and drank, and circled, and swung low, and on-after-ed (best popcorn in town), and karaoked.  Hershey Highway and Pap Smear checked in at the beginning. Cover Girl, Pixel Dick, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Summers Eve, Fecal Handler, and the Foreskin King trekked the entire trail.  Bozo, Where Art Thou?, No Name Troy, and Pap Smear joined us at the end.  All that attended are mentioned here.
492		Puppycakes, Queen La Queefa, and Queenie's Puss Puss led  the 6th Anal Red Dress Run.  It landed on a Halloween for the first time and it was our worst turn out.  Some would rather walk the streets with children or give crumb snatchers candy than go and forage for beer.  For a Halloween the streets were very empty and only a couple of costumes were seen.  Stops were at the Playground and the Renaissance Bar.  The hounds were to heavy with make up to drink the hare's beer so there were only two beer stops.  Trail was a figure 8 but some made it into the Roman number version of VIII as week old trail threw some for  an extra loop or two.  There is a slide show on the web to commemorate our fine event.
491		The Anal Hashoween party was held at Chicken Fried Butt Sex's domicile.  Everyone came dressed accordingly.  Plenty of tippy cup in the bottom of the pool and there was talk of some nudity.  Even had one hasher try and go swimming.  Never dive in the shallow end and check for water.  Plenty of pictures circulating for gazing at.
490		Fecal Handler and Foreskin King led us on a run where the theme was disguises.  There were a lot of pirate costumes as a local bar was offering free beer to patrons dressed as a pirate.  The weather sucked so the trail had to suck by default.  It was a simple box pattern which saw us enter Joe's Underground and the Playground.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex with 270 and Pixel Dick with 260 were our teners.  Jizz Mop was FRB, Baglady was Bride's Maid, and Cover Girl was DFL.  No hash shits were present to give out.  The biggest offense of the evening was the repeated drinking with one's hat on.  Lots of repeat circle trips were given out.  The on-after was at the Mission.
489		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Summer's Eve led a rash in what is left of the river.  We went to flag island to see our flag missing but our grill still there.  We cooked 3 packs of hotdogs for 6 people so the fish ate well.  Our next stop was at barbecue island.  Puppycakes and Baglady went around the left side to get up by the grassy knoll.  The rapids were still active and they later returned to find the rest of the hash busy sun tanning.  We had a naming of No Name Katie.  It was said she has the face that can sell douches so she is now and forever known as Summer's Eve.  We were joined by Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater which was bad news for Pixel as Fingered Bayou needed some help carrying his 18 foot kayak.  The on after was at Helga's where they now have tap beer and food.
488		Can't Talk Gotta Pee started us from the Food Lion parking lot that lies near the Old Evans Road and Petersburg Road intersection.  Somehow he managed to make it either all up hill or all muddy.  It was always one or the other.  There was plenty of shiggy and barking dogs but the beer was cold so we survived.  He overran his first beer stop and was quite possibly snared in his effort to make good on his beer stop.  His second was at his home which is also the site of our yearly Thanksgiving party so those that ran might know how to return some day.  Pixel Dick was the FRB, Hershey Highway was the Bride's Maid and Cock Blow was the DFL.  We also had an auto hasher as Bozo managed to drive to a couple of the locations.  We had some late comers and returners.  Our one virgin did a fine job of hauling the beer from the beerstop.  The on after was at the Pizza Joint.
487		Pixel Dick planned our participation in a charity event which was to become known as our 1st anal heart walk.  The costume was red and many a red dress showed up for the trail of 3 miles.  Beer was stationed two thirds around the route and as we had to cover the route twice, we stopped twice.  It is said we made the news and we made some money for the heart association and the good work they do.  We donated over $500 so it was not a wasted effort.  The on-after was at the Backyard Tavern where the new owners donated the food.  It was a good time and since they have keg beer, we'll be back.
486		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Pap Smear started trail from the parking lot at the end of milledge Road.  It was a bit Indiana Jones meets Dora the Explorer.  It crossed the canal, railroad tracks, River watch parkway, and all common sense avenues to beer.  Trail was well marked once you got over the shock of it not being well marked in the beginning.  All beer stops required you to traverse some dangerous and precarious shiggy.  Every sheer drop was met with a sheer cliff to scale up.  Mother nature had laid out a limbo course and the hares made sure we saw most of it.  The real damage was that we changed the migratory pattern of the deer tick as we most likely uprooted a few and deposited them in a new neighborhood.  There was lots of falling and lots of tripping which culminated in no name Nicole starting the slow process of being washed out to sea.  She started slow by falling into the canal runoff that feeds Rae's Creek.  Getting out of the last beer stop required a lot of touching of asses and pushing of bodies as the climb was steep and wet.  The 50 million naughty checks got us warmed up to touch asses.  Jizz Mop was DFL, Dead Peter Beater was Bridesmaid, and Puppycakes was DFL.  Dead Peter Beater was a returner and got her 150th run award.  We had one virgin, no name Tricia who got a couple go rounds at the plunger to make sure she did it right.  By a slip of the tongue and rough frontier justice, poor Puppycakes was made a hare and had to drink with the hares in celebration of a shitty trail.  There was much singing and rejoicing in the circle and we were joined by our 3 late cummers.  On after was at Villa Europa which was celebrating Octoberfest.
485		Jizz Mop and Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us from the grass parking area near the intersection of Ellis and 11th streets.  The first leg of the trail, the leg completely devoid of beer, the leg where great hardship was faced, the leg where the will to survive was tested , was long as shit.  By the time we stumbled on beer, it had to be fed into us intravenously to curb the cotton mouth conditions we all faced.  The next two beer stops were short and sweet with little to no damage to our saliva glands.  No Name Katie was FRB, Cumming on Fuzz was bridesmaid, and Fecal Handler was DFL.  No hash shits were present.  We had a group of 3 virgins and a near virgin on a trail that saw Can't Talk Gotta Pee miss a beer stop as he had to zen to every bar in town to pick up trail.  Pap Smear was a 70th run tener and received his 69th award.  The on -after was at the 1102 on Broad Street.
484		Fecal Handler and Foreskin King led us on an interesting trail from a parking lot near Teresa's on Boy Scout Road.  The trail was a treacherous one with water to navigate and plenty of shiggy.  The first and last leg of the trail took expert hashing skills as trail was a bit hard to follow (sucked).  We had plenty of water to sit by as we enjoyed cheap grocery store beer.  FRB was Bozo Where Art Thou  (arrived late and must have ran competitively), Bridesmaid was Hershey Highway, DFL was Argh, Swab Me Dick.  We had a 69er as Pap Smear has finally reached that lofty goal.  Foreskin King received his 50th award.  Hershey Highway's brother, that graces us but once a year, was named finally and shall forever be known as "Flaming Brown Eye".  No Name Shannon is leaving us for Bahrain and was able to provide us reason and attitude towards naming her.  She shall forever be known as "Plunge My Swamp Ass".  Due to the difficulty in trail, some hashers did not make it to the final down down.  The on After was at Somewhere in Augusta.
483		Awaiting the police report for run details...................Hash scribes were absent or sleeping with the beer:)
482		A small, hung over, not very enthusiastic crowd of hashers met at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park  After a not very well planned out chalk talk (trail, true trail, bad trail, beer here, and no decision point) the hares, Dead Peter Beater and Bozo, Where Art Thou?, were off.  The hounds soon followed at a mild walking pace.  They were soon confused by a unidentifiable circle of flour on the ground with what appeared to be multiple trails leading off.  After some quick hound detective work we found true trail and quickly located the first beer stop.  It was at the Mayor's Fishing Hole and yes, Wally Gator was still guarding the place.  It was here the late cummers/early finishers Bush Master and his son caught up to us (if anyone remembers the boy's hash name please let Pixel know.  Our backtracking hares then lead us to our second beer stop where the Bushes parted ways with us.  We then followed the hares right past the starting point to a third beer stop.  It was here our Grand Matress, Queen La Queefa, declared the run over and held circle.  Everything and everyone sucked so we all drank.
481		Here's the down low on a very special "Back2Screwll" run. First of all the Hare would be DeadPeaterBeater, and the honorable co-hares consisted of FungilPrick,TatooLoveBoy,& KnottyNuts. They were all departing their own ways, so this would be their last of the festivities in Augusta with the PeachFuzz-Awwwww...Anyway, the run started hash time as usual-late. The turn out was pretty good, as were the costumes. The weather was 90ish, great for the sweat glands and the need for lots of beer. First stop was at Green streets, a place where I don't particularly like, but needed Beer fast, so we wouldn't get snared. Once the signing started it was time for us to leave! Then we scrambled around to the next stop which of was The Playground. Good times were had by all. Hares away,again .Richmond County's finest let us explain what we were doing and why in the hell were their 3 dudes & I wearing little girl clothes. We explained that the group was at the Playground and they would soon be chasing us, and NOT to arrest anyone. They cruised on by then, came back to us to warn us that the pack had just left the bar. Very cool, but than we had to run to the PizzaJoint, made it in time with beer waiting-whew... One last stop of course was at an abandoned house/a.k.a. crack house then back to the lot. Circle wasn't over until, 10:20ish. Their were namings, virgins bullshit etc... Lots of drunkenness. The on after was at the PizzaJoint where half or more surprisingly enough went. In the absence of Baglady &Puppycakes who never did circle. Chicken was the announcer for that mess. All in all, memorable, eventful, and Shitty trail, what more could you expect.... ON-ON DPB
480		The invasion was off to an ominous start are the Peach Fuzz contingent arrived one hour early.  As it turned out the starting point was merely a two hour drive from Queen La Queefa's house and we allocated more travel time than we needed.  The posted directions, while accurate, were not quite complete.  They led us to a dirt road with no obvious starting location.  As hasher luck would have it, there was no cell phone coverage in the area. We were resourceful enough to head back to the main road and drive a few miles to find coverage and call for aid.  What we didn't know we were damn near at the finishing point for the RASH when we found signal.  The locals directed us to a safe haven (a beer store) to wait for a guide. It turns out the we drove right by the house that served as the starting point on our initial attempt.  Soon a keg of Yuengling was tapped and we felt much better.  While vehicles were being stashed at the end point we drank and inflated flotation devices. When all was ready we walked fifty yards or so to the put in point and were on our way with about five cases of beer and maybe ten or twelve hashers.  Most hashers opted for inner tubes and it was appropriate as the was a good current for most of the trip.  Other than about twenty minutes of rain, it was a rather lazy trip of socializing and bio filtering the sweat nectar in the coolers. The last eighth of a mile or so had to be paddled but it was easy and we finished and headed back to the starting point for circle and a wiener roast.  Several un-named and un-documented hashers got named.  The after-on-after was at Shit's House where we had a wiener boil in his hot tub.
479		Puppycakes and Back Lady led a small group on a rainy day for a rash which actually encountered some water in the river.  The rashers were mostly using inner tubes and there were just a couple kayaks.  Puppycakes broke a paddle laying trail and had to go back and get a new one.  The start time was 10am to beat Augusta's finest to the spot of liquid refreshment.  The hash put in at the Water works and basically made it over to the island with the hash flag.  We circled the island and broke in a new barbecue spot as we had a new grill (hidden by the tree with our hash flag).  Upon enjoying a sumptuous meal of burnt wieners, the hashers headed back to shore.  The decision was made easy as there was a blinding bit of rain to spur us on.  The grill is not well hidden and can not be counted on being there for future barbecues.  Rain prohibited a careful placement of the grill complete with utensils.  The wet hashers went on about their merry ways upon arrival at the vehicles.
478		Puppycakes and Baglady started the group from the North Augusta Boat Ramp.  Trail went into the woods behind the sporting complex, taking advantage of the many fine disc golf course fareways.  Trail circled the entire park and the first beer stop was over near the north entrance.  The second beer stop was over in the the living park behind one of the period buildings.  Trail then went back tot he start, all told about 3.5 to 4 miles.  The FRB was Queen La Queefa, Bridesmaid was Can't Talk Gotta Pee, and Hershey Highway was DFL.  Bozo got his 75th run foot late and was a tener with 80 runs.  Dead Peater Beater was a 150 but is celebrating later.  The run was wonderful and by the amount of beer of left on trail, it didn't suck or maybe it was the hashers that didn't suck down the beer.  On after was at the Highlander.
477		Puppycakes and Baglady led a mottley crew from the safety of the Cotton Patch parking area to places unknown.  The first beer stop was at the Karaoke bar called Green Streets.  The second beer stop was at the Playground and the third was at Joe's Underground.  The run was a football theme and there was a game of passing a football back and forth when the holder encountered a special marking on the ground.  The holder of the football was received a special mystery shot upon arriving at the beer stop.  For some reason Dead Peter Beater never saw the marks on the road and never gave up the ball.  She did however give up her shot at the second beer stop as she didn't like cement mixers (lime juice and Kahluha).  There was much zenning and much beer was drank.  There was also a marriage ceremony officiated by Pap Smear that joined No Name Diana and Tattoo Love Boy in holy hash wedlock.  They also covered from head to toe in flour in lieu of rice.  They bathed in the handy water fountain nearby.   The on after was at the Pizza Joint.
476		Puppy Cakes led a rash from the Water Works where the unthinkable happened.  We had one of Richmond Counties finest checking coolers as you walked down the canal road.  Beer POSESSION is now a county NO NO and is worthy of citations.  If caught with beer, we are supposed to be kicked off the canal area for the rest of the day.  Needless to say we took our beer back and proceeded to the water.  Some went in past the police and others took a more interesting trail to the water.  We ended up barbecuing at fantasy island as the water was real low.  We did not have any beer when we came ashore so we complied with all requirements of safe boating.  The next rash will have to be more stealthy..............
475		Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick started us on a trail from The East end of the Evans Lowes.  after some wandering we found ourselves in an abandoned , torn  down  house.  Later we were in the woods and then on to a construction site for our beers.  Mid way the cohare changed and Udderly Delicious became the cohare.  After we awarded some returners, teners, and the award winners, we had a naming.  No Name Ron will forever be known as "Looks Like Dick".  About the time we were to congratulate the hares on a f*cked trail, we were encouraged by the good folks at Lowes to move our asses off their slab of asphalt.  Needless to say, the on after was at the Pizza Joint and some have now decided to shop at Home Depot.
474		Queen La Queefa and Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us from the Savannah Rapids Pavilion on a Rash.  The river was evaporated and shallow like some of our coolers.  We ran low on beer early as we stopped and waited many a time as some rashers took longer to get from one stop to another.  We had a boat blowout and Can't Talk had his two versions riding on his one man kayak with him.  Thanks to their stick figure physiques the boat carried all three of them even through the rapids.  Many a wiener was singed on the grill as we barbecued.  Some got out at the Water Works while Puppycakes, Baglady, and Chicken Fried Butt Sex continued on to North Augusta.  There was a 30 foot tree stuck in one of the rapids and Puppycakes and Chicken Fried pushed it through the rapids and well out of the way.  30 foot trees with 2 foot diameters are heavy, especially with no beer left.  The long paddle back was marred by fierce winds, a northerly current, and foot high swells.
473		Puppycakes and Baglady led a short A to B run from the Highlander.  It was of course a fabulous trail  as it was short and it was Africa hot.  The Mercury was swollen and run time found it to be 100 degrees.  Puppycakes strapped a cooler full of beer to his back and Baglady tossed the flour.  The run was shorter to account for the gathered discussion on the next Rash.  We had some returners, some from months or even years.  We also had some new blood.  On after was in the Highlander where some ruined the mood with chess while others risked it by playing with sharp pointed darts.
472		Hardly Ever Comes and Holy Water Douche led us on a wedding theme run that started from the Cotton Patch area.  There was about 30 hounds on the trail so plenty of beer was getting drank.  We had something new called bubble stops.  We all had to gather and blow wedding favor bubbles.  It was a cheap and sleazy method of slowing down the pack and not calling it a turtle check.  The stops were both in bars and in the wilderness.  Some went all out on their costumes and others just accessorized.  Tattoo Love Boy was FRB, Foreskin King was Bridesmaid and No Name Ugis was DFL.  We had about 15 returners.  Spank My Spuds and Hershey Highway received their 100 run flags a bit late and Udderly Delicious got her 50th run foot.  Joining them in the tener ranks was Queen La Queefa with 220, Naught Nuts and Cock Block both with 10.  There were the typical no blows and some lost property.  Fungal Prick tricked Dead Peter Beater out of the hash shit so she got to keep that piece of lost property.  We also had a couple virgins to round out an evening of plenty of down downs.  The last piece to the puzzle was the hash wedding of Hardly Ever Comes and Holy Water Douche.  Hardly Ever Comes is a lucky hasher as Holy Water Douche was a virgin hare.  Rumor is they are going to still go through with the church wedding even though the hash will let them procreate now.  The on after was at the Pizza Joint.
471		The RASH started at Savannah Rapids Pavilion.  Once again there was some confusion on parking as several rashers decided to park as far from the river as possible.  I guess maybe if the hare would ever show up on time there could be less turmoil.  Lost and Fucked made the long journey from Hotlanta to show us his little dingy and join us on the river.  The Dr. of Shottollogy did not disappoint us as he brought a handle of Key Lime Pie shots for the trip down the Savannah.  We had a couple of hardware malfunctions, one at the beginning and one near the end. One of the plugs for a two man kayak was missing.  Fortunately we had an extra kayak in the waiting.  Fungal Prick decided to see how sharp the rocks were in the river and shredded his one man kayak approaching barbecue island.  Luckily we had extra capacity and he caught a ride to the end.  We were so prepared for this rash you would have thought we were boy scouts.  Rumor has it that there were a couple of other rashers that attempted to meet us for grilling but timing is everything and they left minutes before the pack arrived.  Baglady and Puppycakes waited 2-3 hours and ran out of beer to be precise and then had to leave.  However, by the time we got to our favorite BBQ spot, the hare was craving sushi.  Attempts to assemble the grill were quickly squashed with bribes of the best sushi in town.  Once we got to the the end we quickly realized we were hashers and not truly boy scouts as there were several more hashers than places in the vehicles to ride back to the start.  We had to leave some men behind, or some man's behind or something like that.  However, all the left behind hashers made it to the on after which was at Kinja Sushi Express where we found out that Queenie's butt is not as photogenic as she thought.
470		Just when you think a run can not possibly be classified as the worst run ever, Queen la Queefa and Jizz Mop step up to the plate.  The gave it their best to be the worst.  They even sucked at that as maybe there have been a few worse runs.  They started us off with a bad start from Eisenhower Park.  There was no beer trunk or hare vehicle to show the pack where to park.  This soon sorted itself out with grumbling from those that arrived on time.  Soon there was chalk talk and the hares were off.  Had the pack know how long the first leg of the trail was, they would have never left the beer truck.  Instead of a nice relaxing beer stop near the cool falls on Rea's Creek, we trekked through miles of shiggy and asphalt to Karen's (Chicken Fried's sister) house.  There were partook of the much needed nectar.  The was also some raiding of a fig tree and much watering of the grass at the back property line.  The next leg of trail while shorter, seemed worse.  Instead of a nice air conditioned bar in the shopping center trail lead through, the beer stop was next door to Karen's house at CumSquat's house.  An evil trick if I ever saw one.  Finally back to the starting point for circle.  Since no RAs showed our Grand Mattress was force to run circle.  Fecal Handler celebrated her 75 run and Lil South did not escape her 90th run which she attended out of town.  Virgin Ron and 1st time cummer Dumb Ass were next for down downs.  Fecal and Lil South were, oddly enough, no blows.  These two thirsty ladies also had lost property returned to them.  Finally, some smoking shit was returned to Queenie and we found out the Fecal Handler re-earned her name.  Our GM/hare/acting RA "forgot" to ask about run quality and no hash shits were seen on trail.  After accusations of various crimes were rewarded we swang low and on aftered at Somewhere in Augusta.
469		Run #469 started with a road trip to Charleston, SC to hash with the Happy Heretics on their 69th run…because two 69s are better than one! Once in the Holy City, we meandered our way through streets and over bridges to find the starting point. We arrived at a parking lot between the Dollar Palace and Wal-mart to find a thirsty pack of dozens of hounds circled up and yelling out degrading insults and filthy names to one another. During these ceremonial introductions, we discovered that in attendance were hounds from as far as Tampa and Washington, DC as well as the packs from Augusta and Charleston. Then, Amkneesia led the howling pack of hounds beneath a blanket of sun and humidity through a shiggalicious adventure across mud pockets and into sticker thickets, under radio towers and through fences, providing for much blood to be shed on trail. Three beerstops kept the thirsty hounds nourished across the harrowing terrain. Trail ended with an on-in at a local neighborhood swimming pool where Shit Happens commenced to lead the pack through 69 down-downs, citing numerous instances of wankery and debauchery. Chili dogs and corn were then served to the hungry hounds who had by this time attracted a few on-lookers and eavesdroppers. Two harriets graced the hash with their naked and nubile bodies, but went unappreciated by the local authorities who invaded the kennel and felt the need to take them to jail. For their courage and bravery in adverse circumstances, and for taking one for the hash, we nominate them to receive the distinguished Purple Hard-On award. Also, it was later decided that one of the ‘ossifers’ unwittingly named one of the nude harriets, when in his concern for the ear of corn gripped in her hand,  says to her in all seriousness “Drop the corn, ma’am” followed by “Now, step away from the corn” which later became the source of much laughter.  The cops then made the hounds disperse with threats of cages and deprivation of our frothy nectar and fellow hounds. For those who made it out unscathed and howling for more, the on-after party continued at Shit Happens’ house with more beer, sex, and debauchery. Newcomers learned that the Peach Fuzz Squirrels never fail to bring their own signature blend of irresistible pandemonium. There was fun in the hot tub, drunken masquerades, at least one ‘shart attack,’ and of course, TippyCup. What hounds didn’t eventually limp away drunk and exhausted paired off to find a soft-spot to stretch and moan until morning. On what could be called Run #469½, most of the pack gathered at the Shem Creek Bar & Grill Sunday morning for Big Al’s Best Bloody Mary’s and a seafood breakfast before starting out on a BASH in Alien Abduction’s boat in which we traveled down Shem Creek, into the Cooper River, and over to the edge of the Atlantic, where we crossed trails with dolphins,  birds, and aircraft carriers. There was much sun, beer, and boobies - hard nipples popped out with every cool breeze. It sucked, and we would have all rather been home watching TV. Seeming to be most affected by the all the moisture when she was on her grind, Put a Little Mouth on My South was also renamed within the Happy Heretics H3, and she will now and forever be known in Charleston as “UltraMoist.” Trail came to an end where it began and the salty hounds began to find their way back to their own backyards to lick their wounds and to get some well deserved sleep.
468		Dead Peter Beater and Put a Little Mouth on My South were hares and we started from behind the batteries plus store in the Walton Crossing shopping area.  We wondered across the busy Wheeler road area to some woods behind the YMCA where the hares showed evidence of playing in the swamp.  Later we were behind the Target where we could admire the total destruction that comes with makeing changes to the interstate.  The last beer stop was of course up in the abandoned buildings behind Goodies.  Tattoo Love Boy was FRB, Fecal Handler was bridesmaid and Puppycakes was DFL.  The Hares received the Hash Shit, Bozo a 69 award and 70 runs, Fungal Prick hit 10 runs, and Hershey made it to 100 runs.  There were plenty of returners, late comers, and of course the cops came and wrecked the down down by parking some 30 yards away from the circle.  The on after was at the Evans Pizza Joint.
467		Puppycakes led a rash of dedicated river drinkers that braved the elements (it never did rain and the sun did come out).  We started from the grassy knoll one mile from the water works.  Pixel Dick, Puppycakes, Bozo Where Art Thou, and Hershey Highway made the trip down the river which wasn't up to perfect levels but was good for drinking.  There was a few trees taking a horizontal nap along the way and at the grassy knoll we lost one of our shade providers as it was ker-plop on the ground.  A vacuum sealed bag of charcoal was added to the barbecue island stash.  If you use it, replace it.  Parties in Atlanta and the Highlander prohibited any on after.
466		Chicken Fried Butt Sex laid one of his typical trails.  We started from 11th and Ellis on the first too long to sparsely laid leg of trail.  It was the proverbial going around our asshole to get to our elbow leg of the trail.  We started off going south then west to get to a beer stop that was north and west of the start.  We passed many a good bar to get to the familiar corner of the museum where the railroad track used to be for our first stop.  There we found watery luke warm Bud Light with no ice and no water for the non-drinkers.    The next leg of trail led us to a decision point at 6th and Reynolds.  There was an obvious bad trail leading up to the River Walk.  Most of the pack followed the bad trail.  The more experienced hashers (Pixel and Papsmear) sniffed out true trail and were at Joe's Underground long before the rest of the pack.  The last of the late cummers, Cover Girl, joined us at this stop.  Many a hound took advantage of the $1 shots of Goldschlager. The next stop was at the Renaissance Pub.  The pack found it despite the lack of trail as their thirst had to be sated.  There were $1 shots of Jagermeister at this stop.  Somehow I'm thinking circle will be a challenge. The last leg was the short jaunt back to the start.  Pixel Dick was FRB, Spank My Spud was Bridesmaid, and Foreskin King was DFL.  Spud Muncher visited us as he seems to think Augusta is on the way from Japan to Iraq.  No Name Matt was Put a Little Mouth On My South's virgin.  Can't Talk, Gotta Pee disappeared along trail before circle. Fungal Prick, Tattoo Love Boy, and Naughty Nuts were the other late comers.  Lil South and Cover Girls retained their Hash Shit awards as they didn't appear on trail.  Hershey Highway wore a new pair of Dr. Peeper's finest eye wear.  Bozo did nothing worthy of note which in and of itself is probably worthy of note.
465		The Rash started at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion and ended at the North Augusta Boat Ramp some 5 miles away.  The water was up and was moving fast in some key spots.  The group put in  and some ventured towards the dam where the center channel was pushing up some class 3 hydraulics.  A few ventured into the water knowing at any minute they could capsize and their cooler could be lost .  No beer casualties were experienced.  The next couple runs saw a bit of getting stuck but some good currents flowed on the SC side of the islands.  At one point, Put a little mouth on my south and Queen La Queefa took off and raided a corn field for some corn.  When we got to the barbecue island, we tossed it in the grill and it proved tasty albeit full of corn worms.  Lots of food and beer was drank and all the rapids were functioning.  After a long trek over dead water to the North Augusta Boat Ramp,, the on after was at the Mi Rancho Mexican Restaurant.  In attendance were Puppycakes and Baglady who were hares, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Queen La Queefa, Put a Little Mouth on My South, Hardly Ever Comes, Holy Water Douche, Tattoo Love Boy, and Fungal Prick.  Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater were at the start, the end, and the on after.
464		Twas a 4th of July and all of Augusta was gathered downtown.  Not to be intimidated by the crowd of folks and the lack of parking, the hash started from the backyard of the Playground.  Bozo Where Art Thou and Hershey Highway, our hares, negotiated for us the rights to start and stop under their protective roof.  The run started by wandering through the throng of food vendors on our way to an alley that held beer.  Next it was to the Firehouse to witness a rarity there called air conditioning.   Lastly it was back to the Playground where circle consisted of everyone sitting in charis.  We had a couple of returners and Bloody Stool was a tener with 60 runs.  The FRB was Bloody Stool, Bride's maid was Naughty Nuts, and DFL was Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  There were some no blows and some even without July 4th theme clothing.  We named No Name Frank finally as he will now and forever be known as "Naughty Nuts".  After the circle some wandered to watch fireworks while others sampled some fine home cooking courtesy of Bozo.
463		Queen LaQueefa led a small band of rashers on a river that finally had some water in it.  We met at the waterworks and hiked the torturous mile to the grassy knoll.  It was at the Grassy Knoll that various equipment malfunctions became apparent and not all hashers had two paddles in the water.  After a quick trip to the island, the grill was fired up and hotdogs were enjoyed with the typical Crab dip.  After a lazy drift, we were at the island where the hash flag lives, but we all forgot to check to see if it was still there.  We named No Name Eric who shall now be known far and wide as "Fungal Prick".  Queenie was able to anoint his head with crab dip.  He took 5 minutes to wash his hair.  Once back at the start, the on after was at Valharta's.
462		Baglady and Puppycakes led the hash from a new spot that is near some old haunts.  We started from behind the Los Lomas Mexican Restaurant and had it as our first beer stop.  It was also our on after.  The pitchers of beer there are sub-$6.  Trail weaved a bit on its way to Blanchard park were some excellant shiggy was available.  Next we wandered out the back end of the shiggy, around the pond to behind Bi-Lo where Augusta's finest were busy eating donuts and hanging out.  Beers were left in the next piece of shiggy for the front runners to refresh themselves.  Trail followed Belair a bit befor ducking back into the shiggy for a couple more refreshments for the front runners.  After some more shiggy and a fence Tattoo Love Boy was FRB, Dead Peter Beater was Bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was DFL.  The Hash Shits were unavailable and are still in the posession of Put a Little Mouth on My South and Cover Girl.  We had some returners as Dirt Diggler, Yeastie Boy, and Prairie Ho climbed out from their respective rocks and decided to join us after long absences.  Poop Chute Recruit was a tener with 130 runs.  Baglady made it to the 400 run club and was also a tener.  We had a naming as Dead Peter Beater's son Derrick was named "Peter Poo" .  Trail, albeit the best ran all week, was declared a sucky trail and the hares drank.
461		Jizz Mop and Chicken Fried Butt Sex led the pack on the expected inferior trail.  This trail led us through what appeared to be bombed out projects and to our first beer stop near the damned up Rea's Creek, known as Lake Olmsted.  We then followed the sparse trial to the other side of the damn to the falls were Rea's Creek is recreated.  Next was an easily short-cutted as zenmeister Can't Talk proved as it was a short jaunt to visit the trolls under the bridge over the canal for the final beer stop. The hares were appropriately punished for their shitty trail at circle.  Not only did the trail blow, but so did all of the hounds so the hares drank again.  Fecal Handler was FRB (see it was a shitty trail), Tattoo Love Boy was Bridesmaid, and Cover Girl was DFL.  Cock Block was a returner and Pap Smear was a late cummer.  Queen la Queefa and Pixel Dick were stand ins for the lame hashers that previously won the Hash Shit Awards.  The new recipients were Cover Girl and Lil South for being over achievers in their civilian life and getting new jobs.  Can't Talk and Foreskin King somehow avoided a down-down in a grievous oversight by the RA, Pap Smear.
460		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us on a RASH which started from the Water Works and had us getting in at the Moss Pit.  The river was still lower than we are used to and it was a struggle to go up river.  The first beer stop saw one kayak springing a leak and needing repair.  Stinky Pinky was just about done in trying to tow her boat and her man so her and Poop Chute Recruit stayed at the first beer stop awaiting our return.  The next beer stop was at the bigger island where we dragged our boats up the small runs.  Bozo and Spuds awaited our return at this juncture.  After making it above the first good falls (chutes), we returned to pick up our stragglers.  At the island bearing our Hash flag, Put a Little Mouth on My South, not being able to see the flag, climbed the tree and put it one branch higher than Choice of a New Penetration had done.  Somehow she never fell out of the tree or her bikini.  Sloshing around in the mud, Baglady managed to pick up a leach which was very interested in staying connected to her.  Quite a few hashers were falling down on the slippery rocks and cigarettes were getting wet.  In attendance were Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Baglady, Puppycakes, Poop Chute Recruit, Stinky Pinky, No Name Kris (returner), Strip My Wood (JAX), Spank My Spuds, Bozo Where Art Thou, and Put a Little Mouth On My South.
459		Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick started from the Backyard Tavern on Belair Road and proceeded to wander in and through every bit of wet shiggy they could find.  Every species of poison ivy was accounted for and the first beer stop was in a field of kutzu.  The second beer stop was an attempt to wake the dead as we dined on nectar in a cemetary.  The third beer stop required a bit of crawling through the shiggy as the clearance was about two foot high as we meandered through wood tick land.  The fourth beer stop had us in an abandoned house where the previous tenant left warnings on the wall telling us to go away.  The last beer stop was right next door in another abandoned house where rum shots to toast our only truely departed hasher "OGR" were drank.  Tattoo Love Boy was FRB, No Name Brian was Bridesmaid, and Foreskin King was DFL.  Jizz Mop was a tener with 160.  Fecal Handler was also a tener with 70.  We had a virgin and a returner.  The on after was at the Pizza Joint.
458		Puppycakes and Baglady led a sunburned bunch of hounds from the Highlander Pub, down to the greenway, over a 5 foot fence to the picnic area near alcoholic's anonymous.  The next stop was at the top of the hill over looking the area.  The last leg was up the hill to the highlander where birthday cupcakes awaited the pack.  Notable items on trail for the 4 mini-beer stops and John-Law's curiosity on what we were doing.  Tattoo Love Boy was FRB, No Name Eric was Bride's Maid and Pixel Dick was DFL.  Can't Talk got his paddles back and drank for them.  He was also a tener with 210.  The on after was in the Highlander.
457		Puppycakes and Baglady led a one of the largest rash gatherings  on a quest for beer.  The day was africa hot and the put in spot was at the moss pit so no long walk.  Water levels were shallow but manageable.  The first stop was at the island with the hash flag.  It was an easy trip for most.  The second stop was the south end of the big island where two barbecue pits cooked up some dogs.  Some took their sweet time to arrive as many were drunk by the time all were assembled.  The third stop required some negotiating the hard current as we ventured above the rim that has the chutes.  Some gave up en route but most found a way to get there.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee lost both paddles in his effort.  The ride back took us to the island once again to pick up stragglers.  The collection of boats and tubes was impressive as there had to have been 9 kayaks, a couple boats and a bunch of tubes.  The rash ended with about 90 minutes to get to the next hash.
456		Bloody Stool started us out on a run from the Rapids Pavilion that was shiggy intense.  On two occasions we had to cross an angry Reed Creek and scale both sides of the gorge just to get to and from beer.  The hare got 5 ticks on himself just putting out the beer stop.  Trail was at times a sucky trail and at other times a shitty trail and yet at other times it was down right nasty.  No one got killed or went without beer so we survived.  Trail was a bit sparse where it was needed (in the woods) and a bit overdone where it wasn't (on the road).  Any hare that makes us climb the damn steps at the pavilion is a sure shoe in for hash shit and we didn't disappoint as Bloody Stool was victorious in his quest to gain the coveted trophy.  Vagina Blood Fart was DFL, Jizz Mop was FRB, and Fecal Handler was bridesmaid.  Fecal Handler reached 69 and was rewarded.  Queen La Queefa drank for 210 runs, Puppycakes drank for 430 runs, Pixel Drink because he was thirsty.  We had two virgins that musted have cleaned the plungers with their tongues as they were the longest down down drinkers in recent times.  Hedon generated plenty of lost property which was drank for.  The on after was at Locos Pub.
455		Bozo and Hershey lead the pack of blind followers on a trail through Phinizy Swamp.  We knew following trail would be a challenge as chalk talk showed us how little hash the hares had with them. The drought that Georgia is in was evident as trail lead us through areas of the swamp that obviously were covered in water during wetter seasons.  The flour drought was obvious, too.  However, the tenacious hounds scoured the earth and found the trail that led us to our precious nectar.  Our first beer stop overlooked a pond with a gator in it that appeared to be choosing his lunch from the buffet of hounds.  It should also be noted that Dead Peter Beater picked up a little head at this stop. The next leg of trail led us by an area with benches and a podium where Pixel Dick (our acting RA) took to the pulpit and gave a brief service for the hounds.  Given the alligator activity we saw at the previous stop the obvious choice for the hares was to lead us through water to our next well needed stop. Once again the next leg of trail led us through the gator infested water, although some of the lamer hounds went around this crossing.  This time the water was waste deep.  Trail then led us down the levee to a gazebo area were reportedly in the past Spud Muncher was munched on by Spank My Spud. Finally, the trek back to the starting point began.  It was broken up by a forth beer stop where the hares took off before making sure none of the hounds were eaten by gators.  The last leg was notable for a lame back check where it was obvious that going through it would be the shorted trail to beer.  There was also some rumors of group of people partying in the swamp and the cops being called.  Our hare straightened that up with the proprietor of the property. Pixel ran circle with the help of Lil South.  Things of note were the trail sucked, we had returners, tenners, 2 new visitors, and a virgin that likes to eat his sponsor's banana.  Pixel Dick was FRB, Tattoo Love Boy was Bridesmaid, and Strip My Wood was DFL.  No hash shit awards were in attendance.
454		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Queen La Queefa led a small but thirsty band of hashers from the Greenway bridge over Martintown Road in North Augusta to points unknown but to the 10,000,000 mosquitos and wood ticks that lived there.  Mostly the trail sucked and was up hill through shiggy or it sucked because it was down hill through creeks and gorges.  At one point we ended up at the river but fear of chaffing stopped any swimming attempts.  The FRB was  No Name Frank, DFL was Puppycakes, and Fecal Handler was Bridesmaid.  Vagina Blood Fart kept her hash shit award as it failed to make the trip with her on trail.  Pixel Dick and Poop Chute Recruit were so off trail that they ended up in a vehicle, went to the Highlander, ate food, returned and were available for the down down.  Being the book was out of date, tenners escaped their fate but returners were not so lucky.  The on after was at the Highlander.
453		Puppycakes led a small band of kayakers that didn't make it to Hedon.  Puppycakes, Baglady, and Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  It was a dry run of the 11th August big rash.  We put in up at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion and got out at the North Augusta Boat Ramp.  It took about 4 and a half hours to ride the 5 miles with beer stops.  Water levels were acceptable but not enough for the big rapids near the end.  We bottomed out a bit going over that one.  The end result is that it isn't a good course for tubers as there is not enough current in parts to keep it interesting.  Too much dead water.  There are two or three decent rides on route to our normal area but not enough to maybe warrant tubes.  Alternative ideas need to be looked at.
452		Run 452 started from the grovetown bargain center. The hares were Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Pap Smear which had a very elaborate trail set up until only 4 hashers showed up and then 2 (fecal and foreskin king) had to leave after drinking a beer. This was leaving 2 hares, 2 hashers(Can't Talk, Gotta Pee and Frumunda Cheese) and no Beermeister. We waited a little while and then had a quick chalk talk. We headed to Pap Smear's house for the first and final beer stop. We were sitting back relaxing when late cummers tried to find us. We were accompanied by Cock block, Poop Chute, Dead Peter Beater, Stinky Pinky, Dirt Diggler. Deciding to continue the run the hares quickly devised a plan, even though they had no idea where they where they were going. The hares started by going through the back yard and up and over the fence, having the first beer stop 1/4 mile under the the water tower. The hounds got there quickly, only giving 5 minutes of the 7 minute head start. The hares continued to Dead Peter's heaven. This consisted of a dozen condemned house from the 60's. The hares went through the first house, which they were met by a dead possum at the front door and went through the back window. They went down the power lines, until thick shiggy blocked them off from continuing. Laying a bad trail they doubled back not realizing the pack only gave them again 5 minutes of the 10 minute head start. They quickly darted in behind a house meeting the back of a subdivision. Turning up the fence line they were met again by impenetrable shiggy. Knowing they were trapped like rats they continued. They heard the pack only 20 feet on the other side of the shiggy at the bad trail. Sure that they were heard pushing their way through the shiggy, the hares slowed the pace trying to be stealthy. Then they were met by a double fence topped with barred wire. Clearing that and hearing the hounds on their tail, the hares made their way through a clearing of farm land and a fire break and set up for the 2nd beer stopped. Upon getting there stinky showed that the barred wire snagged the inner thigh cutting her jeans and leg. Setting off back home the hounds only gave the hares 3 minutes of the 10. The hares were cut off by every single hound after they decided to short cut. The hares crossed the street and paralled them in the trees, mixinig in with others that were walking. The hares ran passed after the hounds went in to the 1st entrance of the subdivision and back up over the fence setting the finish line. FRB was Frumunda cheese, brides maid was Dirt Diggler, and DFL was Stinky Pinky. The hares got the hash shit award for "no chalk talk" and the late cummers drank for missing the chalk talk. Trail was a great.
451		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led a group of rashers down a river that was surprisingly full of water.  The current was running and the water was high so the beer tasted even better on the river.  A cookout on the island was held and many extra hotdogs went to the fish.  Pap Smear got a late start and passed the picnic on the Georgia side (blind side) and had to paddle back up stream to get in the flotilla.  Much discussion was held on how to do the 11th of August big rash.  No solutions yet...  In attendance were Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Queen La Queefa, Baglady, Puppycakes, Hardly Ever Comes, and Pap Smear
450		Cock Block took us on his virgin haring in the Augusta area.  We started from behind the Hooters and wandered our way over to the Lone Star restaurant.  The very next day Lone Star closes their doors for good.  Coincidence, I think not....  Next we moseyed over to somewhere in Augusta and blessed the back patio with our presence.  Lastly we headed off to the nearest Mexican restaurant before ending up back at the start.  We had a bunch of virgins that Cock Block brought out.  It was also a day after Cock Block's birthday so he was celebrating with a shitty trail.  We had a returner or two and Put a Little Mouth on My South had 80 runs and Bozo Where Art Thou had 60 to be the evenings teners.  The circle for the most part was done under the watchful eye of a nearby Sheriff's deputy parked by the nearby Robbie's.  The hare who had no idea as to the award winners drank for his slackful ways.  Fecal Handler drank for her failure to make sure the hash shit was present at the hash.  The on after was in Hooters.
449		Puppycakes started the pack out from the Riverview Park's North End and wandered the streets, past the killer geese, to the living park where we drank cold beer next to the resurrected old buildings.  The second beer stop was at the far end of the park where the babbling brook was a babbling.  After wandering a bit more, the 3rd beer stop was on one of the Frisbee golf tees.  Mosquitoes were powerful adversaries and there was cars galore as a state qualifying baseball game was happening.  Queen La Queefa was the FRB as Chicken Fried Butt Sex failed to cross with her but instead tossed her headfirst across the line.  Foreskin king was Bridesmaid and Pixel Dick was DFL.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee did a hit and run but was dressed for Giggoloing and not hashing.  The Hash shit went to No Name Nancy for incessant talking on trail.  No Name Nancy was named early so she could go to Hedon with a name.  She will forever be known among the hashing faithful as "Vagina Blood Fart".  Puppycakes was a 25'er with 425 runs.  Queen La Queefa was a 69er with 207 runs and Vagina Blood Fart was a returner.
448		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us from the Teresa's Mexican Restaurant on a Cinco De Mayo Run.  It was a hard trail which consisted of only true trail markers on the tires of our vehicles.  Trail led first around the beer truck where we found sweet beer once again.  The second trail led us around 3 other vehicles but ended up running into old trail which confused the pack and caused some to wander back on old trail, still finding sweet beer.  Trail sucked and everyone had a whistle so the hare was drinking.  Puppycakes was determined to have his 25th run at 425 so he drank.  Bloody Stool was a returner so he drank.  The hare conducted a hash where no females hashers were present so he drank again.  Mismanagement was held in Teresa's Mex Restaurant where a couple more hashers joined in mismanagement.
447		Chicken Fried Butt Sex started a short run from the highlander that forgot to be short.  We wandered past some very nice poison ivy and trash, through some old buildings and over old foundations to the floating dock on the Greenway.  The next leg of the journey had us wandering thru the new housing and the woods to return once again to the Highlander where a mismanagement meeting was planned.  We had a virgin and a returner.  Barnicle Bill the Failure and Show Me Your Dick were bade a fond fare-the-well as they are leaving to hash in Texas.  Show Me Your Dick was the FRB, Bozo was DFL and the hash shit remained with the Hare.  The on after was in the Highlander where the crowd forced us to move the mismanagement to the next run.
446		Puppycakes and Baglady led a band of flotation devices with hashers clinging to them as we rashed the Savannah once again.  It was an A to B as we parked at the Water Works and put a vehicle down at the pond at the Rae's Creek end.  We of course walked the murderous mile to the put in spot all the while having necessary beverages to sustain life.  The sun was hot, the skies were clear, and the dumb f#@$ers at the dam were hoarding all the water.  Water levels were lower than anyone had ever seen in their lives.  We had a definite challenge as we tried to get through the maze of rocks that had never before seen their heads above water.  We rubbed our asses on more rocks than any itchy ass would deserve.  The big rapids (Hammond, Class III) was a bare trickle and some had to shoo away the nesting geese and carry their boats over the rocks.  We spent about 4 hours eating, drinking, and paddling among the rocks.  Baglady, Hardly Ever Comes, and Foreskin King were teners.  We had a virgin, a returning no name and a laugh or two.  Our no name and virgin showed up with a cooler, a kick board, a small pool inflatable donut, and a small air mattress.  They saw more of the river than most of the rest of us did.  They didn't troll for alligators in Rae's creek with the rest of us.  Foreskin King and Fecal Handler missed the turn and went the extra distance to North Augusta Boat Ramp but soon figured it out and arrived about the time Hershey Highway and Bozo Where Art Thou arrived in their matching innertubes.  The FRB was Hardly Ever Comes with Foreskin King being bridesmaid and Hershey Highway being DFL.  Queen La Queefa wiped out in the middle of Puppycake's "who'll slip and fall in the water song" and tried to crack her head.  Moss is slippery, especially the green kind.  We all survived but will have to keep a closer watch on the water the dam lets out to determine our rash locations.
445		Covergirl laid his virgin trail.  The trail was predictable, too long, easily zenned, but it had plenty of beer.  So all in all it was a sucky run he can claim as his own.  There was danger on the run as obstacles placed in the path of the hounds caused feats of machoism.  Cumming on Fuzz managed to break his ankle during an individual test of gravity and concrete density.  The ER nurses were swooning with his tales of heroics.  The FRB was Blow Me, who after a long absence popped into town to run with us once more.  DFL was Fecal Handler as The Foreskin King beat feet across the line well ahead of her.  Bride'smaid was Bozo Where Art Thou as Covergirl did not count Papsmears being dragged across the line by Blow Me as a true crossing.  Pixel Dick received the Hash shit for sleeping during the circle.  Hariettes with Sharpies were seen attacking him in his SUV.  Hershey Highway was the lone tener with 90 runs.  There was some lost property and other accusations to round out the night.  The on-after was at Joe's Underground.
444		Chicken Fried Butt Sex started us from the North Augusta Boat ramp.  Trail went deep into the shiggy and ................ we ended up in a ravine.  Then trail went .................and we...................then we couldn't find the bad trail marks and...........................we ended on a hillside for beer.  All in all we were a wood tick taxi service  and tested the creek for snakes.  FRB was Foreskin King, Baglady was bridesmaid, and Bozo Where Art Thou was DFL.  The hash shit left Bozo and landed in the deserving hands of Chicken Fried Butt Sex as trail sucked a wee bit.  Teners were Show Me Your Dick with 30 and Chicken Fried Butt Sex with 240 runs.  There were a couple of returners and no virgins.  The on after was at the Highlander where Yingling can be had for $5 per pitcher every Wednesday night.
443		Puppcakes and Baglady led the first rash down the rapids.  It was a good turn out with a mixture of kayaks, boats, and tubes.  As always, we met at the WaterWorks and treked the long mile to the grassy knoll where we could put in.  The first beer stop was at the wide bend in the trail to the grassy knoll as the boats are lighter in the water than they are on land.  The hash spent quite a while pumping up boats and then it was into the drink to drink.  The hash stopped at the first island, fired up a grill and cooked more hotdogs than we could consume.  Much was left for the birds to dine on.  The small grill was placed in the crook of the tallest tree for those wishing to return and cook.  Notable events were Barnicle Bill getting Queen La Queefa to do his paddling while he manned the pumps to quell the slow leak in the boat.  Put A Little Mouth On My South managed to get a couple tows on route to the end.  Jizz Mop reminded us a bit of Can't Talk as he paddled his dingy.  We circled around the grill but neglected to circle at the end.  Cheap inflatable kayaks seem to work a lot better than the inner tubes for maneuvering to beer stops although bozo gets around on his quite nicely even when he is pulling Hershey Highway.  The next rash will be an A to B and a 5 mile trail.  rashpix
442		Puppycakes laid the best trail that no one followed.  The run started from the Highlander parking lot and shortly after the hare's departure, God flushed and all was wet.  The hounds made it to the second decision point, roughly two blocks, before they tucked tail and skedaddled back to the safety of the highlander and its cold beer.  Meanwhile, on trail, our intrepid hare was carefully placing flour in dry spots and on trees so that the hounds would have trail.  It could be said that all the rain that fell in North Augusta first fell on Puppycakes as God flushed at least twice.  Pixel Dick was at the beer stop with the keg and only he and Puppycakes sampled of its nectar.  Meanwhile back at the highlander, the hounds were ordering shepards pies and sausages.  Fearing the worst and noticing the lack of hounds, Puppycakes laid a trail back to the start, taking great care to mark every tree for a mile.  Meanwhile back at the Highlander, the hounds were now consuming their shepherds pies and sausages.  Back on trail, God flushed a couple more times and the hare used his kayaking skills to make it too the starting point.  Upon arriving at the Highlander, the only wet person was the hare, the only unfed person was the hare, and the only one with an empty glass was the hare.  After forming the circle, it was determined that Can't Talk Gotta Pee was FRB, Argh-Swab Me Dick was DFL, and Show Me Your Dick was Bridesmaid.  We had a visitor and some returners.  Pixel Dick celebrated his 220th run one run late and Covergirl received the coveted 30 run bottle opener.  The hare was made to drink for weather issues and the hounds drank for cowering in fear of a little bit of rain and lightning.  The on after was in the Highlander but since everyone ate during trail, it like trail was mostly a wash..............
441		Choice of a New Penetration and No Name Derek led a fatboy hangover hash from Greystone Manor (Pixel's).  The small pack of hungover wankers wandered on a lame trail that went around and through Pixel's house.  It sucked, the hares drank.  Then the hounds napped.
440		This was the week of the Masters and the PFH3 5th Anal Green Jacket Run.  The events of the week started with a pub crawl that also coincided with first Friday.  We had donations of beer from Joe's Underground, the 1102, the Renaissance, the Playground, the Firehouse, and the Pizza Joint.  Rumor is that the hash got 35 pitchers of beer donated to off set the pay as you go pubcrawl. The Green Jacket Run was hared by Queen La Queefa and Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  Pixel Dick drove the keg wagon and met us at the all important beer stops.  The hash started about 6 blocks from the Masters and was well attended as we had visitors from Charlotte, Charleston, Savannah, and Atlanta hash groups.  A special thanks to the Master's widows who turned all those green jackets in to good will.  More and more hashers each year are finding authenticate looking green jackets.  There was plenty of improvising and some spray painting to round out the effort.  Our peak moments were when, outside of the Masters main entrance, the hash burst into a round of Jesus doesn't go hashing much to the chagrin of a flag toting, psalm reading Jesuit.  Many a hasher was damned to burn in the unquenchable fires of hell.  Other moments were when the many onlookers needed to receive instructions on hashing.  The occasional cop was lucky enough to converse with our most wasted hashers from time to time to round out the festivities.  Beer stops were at Chicken Fried Butt Sex's Sister's house, Somewhere in Augusta where the manager took great care of us, and behind the Books A Million store.  All in all trail was too long, the beer was too scarce and there were non-driving golfer acolytes all over the place  The FRB was Stinky Pinky, Bridesmaid was Choice of a New Penetration.  DFL was Shit Happens.  The hash shits were maintained by Bozo Where Art Thou and Frumunda Cheese who both neglected to take their awards out for a walk about.  Queen La Queefa received her 200th run award and has finally come of age.  No Name Bruce through only fault of his own was named early and will forever be known about the hashing kingdom as "Sloppy Ball Handler".  His christening with a pound of flour explains the many gaps in trail.  The on-after was at Pixel Dick's roadhouse and finger sandwich outlet.  Rumor is also that the beer outlasted the hashers.  Check Snopes.com for confirmation.  For your viewing pleasure:  2007 Green Jacket Run
439		Puppycakes started the pack from the Cotton Patch on what was "Crazy Hat" night.  The Masters were in town but the downtown was fairly wide open as the hashers ran about.  The first beer stop was behind the museum, the second was behind the library, the third was the Playground, and the 4th was Joe's Underground.  A crazy thing happened on the way to the 2nd beer stop.  The hashers in the front showed up and the hashers in the rear lost trail.  Some mention of seeing eye dogs was mentioned as was too much beer, but it was determined that regardless of the hounds lack of tracking or drinking abilities, the run was doomed to suck from the start as all runs are.  FRB was Fecal Handler as she auto hashed the last 2 blocks to cement her crossing the finish line first.  Show Me your Dick was aided in her efforts to cross 4th for Bridesmaid.  Pixel Dick managed to acquire the DFL once again.  Hash shits remained with Bozo and Fromunda Cheese as the awards were not to be seen.  Bozo received his 50th run award and we had a couple returners and one virgin.
438		Puppycakes and Baglady led a small flotilla of thirsty hashers on a paddle happy cruise upon the water.  The first rash of the year started from the pond at the end of Rae's Creek.  The first beer stop was to a spot nearly at the mouth of Rae's creek where we could sit and drink our beers and marvel at the large amount of ancient appliances littering the shores.  Beer stop 2 was a bit up river where it was determined that Can't Talk Gotta Pee and his paddle were not communicating.  Beer stop 3 had us across the river on the SC side where we parked by a small water fall and a sandy beach.  Beer stop 4 was with the current to yet another small water run off and another sandy beach.  Beer stop 5 was back to Georgia and just in the mouth of Rae's Creek.  Super Ass Crotch and No Name Rich witnessed the first official sighting of the Bikinis as they took time off from paddling to drool.  Beer stop 6 was under the River Watch Parkway Bridge.  The rash finished back where it started, near the pond at the end of Rae's Creek.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was FRB, No Name Rich was Bridesmaid, and Bozo Where Art Thou was DFL.  At this point, any one that got out of their boat mysteriously lost balance and ended in the water.  Hardly Ever Comes and Holy Water Douche were returners.  Bozo was a tenner with his 50th run and Super Ass Crotch had 25 runs.  No awards were delivered as none were available.  Do to his antics and general slips of the tongue, No Name Rich was named on his 4th run and shall forever be known as "Frumunda Cheese"  A total of 8 attended the rash and all were mentioned in the history.  The on-after was at the Pizza Joint.
437		Hershey Highway and Pixel Dick led a thirsty band of hashers from the Cotton Patch.  Trail went up on the river walk and past the golfer's paradise and unto the pizza joint.  If you were lucky you could have got stuck in the loop of the two true trails.  A decision point wasn't properly cleared and some went backwards on an adjoining trail.  The second beer stop was at the Ren Bar where pitchers were not cheap and jello shots were the back up.  Joe's Underground was the 3rd stop and more beer was had by all.  The FRB was Fecal Handler, Bridesmaid was Foreskin King, and DFL was Bozo Where Art Thou.  Bozo was allowed to keep his hash shit as he forgot to bring it anyway.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was called to the center for numerous things.  Foremost among them his retirement from paying social security tax and his starting to reap its benefits.  He now has no excuse to miss runs and can become a full time hasher.  He also joined the drunken group of 200 runs.  Other teners were Fecal Handler with 60 runs and Mullet Muncher with 10.  Mullet Muncher was a returner and Cock Blocker joins us from the Youngson Kim She H3.  Cummin on Fuzz made it in from Beaufort SC for the long distance effort.  It was a poor showing for the girls as only 3 harriets showed up.  The on-after was at the Pizza Joint where hashers were harassed for bringing beer in off the street. They didn't stop us from taking it out but they sure didn't want us bringing it in.
436		Super Ass Crotch and No Name Rich took us on a death run that started from the Grovetown Trails at Euchee Creek.  It was a death run as the first beer stop was way the hell off in a distance too great to travel without beer.  After getting close to the creek which we never actually saw, we were confronted with a check back 23 which took us over to the water filled quarry.  After some amazingly long YBF's and a crossing of private property, we were in the asphalt laden suburbia that after climbing all the hills, finally on the highest one, gave up its treasure of beer.  The pack was split up and it took about 25 minutes before the last and first members of the pack were reunited.  The second beer stop was at the top of another hill which went across some private property and near some assholes that didn't want our group even near their yard (unmowed and poorly groomed that it might be).  The private property was ok'd with the owners prior to crossing it but it was not mentioned at the chalk talka and the hash shit was rewarded accordingly.  After the 2nd beer stop, it was a long trek back to the start where all arrived sun burnt and thirsty.  The FRB was No Name Bruce, Bridesmaid was Queen La Queefa, and DFL was Pixel Dick.  No teners but a slew of returners and out of towners.  Puppycakes was a 69er as 414 runs is devisable by 69.  We had Camel Toe visiting from Pennsylvania, No Name Jay visiting from Thailand, and No Name Steve was back from Beaufort SC.  We managed to name No Name Steve and he can now cum and go with the pride of a named hasher.  He shall now and forever be known to hashes far and wide as Cumming On Fuzz. The on-after was at El-Kiosco where large marguerites were consumed.
435		Chicken Fried Butt sex swapped hash dates with Queen La Queefa and Hershey Highway and then proceeded to wander about town with a few unfortunate hounds in his wake.  We started at the Cotton Patch and journeyed past many a fine watering hole until we took a very round about trail to the playground.  Our next leg was a true trail laden journey back and forth across broad street as we made it to the firehouse.  The end was of course predictable and we ended at the Cotton Patch.  FRB was Queenies Poose Poose, Spank My Spuds as Bridesmaid and Pixel Dick as DFL.  There was no hash shit present so none was presented.  Many a hasher used a nerd name and there was lost property.  Foreskin King received his 25th award, Put a Little Mouth on My South received her 75th award and Spank My Spuds made it into the 100 run club with her 100th run award.  We had one virgin who was trail trash at the last run but finally made his first full run.  As Poop Chute Recruit could not be there to sponsor him, Put a Little Mouth on My South stepped up and visited the circle in his stead.
434		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led the pack from the Wheeler Tavern.  The first part of trail was a high concentration of decision points and short distances and the last part was less decision points and ungodly distances.  Barnacle Bill, Show Me Your Dick and Argh Swab Me Dick were returners.  No Name Steve journeyed down from Savannah on a whim and was our visitor.  No Name Brian (trail trash) was picked up on trail by Poop Chute Recruit and was our token virgin.  The award winners were Barnacle Bill FRB (he crawled off during the run and napped in his car), Puppycakes was DFL and Bridesmaid was No Name Steve.  Puppycakes was given a hospital gown to run in for his getting injured on a previous trail.  Barnacle Bill received his 50th run foot.  Trail sucked as all trails do with cheap beer protected by the most fierce briars and thorns known in the shiggy world.  The final beer stop was at Indigo Joes where long time lost on trail hasher Bleeding Semen paid for the beer stop.  Had he showed up at the end he would have been properly awarded cohare status.  On after was at the Wheeler Tavern.
433		Poop Chute Recruit and Pap Smear led a very small but dedicated band of hashers on a trail that puts the sun's gravitation to shame.  It had that much suck-tion.  There were some hashers that made the start and circle but did not go on trail.  Stinky Pinky brought the hare and then provided the rescue vehicle once again.  Foreskin King and Fecal Handler did not trail but were there for both the start and finish.  Bozo showed up for the circle.  This left Pixel Dick, Baglady and the wounded Puppycakes to follow trail.  After a considerably long delay while beer was prepositioned, the hares finally left at about a quarter of eight.  Trail led us through the Grovetown Trails which might have some merit to visit if it weren't for the trail that was laid on them.  The first beer stop was cruelly long in its distance from the start.  The second and third beer stops were spaced much closer and were considered to be the highpoint of the trail.  After that, trail led up on Wrightsboro Road and the pack followed trail north until it ran out.  Supposedly there was a checkback  alerting the pack to turn back and go 180 degrees in the opposite direction.  Like bigfoot, its existance can not be confirmed.  After an eternity without beer, the whole pack, which was now off trail, called the hares to explain their ineptitude at which time the rescue vehicle was dispatched to pick up the pack and beer stop beer which had been previously stashed at the direction of the hares.  Not only did the hares plan the pack to go off in the wrong direction but they planned that they would do so without beer.  Heinous!  The circle found the hares to be unrepentant, worthy of beer.  No other hares had ever lost 100% of the pack.  Further anomalies noted on trail were that Euchee Creek was flowing the wrong way and that the constellation Orion was in the wrong place in the sky.
432		By Pixel:  Chicken Fried Butt Sex let that pack of hounds on a lovely Saturday afternoon run that was probably the worst run since the invention of the tennis shoe.  After touring the entire Riverside Park and most of North Augusta we finally reached our first beer stop.  If the leg wasn't long enough, there was a check back for more entertainment.  I call it a beer stop but use the term loosely since there wasn't enough of the sacred nectar to go around.  The only good thing about this stop was it was at Cock Blow and Testicle Rabbit's house.  It was great to see them. They were gracious enough to dip into their own reserve of beer to provide for stragglers on the death march.  The second leg of the run took us back into the shiggy and had us doing stunts worthy of the big top.  Trail lead us across a ravine spanned by a pipeline that made tightrope walkers of the bravest (stupidest) hashers.  Only Queen la Queefa, Pixel Dick and Put a Little Mouth On My South stayed the course and followed trail.  Unfortunately the Queen caught her foot on a guide wire during her dismount and had to leave trail early with an ankle injury.  The third leg of trail would have been reasonably short had the check back actually lead us to more trail.  Some of us zenned and the rest followed a virgin to the last beer stop.  It was a short jaunt back to the starting point from there.  We started circle by sacrificing 3 virgins.  No names Rich, Bruce, and proving there was still a female virgin of drinking age in the CSRA, Darcy.  Super Ass Crotch was punished by the hash gods for nearly killing our RA last week as they stole his whistle to make him a no blow.  Bloody Stool, Udderly Delicious, and Jizz Mop were returners.  Udderly Delicious proudly drnk for being FRB.  No Name Shawna was the Bridesmaid.  Poop Chute Recruit was DFL.  No Name Felipe is now and forever more to be know as Blowing Hunks.  It was something about blowing up the bathroom at our first beer stop's gracious host's house and covering the bed with up chuck or feeling up Chuck or something like that after a previous run.  The run sucked so bad the Chicken Fried made himself drink as he served as RA.
431		By Pixel:  Bozo lead the pack of hounds from 11th and Ellis on a run that one might describe as a joke.  A sick joke that is.  Trail ran hither and yan past every pub and bar, with nice comfortable seating, only just to tease us.  Both of his beer stops were outside where one could only dream of the safety of a nice friendly bar.  This run drove portions of the pack to take desperate measures.  Some auto hashed, some zenned, some wandered around lost, and some just went back to the start.  We had some returners, one of which has missed over 150 runs since her last appearance.  That was No Name Nancy, returning with her were Fecal Handler, Foreskin King and Queefa's Poose Poose.  Bozo made Hershey Highway come first,  Fecal Handler was Bridesmaid, and Pixel Dead was DFL.  Bozo's haring was so bad we took Lil South's hashshit away from her.  Super Ass Crotch retains the other hashshit although we tried to give to the GMs for not caring enough to show up to a run where they were desperately needed, the one our RA almost died.  Papsmear was awarded his 50th run foot for not having a life.By the Hare:  Well, there was whining about too many decision points, Chicken Fried Butt Sex twisted his ankle, Papsmear got ate up with ants, half the pack missed the second beer stop (it was too easy, they were lookin for it to be harder)....and I got nominated and won the hash shit for the best trail in history, but no one would admit how wonderful it was, because after so much beer on trail, they were afraid of circle...
430		Super Ass Crotch led a good sized crowd from the dirt parking lot by Green Jacket Stadium.  First we wandered past the falls and then down into the falls and across Rae Creek (wet), up and along the tracks to a YBF way the f*ck down the dirt road towards King's Mill.  The YBF worked as the DP looked a lot like a errant toss of flour.  Artwork or a lack of it cost the pack.  It was then into the woods for what seemed an eternity as we wandered along the river past the North Augusta Boat Ramp (across the river) to the part of the canal that connects to the river.  There we finally received beer.  The beer was placed in a treacherous place on top of a granite rock slide and beneath the River Watch bridge.  The reason this bears mention is that on the way down, in an effort to save a full glass of PBR, Puppycakes gave all.    In a race to defy gravity, puppycakes ended up at the bottom, falling on the last rock, cutting a two inch gash  in his shin and showing off his ample blood supply and some shiny bone.  Poop Chute Recruit knowing exactly what was needed, placed beaver (beaver t-shirt) on the bloody gash and stemmed the blood flow with the help of Baglady's shirt to apply pressure.  Stinky Pinky drove the ambulance car to the end point where Puppycakes and Baglady started their 4 hour odyssey at the ER and then didn't even get any drugs.  This was all caused by long beer stops beyond human endurance and Pixel talking to Puppycakes about tetanus shots and jinxing the day.  Pixel Dick wandered back to the start and was declared FRB.  Spank My Spud was Bridesmaid, and Poop Chute Recruit was DFL.  Super Ass Crotch got the hash shit for nearly killing the RA and causing Pixel to have to run the circle.  Put A Little Mouth On My South received the lost property she cherishes (old hash shit award).   An angry mob formed and wished to rename Puppy Cakes to something befitting the crime of gravity defiance but held off until Puppycakes could plead his case.  Puppycakes also missed his tener opportunity as he has 410 runs.  On after was at Famous Dave's.
429		Can't Talk Gotta Pee dug down deep and devised a run so heinous that saying it sucked doesn't quite describe it.  We started at the Highlander and wandered onto the greenway and then off it and then back on it, and then back off it, etc.  Leaving the greenway required hand over hand crawling up mud slides caked in wet leaves.  Terrain so nasty that the wood ticks avoid it.  Our beer stop was way back at the Highlander which was too far for a thirst to travel.  The next beer stop took us around the backside of the Highlander and back in.  The finish of course was out the door and up the steps to where you crossed the line, thus robbing you of any careful positioning strategies.  There was plenty of confusion as to what was bad trail as Can't Talk was incapable of making 3 lines and it was never mentioned if 3 or 4 marks would be true trail or not.  Can't Talk was awarded a proxy hash shit award in the awards absence.  Bozo Where Art Thou was the FRB, Juicer was the Bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was the DFL.  There were some teners as Pixel Dick has 210 runs, Poop Chute Recruit 120 runs, and Covergirl hit 25 and got his foot.  Poop Chute Recruit and Stinky Pinky arrived late and were treated like all wankers who arrive late, beer in the circle.  Plenty of accusations flew so many were allowed to sample the nectar of the Gods.  The on-after was in the Highlander.
428		Pixel Dick and Hershey Highway started us out at the parking lot by the CSRA Humane Society.  We proceeded to follow the roads around Lake Olmstead, feverishly hoping for a beer stop.  About an hour into trail and after the worst check back of some time, beer was found.  The check back was only 13 marks but that was somewhere in the neighborhood of a quarter mile or more.  We did get to see a couple houses that have goats in their yards and no sign of a mower.  Also we had to wander through a bamboo forest in our quest for nectar.  We ended up down by Eisenhower Park and the Water Works where we crossed over to the far side of the canal.  The second beer stop was in the ditch next to the canal road.  The 3rd and final beer stop was in the water falls on Rae creek.  Trail was somewhere between 3-4 miles of hellish sweat and thirst.  A bit cold also.  FRB was Jizz Mop, DFL was Queen La Queefa.  The bridesmaid was a tie to Puppycakes, Baglady, and Bozo Where Art Thou.  Teners were Baglady with 380 runs and Jizz Mop received his 150 runs foot.  The run of course sucked and for the hares making it so long between the start and the first beer stop, they were called to the circle and watched as the circle drank instead as the circle was more deserving and thirstier.  On After was at Udderly Delicious and Put a Little Mouth on My South's home where burgers and beers completed the day.
427		Puppycakes and Baglady laid a Valentines Day theme hash on Valentines Day of all days that started from the Cotton Patch parking lot.    It was a cold day that called for alcohol.  The first beer stop had no beer but did provide a treasure trove of Asti Spumante (8 hounds and 5 bottles) to give it the holiday feel.  The next beer stop was the firehouse, then the Renaissance, then the playground.  Much care was taken to provide anti freezing agents for the hounds to ingest.  A new mark to celebrate the occasion was also introduced.  It was a heart shaped "love check".  It worked like a naughty check except you could receive a slap on the ass, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek all of which were the choice of the hasher coming up on the one stranded in the check.  FRB was Bozo Where Art Thou.  Bridesmaid was No Name Troy who was here but his sponsor Colonel Broke Back was supposedly too comatose to attend.  The DFL was Poop Chute Recruit.  The hash shit remained in the hands of Put A Little Mouth on My South who didn't carry hers and Super Ass Crotch who was a no show.  We had two virgins and a few returners and accusations galore.  Trail of course was wonderful, full of refreshments, candies for the lucky few, but still deemed to have sucked.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee showed up with Tampa Bay Red Dress pictures which once again assured us that Can't Talk only takes pictures of T&A.  On after was at the Renaissance or Playground.
426		Super Ass Crotch let us on a merry chase which started somewhat ominously.  First the hare took off and then showed back up as he had forgotten the beer stop beer.  Next the water works people took puppycakes into a locked room to tell him how the hash was screwing up things by laying strange powders around the cities water supply.   The official report to the city was stopped as it was promised that the hash would be good in the future and not lay flour in or around the cities water supply.  The trail itself, which sucked, involved much shiggy and much ignorance of the needs of the hounds to not get cut by bushes or barb wire or the need to stay dry and unmuddy.  Udderly Delicious and her virgin ended up missing a beer stop and arriving prior to the hare.  Udderly Delicious was the FRB for her efforts.  Put a Little Mouth on My South was the Bridesmaid and also drank to get rid of her two hash shit awards.  One she kept for denting the pretty one and maybe peeing on the ugly one and one she gave to the hare for having the authorities down on us on two successive Saturday hashes.  She also was awarded a 69th run award.  Bozo Where Art Thou was a tener with 40.  The DFL was Hershey Highway, not actually but it worked for the circle.  "I Da Ho" visited us from Atlanta and didn't bring Penetration with her because he was "working". (pause for giggles) She brought $50 bucks worth of shooters and shots so he was not missed.  Spank My Spuds was tossed into the circle as it is her birthday tomorrow.  The on after was at Famous Dave's Barbecue where our beer and drinks were free......... Nice waiter.........
425		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led the hounds through a muddy, wet, thorn adorned trail that started behind the Evans Urgent Care.  A stingy haring to be sure as the flour was in short supply at the beginning and the last part of the trail was laid verbally.  Trickery was a foot as is with all of Chicken Fried Butt Sex's trails.  The first beer stop was moved three times as he awaited the hounds arrival.  Each place more deadly than the first.  Beer does taste good after crossing hills, ravines, fences, creeks, and briars.  Trail did of course suck as was determined by all of the hounds.  Some hounds excelled on trail as Fecal Handler was FRB, Colonel Broke Back was Bridesmaid, and Mullet Muncher was DFL.  The hash shit was a no show but was almost awarded in abstentia.  Queen La Queefa was a tener with 190 runs and Show Me Your Dick received her 25th run award.  Show Me was also a returning bastard and drank accordingly.  Show Me also drank for advertising the Army on her person and others joined her for wearing clothing advertising other things besides hashing and debauchery.  The on after was at Mi Rancho's.
424		Super Ass Crotch led a band of cold hashers on a merry chase through the seedier parts of downtown Augusta.  Trail began at the Cotton Patch Parking area on Cotton Lane.  After meandering around the river walk and Reynolds Street, trail led us across 13th street where beer was consumed.  There were a few Keystone lights in the mix so it was a hard lesson in survival.  The second beer stop had us following the canal as it wandered towards the Laney Walker area by the James Brown Arena.  This beer stop was pure PBR so all was well behind the abandoned buildings as we gazed on the foot of muck in the cement lined canal.  Put a little Mouth on My South garnered the hash shit award for her total disregard for decorum while relieving herself .  I think the fork lift operator across the canal was waving.  FRB was Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Bridesmaid was Fecal Handler and DFL was Covergirl.  Super Ass Crotch and The Foreskin King were both teners with 20 runs.  Tater Tits was a returner and Stool Softner was on her virgin run.  The on-after was at the 1102 where due to a lack of access to the pool tables, half the hashers bolted.  Those that remained enjoyed the best service in the history of on-afters at 1102 as we usually enjoyed shitty service there.  And of course the run sucked.
423		Puppycakes and Baglady started a very cold evening's run from the shared parking log of the Evans Pizza Joint and Lowes.  Trail cut down Old Evans Road, into a side neighborhood, over a stream, onto Washington Road, back behind the feed and seed store where beer was enjoyed over looking the large pond.  The second leg found the hounds back on Old Evan's road and back behind the Lowes in the large ditch and swamp area where beer was once again enjoyed by all.  Trail was cut short and returned to the start where the hares were blessed with many beers.  The FRB was Chicken Fried Butt Sex, DFL was No Name Gina, and Bridesmaid was Lost Cunt Tree.  Juicer got his 25th run award and there were a couple of teners/69ers with Chicken Fried Butt Sex having 230 runs.  The on after was held in the pizza joint where food and drinking continued.
422		By Pixel Dick: Super Ass Crotch returned from a long hiatus as hare to lead us on the worst bi-state trail in recent history.  The first mistake he made was to not warn us to bring our personal carry firearms as on the first way too long leg of trail he led us through many of South Carolina’s homeless camps to our first beer stop at, you guessed it, a homeless camp.  The second way too long leg of trail caused Richmond County’s finest to come ask us “what is whitey doing talking to himself and throwing a white substance on the ground.”   The second mistake was the length of trail to beer stop ratio was way off.  A trail of that length should have had about 20 beer stops.  His attempt to appease the pack by opening up his liquor cabinet was appreciated, albeit foolish as it didn’t work.  The freshened breath of many a hasher helped a little, too.  And we’re (not) sorry about killing the Rumplemintz.  The third mistake was having the pack interviewed by the above mentioned police officers.  Only two police cars?  Come on, a real trail has 4 or more.  The forth mistake, the tennis ball method of laying trail.  This method of laying trail, while interesting, works best on smooth paths, sidewalks and streets.  Sidewalks and streets indicate two things: 1) bar beer stops, we had none of these, 2) little shiggy. This hound wore shorts and didn’t bleed.  No blood, no trail.  Those that made it back to circle before curfew awarded the hashshit to, you guessed it, Super Ass Crotch for his trail.  Jizz Mop was FRB.  Spank My Spud was Bridesmaid.  No Name Ashley was DFL.  Thank god Lil South and No Name Ashley were returners as we need more wenches at our hashes.  Due to stupid accounting tricks Jucier escaped a down-down for his 25th run.
421		Puppycakes and Baglady led the pack on a run that started by the old Winn Dixie by the intersection of  Columbia Road and Belair Road.  The trail went through some virgin territory in the Shadowmoor housing area and had its first beer stop at MiRancho's.  The second beer stop was over in the Blanchard Park ball field area.  Trail crossed major roads 4 times and had a bit of shiggy towards the end.  Both GM's and the beermeister were absent so the hares supplied the beer.  The FRB was PapSmear, Bridesmaid was Fecal Handler whose house we ran by, DFL was Bozo Where Art Thou.  The hares were continually invited to the circle due to jealousy of a finely laid trail.  Neither of the hash shit awards managed to appear so better luck next time.  No Name Chris was named in the absence of his sponsor Colonel BrokeBack which is heinous.  He will now and forever be known to hashes near and far as "Mullet Muncher".  The on after was at MiRancho's where Mullet Muncher's virgin spent some quality time in the bathroom earning her name when the time comes.
420		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led the pack on a day run from the Savannah Rapids Pavilion area.  Two words.............gravity sucks...........  We wandered through the woods, along reed creek, across the canal bridge, down to the river's edge through the woods, across a small beaver dam to a dinky island, and then we could have our precious beer.  The next leg took us up the 6 million steps of the Rapids Pavilion, out the gate, into the woods, up the hillside, down the ravine, up another hillside, to the river's edge once more before we could have our beer.  The third leg had us going up the hill, down the ravine to the nasty pond, up the hill along the power lines, over and through fences, down to the creek's edge, then we could have our beer.  The last leg was short but once more, up hill before we could have our beer.  We had two returners in Bloody Stool and Jizz Mop.  We lost two on trail in Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick.  Bloody Stool was FRB, Hershey Highway was DFL and Queen La Queefa was bridesmaid. Hershey neglected to have a whistle and paid for her sin.  Chicken fried Butt Sex had a half full PBR in the cooler and paid for his sin.  Puppycakes had 400 runs and paid for his glory.  The run sucked as usual and the on after was at Mi Ranchos.  In an impromptu naming, Bloody Stool and Tater Tits off spring shall now and forever be known as "Stool Softener".  The pitchers were on special so all was well with the world.
419		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led the hounds from the Highlander on what was to be a short run followed by a mismanagement session.  What it ended up being was exercise and chaos.  Normal shit.  The first beer stop found us near an abandoned house which after closer inspection was not as abandoned as previously thought.  The second beer stop was in the safety of the highlander .   The FRB was Puppycakes, DFL was Argh, Swab Me Dick and bridesmaid was Hershey Highway.  The hash shit is once more or should we say still with Colonel Brokeback as his antics over the weekend supersedes any stupidity we could have mustered on trail.  See him for details on whether he was naked or not.  We were blessed with the return of Priest Fodder, from Wisconsin (home of cheese products and a second rate football team), for a one night stand.  This brought about much reminiscing and bullshitting.  The mismanagement filled some haring vacancies and broached discussion on upcoming hash events.  Blue ribbon fact finding committees were formed.
418		Can't Talk Gotta Pee lead on a trail that can barely be described as a yawner.  Trail was lame, short and fricken cold (thanks Pap Smear).  First beer stop was at Joe's Underground, the offical first beer stop of a Can't Talk trail.  This stop was followed up by a quick jaunt to the Firehouse.  One of the atributes of the trail was it was lame.  However, this was not entirely the hare's fault.  We had BEER BLOCKERS at the run.  Over 20 percent of the paying beer drinkers did not pay for the run until AFTER the hare was away.  Thus, the hare's ability to pay for beer was impared.  I don't want to mention any names but their initials were Hershy Highway, Poop Chute, and Stinky Pinky. Chicken Fried was FRB, Juicer Bridesmaid, and Stinky Pinky was DFL.  We had 5 returners, not the least of which was Super Ass Crotch which we wanted to make him do a down down for every run he missed, but we decided we wanted to go home before next weeks run and let him off the hook.  Colonel Brokeback won the Hash Shit for being well, the Colonel.  That and forgeting to carry the award on the run.  The on after was at the Pizza Joint where 3 more hashers joined us for pizza and more beer.
417		Pap Smear led a band of dedicated hashers from Goodale Park in Grovetown through some of the finer trailer parks of Columbia County.  After 17 million naughty checks, a few creek crossings, some woods, some beer, barb wire, encounters with red neck cannabis farmers and a wee bit of well marked trail the hounds were at the end.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was FRB, Puppy Cakes was DFL, Colonel Brokeback was Bridesmaid.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Bozo Where Art Thou put together a brand new hash shit award to celebrate the new year which Colonel Broke Back received.  No Name Chris was a no blow and Hershey Highway got a way with sneaking new shoes into the hash.  The on after was at La Kiosco's Mexican Restaurant.
416		Bozo Where Art Thou led the hounds from a parking lot on the corner of Hickman Road and Central Avenue.  The trail had us finding beer in three locations and covering a large portion of the area between Walton and Central Avenue.  There were gifts on trail as some hounds were able to shop for and pick up new furniture.  The FRB was no name Kris, the bridesmaid was Spank My Spuds, and DFL was Fecal Handler.  Baglady was a 69er with 369.  Fecal Handler got her 50 run foot one run late.  The on after was at Bozo's where he threatened to create a spaghetti masterpiece.
415		Puppycakes and Baglady led the 6th anal dress like Santa run from the Cotton Patch parking area.  The hares led a trail down to the river and onto a floating dock where peppermint schnapps and candy canes were enjoyed.  The next stops took us to Joe's Underground and the Playground where beer was enjoyed by all.  The FRB was Hardly Ever Comes and the Bridesmaid was Holy Water Douche.  DFL was Choice of a New Penetration.  We drank to Choice of a new Penetration as he is moving (finally).  We had 3 virgins to sacrifice and a bunch of returnees as Hardly ever Comes, Udderly Delicious,  Holy Water Douche, and Urinal Cake Smoker were returnees.  Colonel Broke Back got his 25th run award.  Put a Little Mouth on My South received the hashshit yet again for forgetting it.  It was determined that the run sort of sucked and a few forgot their whistles which means more beer.  Urinal Cake Smoker had 10 runs and was a tener so of course he drank.  We dragged the Sagittarius fools out for a birthday drink as Pixel Dick and   Choice of a new Penetration were all born under the same rock but on different years.  We drank a toast to Holy Water Douche and Hardly Ever Comes, who having met at our hash, are now planning on getting married.  And who said hashing couldn't ruin your life? :)  The location of the on after was left up in the air as many had different plans.
414		Chicken Fried Butt Sex held a mystery hare run where the hounds drew from a hat.  Stinky Pinky and Chicken Fried Butt Sex won the honor of leading trail from the Cotton Patch area.  Trail was long and arduous as our first beer stop took us nearly a quarter of a mile from our last cold beer.  The next beer stop was confusing to get to as we had to pass through a bad trail marker to get to good trail.  This alone earned some suction.  We ended up at the Green Streets amateur singing emporium where the hare set up some of the hounds to sing gay songs.  This frivolous activity took past 9pm and since the beer was gone, the hares just might have been SNARED.  The run ended up at the cotton patch where  we had no virgins or returnees.  Put a little Mouth on My South mentioned how lovely the hashshit was now, minus the cement, and then didn't bring it, thus earning one more go around as hash shit.  Puppycakes was FRB, No Name Chris was DFL and someone was bridesmaid.  The run of course sucked and the hares of course drank.
413		Pixel Dick scouted the best trail of his life and then took us on the typical sucky trail our hares are known for.  First we had to follow three hares, Pixel Dick, Colonel Brokeback, Choice of a New Penetration.  They of course were using auto haring techniques which made the check back 69 from a mile or more away seem less painful.  We crossed a few creeks, did the typical briars, played on the railroad tracks, crossed dangerous roads, and drank with the Legionaires.  The FRB was Chicken Fried Butt Sex, No Name Chris, and Hershey Highway, Bridesmaid was Argh, Swab Me Dick, DFL was Puppycakes.  There were 3 virgins to sacrifice.  Teners were Penetration with 70 runs, Pixel Dick with 200 runs, Pap Smear with 40 runs, Spank My Spuds with 90 runs, and Juicer with 20 runs.  Pixel Dick celebrated his birthday and is now older than dirt.  On after was at the Pizza Joint.
412		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and PapSmear led us on what some would call a muddy run, while others would call it a pricker run, and yet others would just call it a run lead by some pricks.  At any rate we started at the parking area behind the Urgent Care in Evans.  We ended up tracking a good portion of Washington Road, got to look at some new Fords, and of course met some interesting pricker bushes.  There was some deep and some steep shiggy as we descended into a valley full of shiggy and climbed the high piles of mud created by evil bulldozers.  The run of course sucked as much as the ticks that latched onto our asses to drink our beer soaked blood.  The run started with a slight beer shortage as our beermeister was not to be seen.  Beer was plentiful once more as the back up beermeister was telephonically guided to our location.  Choice of a New Penetration was a returner and a 69 award winner.  Bozo where art thou was a tener with 30 runs.  Bozo also was accused of concealing information at his naming and an emergency renaming session was called.  After much deliberation and the discovery of better names it was determined his punishment should be to retain his name and the shame it now holds. Fecal Handler was a tener with 50 but didn't make it through the whole run.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was a tener with 190.  The Bridesmaid was Hershey Highway, the DFL was Juicer but Pixel being the next to last was chosen for his ability to consume alcohol.  FRB seemed to be Choice of a New Penetration.  The Hashshit remains in the control of Put a Little Mouth on My South as it was not seen this night.  On after was at the Pizza Joint.
411		Thanksgiving was celebrated by a "fatboy hash". The key to a proper fat boy hash is there is no running and there are no decision points or bad trail.  It is not a pub crawl but damn close.  Puppycakes and baglady led the turkey stuffed hounds on a short but meaningful romp through those bars that scoff at being closed on Thanksgiving.  The FRB was PapSmear, bridesmaid was Juicer, DFL was Hershey Highway.  There were plenty of returners and Hershey was a tener with 70 runs.  The playground provided food at the 2nd beer stop so we love them even though they carded Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  The on after was at the Ren Pub.
NA		Stinky Pinky and Poop Chute Recruit hosted the 5th Anal Hashgiving potluck.  In attendance besides the beer and the food were:  Baglady, Barnicle Bill the Failure, Bozo, Where Art Thou, Chicken Fried Butt Sex,Dead Peter Beater , Erectile Phobia, Fisted Sister, Hershey Highway , Jizz Mop, No Name Brent , No Name Louis , Pap Smear,  Pixel Dick, Poop Chute Recruit, Port-A-Pussy,   Puppycakes, Put a Little Mouth on My South, Queen La Queefa,  Self-assured Cocky Arrogant Bastard (SCAB), Show Me Your Dick, and Stinky Pinky.  A few more showed up at the end to admire the fire but they flew under Pixel Dick's mighty scribe radar.  A late hash was planned and the chalk talk was laid but the hare passed out in a chair and the hash was saved a shitty trail.
410		Poop Chute hosted a sorry band of hashers with nothing much to do at 10 AM on a Saturday morning.  The run started from Grovetown Trails, a City of Grovetown Park on Harlem Grovetown Road.  When it was about 10:15, the hare realized he hadn't laid out the trail beer stops and off he went.   Meanwhile, the pack of hounds grew to a monstrous 5.  Itching for trail they simply drank beer while the hair did what he should have done hours ago.  Finally the hare came back and ineptly prepared the chalk talk.  Off went the hare, claiming he only needed a minute or two.  The pack, however, was on it's own timetable by now and stayed at the start until they emptied their vessels (cuz they wanted to refill them and start trail with full beers.)  Only a few hundred feet into the trail, they saw a marking resembling a true trail mark on other runs, but no example was at chalk talk.  The trail continued down asphalt paved paths with shiggy to either side.  What little shiggy was on trail was obviously and easily zenned around.  Finally after a true trail marker that led to bad trail, we found the first beer stop.  A scenic overlook to the pond in the middle of the park.  Still not realizing the pack was in their own timezone, the hare gave some measure of time that they should follow,  However, he didn't know that the pond needed a drink as well.  The hounds prepared a special spewing beer to annoint the virgin hash water.  Once the quantity of beer was down to a reasonable amount to carry, the pack was off.  The next beer stop was down a trail that the hare promised anyone venturing further down said trail that all that needed to be done was to trade gay sex for a ride back to the start.  He stated he did just that while scouting trail.  Oddly enough, we had no takers.  Anyway, this beer stop overlooked the rapids on Euchee Creek.  To commerate this sacred stop the pack planted a beer tree.  Off went the hare, as he had to meet up with one of Grovetown's finest back at the start (maybe for more gay sex?).  The pack decided to finish the beer stop beer rather than carry it so Poop Chute had plenty of time for whatever he needed to do.  Finally we crossed trail to get back to the start.  Papsmear, an RA that provides good weather, circled us up for the down-down.  Bozo, smartly dressed, joined us at the circle.  The hare got confused and incorrectly identified the award winners.  He was punished for this and many other infractions.  As the ever inquizative RA found out, Hersey Highway was FRB, Lil South was ever the Bridesmain, never the bride, the GM in attendance , Chicken Fried, was DFL.  During the festivities, a second of Grovetown's finest checked in to make sure we had plenty of beer.  The on after was the Pot Luck at Poopy Pinky's.
409		There was treachery a foot as there were not one, not two, but three hares.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex and his concubines, Pap Smear and Juicer started us from the North Augusta boat ramp.  Trail had plenty of shiggy as we went searching for the kind that had thorns or the kind that has you nearly falling into the river.  We saw quite a few of the Frisbee golf holes in our quest for beer but seemed to end up back at the same one.  Puppycakes was FRB, Hershey Highway was Bridesmaid and No Name Dave was a returner and DFL.  Trail sucked so bad that GOD saw fit to unleash the downpour at the precise moment the pack was asked about the quality of the trail.  Trail was flushed from this earth but alas not from our minds.  On after was at the Highlander.
408		Bozo Where Art Thou called an emergency hash together to celebrate the fact that beer tastes better on the river.  We started from the Water Works and followed trail to the grassy knoll where we proceeded to beer stop as we island hopped.  We ended up at Hammond Rapids which meant we came back to the starting point via the trails.  The 20 foot vertical climb up the muddly slope was as pleasant as usual.  Those who had inner tubes suffered less than those with boats or 60 pounds of cooler and kayak.  The circle was in the woods where Pixel Dick was FRB as he missed the last beer stop (got stuck in dead water), Put a Little Mouth on My South was bridesmaid and Hershey Highway was DFL.  We had some teners as puppycakes had 390 and Put a Little Mouth on My South mistakenly celebrated number 60 one run early.  We can do that again next run.  Show Me Your Dick had 25 runs and will get her reward next run.  The on after was at Reinharts Oyster Bar where we watched Bozo consume this year's catch of crab.
407		Puppycakes and Baglady laid a trail from the Cotton Patch area.  The first beer stop was down on the riverwatch path via 13th street and the old Bartram trail.  The next stop was on top of the parking garage near the Cotton Exchange and finally down in the cellar called Joe's Underground.  A wonderful trail which albeit great, was doomed to suck the moment the circle formed.  The FRB was Spank My Spuds, Bridesmaid was Papsmear, and DFL was Poop Chute Recruit.  Put a Little Mouth on My South maintained her hold on the hash shit for leaving it in the car for the whole trail.  Plenty of returners and visitors to punish in the circle.  We had two namings as No Name Tom is now known as "Shart Attack" and No Name Scott is now known as "Dick Swinger".  The down down was a free for all as when one whatever drank they all drank and thanks to inbreeding everybody is connected to everybody in some way.  The on after was at the Pizza Joint.
406		Poop Chute Recruit and Stinky Pinky led us on a trail of despair.  Trail started at the 11th Street and Ellis Street parking lot but wandered aimlessly about until it came to the first beer stop.  The despair comes from the many hashers who lost trail and, knowing the hashers that found trail were drinking the beer, became desperate and used technology to find trail.  The later beer stops were quite transparent as you know Stinky would want to go to Green Streets to sing.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB, Bozo Where Art Thou was the bridesmaid, and Hershey Highway (acting beermeister) was DFL.  She made us wait for the beer and somehow didn't get the shit award.  No Virgins but a returner or two as Can't Talk Gotta Pee and Chicken Fried Butt Sex had missed a few runs.  Bozo Where Art Thou received the coveted 25 run award.
405		Pixel hared a hard and long trail for the hang over hash, thus ending the 400th weekend.  Trail started with bloody marys and ended with beer.  The trail had no beer stops which made it very difficult.  The trail consisted of a cirlce of about 10 drops of flour.  4 would have been better but Pixel pushed us to the limit.  Put a Little Mouth on My South kept the hash shit for lack of a reason to take it from her.  No other award winners were recorded.  No Name Chris was awarded a brand new hash name of "Cock Blow".  Queen LaQueefa was a tener with 180 runs.
400		Pixel Dick led the pack on a pub crawl that featured lots of red and some very ugly dresses.  It was the 6th Anal Red Dress run and 400th run celebration.  We made stops at the hash friendly bars of Joe's Underground, The Playground, The Firehouse, and The Renaissance Bar.  We had some returners and a few virgins for our gathering as well as guests from South Carolina and Atlanta.  Poop Chute Recruit was a tener with 110 runs and some owed from the previous run.  We named no name Monica to her new hash name of "Testicle Rabbit".  There were no award winners but Udderly Delicious and Put a Little Mouth on My South were the hash shit award winners for burning chilli and breaking vases at the previous hash.
403		Udderly Delicious and Put a Little Mouth on My South hosted the 5th Anal Hashoween party.  Most of the hashers came in some sort of ridiculous garb as costumes ranged from the macabre to the bizarre.  The smoke machine was blazing and the music was pumping as the hashers showed their skill at tippy cup, dice, and bullshitting that lasted far into the evening.  We had plenty of virgins and some hashers that were definitely returners.  It was a fine start for the red dress weekend.
402		Puppycakes and Baglady started the pack from the Backyard Tavern parking area on a night that saw the return of the Beermeister.  Trail was about 3 miles of 50-50 woods to roads with 4 beer stops.  Trail tested the hounds metal as half the pack zenned after the 3rd beer stop in fear of being lost in the woods.  The hardy few that maintained received another beer stop for their trouble.  The last two beer stops were pour and goes as the hares were not about to wait on the pack being it was after 9pm.   The teners from last run that missed being honored: Barnacle Bill the Failure, Show Me Your Dick, and Bozo Where Art Thou received their come uppence in the circle.  No Name Jake joined us as a virgin and Self-assured Cocky Arrogant Bastard (SCAB) arrived in the area to start hashing with us.  Barnacle was the FRB, Bozo the bridesmaid, and No Name Monica the DFL.  Trail albeit great was said to suck and there were a couple of no blows.
401		Pixel Dick led us on our hash erection run which started at the Highlander and had 24 hashers participating in the erections.  Trail sucked as it was too long, too dry, too short, too much shiggy, not enough shiggy, and of course poorly marked.  The FRB was Show me your Dick, Bridesmaid was Papsmear, DFL was Stinky Pinky, and hash shit for leaving it at home was Pixel Dick.  There was a bunch of teners that failed to get recognition as Barnacle Bill the Failure has 40 runs, Bozo, where art thou has 20, Show me your Dick has 20, and Pixel Dick has 190.  RA duties were handled by PapSmear who also missed the 3 returners and Chicken Fried Butt Sex's shiny new shoes.  There was a referendum that was voted on and we will once again have the beermeister to rely on for our nourishment.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Queen LaQueefa will be taking on General Manager and General Mattress duties.  Puppycakes and Papsmear will balance the RA duties per their schedules and whims.  Pixel Dick will be hare raiser, hash cash, hash scribe and hash ambasador  to outside hashes.  Put a little south in my Mouth will be haberdasher.  Beer Meister will be No Name Chris and Monica.  Head giver is kind of unclear but looks to be Fecal Handler or Dead Peter Beater.  The web meister and group mail scourge duties will remain with Puppycakes.  These results are subject to my screwed up interpretation and recollection as the GM's and RA's past and present did a lot of trips to the circle.  The on after was held at the highlander.
404		Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick led the crew through the streets of down town Augusta as everyone dressed out in a wedding theme.  Our hares, in nearly matching wedding gowns, laid a trail of rice that was damn hard to see and find.  Luckily the trail went to the old haunts of the Pizza Joint and the Playground.  The onlookers were plenty interested in our doings as many a question of "what the f*ck are you doing" surfaced.  The wedding dresses must have chose the last beer stop as we were in the yard surrounding the Episcopal church which is normally known as a cemetery.  We all arrived back at our starting point (cotton patch) in time to arrive with the cop's little golf cart.  The first minutes were spent without beverage of choice but soon the suds flowed once again.  The FRB was Baglady, Bridesmaid was Puppycakes, and DFL was No Name Chris.  The hash shit went to Dead Peter Beater for her dropping and wasting of rice, i.e. trail.  We had some returners and Hershey Highway was a tener with 60 runs.  Leave it to Cleavage was also a tener with 30 but left before the down down.
399		Puppycakes and Baglady lead the last 300 plus run of the hash from the Highlander pub.  Trail started from some cold pitchers in the highlander and proceeded down the ever popular backside of the parking lot where many a keyster met its doom as hashers were riding down the hill on their asses.  Trail then wandered through the tunnel and ended up with the next beer stop on the floating dock down on the Savannah.  The next beer stop found the hash at the little park with the 1700s villiage.  The finish was behind the highlander.  Quite a few hounds admitted that trail was wonderful but soon lost their integrity as the trail was declared foul and the hares received the hash shit award.  The FRB was Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Bridesmaid was Choice of a New Penetration, and DFL was Pixel Dick.  Argh, Swab me Dick recieved his 25th run foot.  We had some virgins and a naming.  No Name Greg will now and forever wander throughout hashdom as " Queer Eye for the Steer Guy", proud Texan that he is.  Pap Smear was RA and ensured good weather for the trail.  The on after was in the Highlander where much English chow was consumed and $5 pitchers were enjoyed by all.
398		Queen La Queefa and Chicken Fried Butt Sex started us from the Eisenhower Park location and ran us over to the Water Works where we could find a checkback 30 and basically go back to Eisenhower Park where they cut us through the hedges into a long bad trail which put us into the jungle paths and things that make you itch.  What seemed like an endless time of thirst, we were rewarded with our first beer stop.  It was an arduous trail wrought with long uphill grades and little for our glasses.  The next beer stop had us going in the "Somewhere in Augusta " patio area.  This was at 10 minutes to 9 just to show you how long we suffered for our second beer stop.  The trail was full of ass grabbing naughty checks and hard to see chalk X's.  The FRB was Greenal Seepage who also thought the trail rocked and drank for his sins.  The Bridesmaid was Barnicle Bill the Failure.  The DFL was Baglady.  The hashshit is probably on tempload to Argh Swab Me Dick as Choice of a New Penetration will do something to get it back.  Argh was trying to do a pint of lager and took so damn long to explain it he just deserved it .  Argh also was celebrating his 25th run and consumed much beer.  Queen La Queefa was celebrating you 175th run and Puppycakes was celebrating number 380.  We had plenty of virgins (3) one visitor, and a returner or two.  We honored No Name Greg with a trip to the circle to acknowledge he will be named next run.  We named the last of our No Name Kevins as he shall now and forever be known as "Urinal Cake Smoker".  Puppycakes RA'd the affair so deja vu was experienced by some.  After much deliberation, the run was determined to have sucked with the exception of some misguided few that drank with the hares.  On the way to the on-after, the hare was seen laying trail on a passing train which means the run had not ended and I've tryped the last paragraph in vain.
397		It was a Black Tie, Formal attire theme and Put a Little Mouth on My South, in a Liza Minelli Cabaret outfit, and Choice of a New Penetration, in a long red dress, led us on our adventure which started from the parking area near the Cotton Patch.  Most wore a fine black tie with a few wearing formal evening attire.  The run was hard and the beer was miles away at times and the run sucked but all of that is nothing new.  Choice of a new Penetration received the hash shit for once again just being himself.  Puppycakes was the FRB, No Name Scott was Bridesmaid, and The Foreskin King was DFL.  Show me your dick was a returner,  Put a Little Mouth on My South was a tener with 50 runs, Pap Smear had 30 and Colonel Broke Back had 20.  One of Richmond Counties finest cruised past us and hung out so we sang a little quieter and did a little less during the swing low portion of our hash.  The on after was at the Ren bar.
396		The rain came down hard all day but let up for the event of the evening as Puppycakes and Baglady led a hash from the ever popular Cotton Patch area.  The hares conveniently coordinated with the city and the "arts in the park" nonsense so that plenty of tents would be available to use should the weather change for the worse.  The theme was "unlucky" and the hashers quick wittedly came as themselves thus proving no theme too hard to dress for.  Trail was tailored back to be careful of weather changes but non presented them selves.  Pixel was heard to comment that there was too much beer on trail which makes the shitty trail condemnation at the end seem so insincere.  Hershey Highway was FRB, Bozo where art thou was Bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was DFL.  The on after was at the Ren bar.
395		Queen La Queefa and Choice of a New Penetration led us on a run where we honored Steve Irwin, Crockadile Hunter, as he met his fate this past week.  We adorned ourselves with Kaki clothing and took to the streets in search of trail.  Trail was more elusive than virgins in a maternity ward as the pack lost the scent and was unable to regain it.  The hares fearing a sucky trail, utilized technology to steer the pack to the precious beer.  We started over by the Cotton Patch and ended up by the canal by Enterprise Mill.  The second beer stop was at the Playground and the pack was able to follow a much improved trail.  Shitty trail was unavoidable as the hares received the hash shit for their troubles.  Argh, Swab Me Dick was the bridesmaid, Chicken Fried Butt Sex was FRB and The Foreskin King and Fecal Handler snuck in as DFL.  There were a few auto hashers that hitched a ride with Colonel Brokeback.  We had one virgin, some returners, a bunch of teners as Baglady had 350 runs, Choice of a New Penetration had 60, The Foreskin King had 10, and we missed Spank My Spuds 80 as she now had 81.  We had one naming as  No Name Bert was leaving for Columbia.  She will now be known to hashers far and wide as "Beer Ass Cleavage".  The on after was at the Tap Tap.
394		Chicken Fried Butt Sex was going to lead us from the Cotton Patch on a football theme run but the religious advisor screwed things up and arranged for more rain that was allowable for a Wednesday night run.  We auto hashed to Joe's Underground where much beer and food was consumed.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was a tenor with 210 runs and Spank My Spuds was a tenor with 80 runs.  No awards awarded.
393		Put a Little Mouth on My South hared the 4th, 1st Anal Hash Rubber Boat Regatta.  We started from the Water Works location with some vehicles getting staged at the Augusta boat ramp.  There were many a seaworthy craft unless you questioned how many beers does it take to swamp a rubber raft.  There were party platforms and plenty of blowup beds.    The typical obstacle remains, "how to get down that damn dirt road to the launch point with out getting tired".  Some who were overloaded with beer (Pixel and Penetration) got in at the Water Works and waited the hour and a half until the rest got to them.  They survived on beer and were fine.  The rest set sail from a good distance further up river where the white water lives.  There were some mishaps along the way as Lost Cuntry kept losing either his boat or his cooler or his virgin or all three.  Argh managed to make the trip without walking in the river and touching the "icky seaweed".  The water was running high and the blue lagoon was under water.  Puppycakes and Baglady retreated to the water works and the rest went on to the Boat Ramp.  Puppycakes and Baglady guarded the blue lagoon until their beer ran low and had to retreat to shore.  Fecal Handler was a tener with 40 runs and Argh, Swab Me Dick was a tener with 20 runs.  Here is a link to some of the pictures from the journey.  hash393.mpg
392		Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater hared on but two days rest and led a pub crawl through downtown Augusta.  We started at the 11th and Ellis location and the theme was Back to school.  Outfits ranged from Argh, Swab me Dick looking like the dweeb teacher you loved to hate or Pixel Dick looking like the ugly girl that no one could figure out how she got pregnant or to the girls in their short skirts and white shirts.  We targeted the Pizza Joint, Joes Underground, and the Playground.  Plenty of cat calls from the nonhashing public as well as questions as to what the f*ck we were doing.  Many a drunken hash song broke the silence of the Playground as it was explained to all why Jesus doesn't hash.  We didn't have any FRB, DFL, or Bridesmaid as it was a pub crawl.  Many sorry excuses got many into the circle.  Queen La Queefa was a tener with 170 runs.  Even Charlotte's own Lost Cuntry was a tener with 10 runs with us.  We had one virgin (Joanie) and Dr. Doo Doo joined us from the Atlanta SOB.  The on after was at the Tap Tap.
391		Dead Peter Beater and her trusty sidekick Pixel Dick started trail from behind Batteries Plus in what was a rare dry start.  Seems they had arranged for police protection of the starting point.  The first leg was surprisingly long and short on beer as we went past many perfectly good bars in order to drink in a bug infested ditch.  The next two beer stops were a trip through yesteryear as we ended up in a couple of long vacated domicile locations, one actually being gone forcing us to hang by the shed.  (abandoned houses for those that don't know DPB) The FRB was Colonel Broke Back, Covergirl was the Bridesmaid, and Poop Chute Recruit was the DFL.  Poop Chute recruit also had new shoes and was  a returner.  Fecal Handler called him out on his new shoes and when confronted with the opportunity to mix beer and the sweat of Poop's feet, declined the offer and no one drank from them shoes.  We had a virgin that came equipped with her own bionic leg.  Most the virgins have been fairly normal up to now.  Pixel Dick was a tener with 180 runs, Dead Peter Beater had 130 runs also.  Many a screw up in the circle was rewarded with return trips.  Bozo Where Art Thou received a reward for his out of town, having sex with some lesbiens blow up doll, in the circle, activities.  Rumor is that the run sucked and the hounds sweated and the pack had to drink the beast.  On after was at the Wheeler Tavern
390		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Queen La Queefa led the 3rd 1st anal Hash Rubber Boat Regatta on a Sunday morning.  By the time we were all in position, it was no longer Sunday morning, better luck next time.  We put in north of the Water Works which meant a long hump carrying our beer and our boats.  We positioned vehicles at the North Augusta Boat Ramp where we eventually ended up but not all used the river to get there.  The water was cold but refreshing and later a godsend as the heat of the suns burning rays turned us fair haired hashers to lobster people.  We hopped into the current at the canal park and coasted, and bounced off of rocks until we put in near snake island where beer was consumed.  Our next stop was through gator alley into the blue lagoon of spider island.  We hung a hash flag  upon the highest tree or at least the one Chicken Fried could climb without killing himself.  Our next beer stop was at the last set of falls which were really fun.  Our final beer stop, where we found out we were out of beer, was at the mouth of one of the springs that empties into the river.  The last bit was open water and a lot of paddling.  Buy good paddles, take puppycake's word for that.  Many a time the end had to be fetched as the paddle was prone to crapping out.  Can you say lost property?  Just about everyone hurt themselves as the rocks were slippery and we are not as graceful as our beer soaked minds might have thought.  Pixel Dick piloted his one man raft, Puppycakes and Baglady were in tubes.  The Half Blood Prick was on an air bed and had the nicest ride of all.  Bozo where art thou had a tube to himself.  Put a little mouth on my south had a floating chair.  Hershey and Spuds were on the floating douche party platform.  Dirt Diggler was on a flat tube.  The hares shared a boat.  No one died but the we had some falls and spills.  The cops were alerted when Hershey Highway and Dirt Diggler crawled out early and startled some poor home owners as Dirt was described as a "crazy man".  The on after was at the Teresa's Restaurant on Boy Scout Road where Lost Circle Jerk and Udderly Delicious joined in.  The service there was extremely shoddy and warrants reconsideration for our next on after.
389		Greenal Seepage and High & Tight started us from the farthest reaches of Columbia County out on Riverside Park off of Hardy McManus road.  This was a first time location for the hash and we now know why as we were teased with some early shiggy and then abused with the long miles of asphalt they through flour upon.  Our first beer stop found us following the rail to a piece of shoggy ground where even beaver couldn't survive.  We were cheered up with a mini keg of Heineken which shows that not all beer stops have to be natty or the beast.  Our second beer stop was a tour of a few housing areas and a challenge to walk what seemed to be the length of Hardy McManus Road.  Trail eventually took us back to the railroad tracks but it was in use by a train so some went the long way around and made the beer stop more thirsty than some.  This stop saw us drinking more foreign beer from a small keg.  Once again, proof that we needed suffer from the beast.  Oh if Papst only came in a mini keg.....  We aren't really sure who came in first or last.  The virgins were told they had to race to the finish and the sadness of competitive running blocked the event from our minds.  No Name Tony in an effort to get to the second beer stop, managed to scrape the outer layer of skin off his body in what appeared to be, more competitive running.  We did manage to name No Name Wendy.  She had earlier walked over a small bridge, and having looked down in the water, saw her reflection.  She shall now be known in hashes far and wide as "bloated beaver".  The on after was at the pizza joint.
388		Those hashers who stayed behind and didn't get stuck in a ditch, broke down on the side of the road or picked up for speeding on the way to shooting the hooch, held an impromptu hash on Saturday to "shoot the Savannah".  The hashers gathered and got rained out, went to a restaurant and got some beer and tried again and got rained out.  The hash then moved to Sunday which was beer worthy and not rainy.  We gathered at Eisenhower Park and then moved to the water works.  We took our floaty things about a half mile down the canal and were able to pop in to the river.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Queen La Queefa led us through the rapids to snake island (so named as our beer stop rock was home to two snakes).  We watched snorkelers and otters swimming around us but they had no beer.  We managed to relax and down some beers as the river took us on towards Savannah.  We managed to find the drop off where the Savannah drops about a foot and did its best to dump us in the river.  Many a rock brushed our asses as we cruised over, past, and into them.  We next stopped at spider island (only inhabitant was spiders) and had a beer stop in the little blue lagoon it offered.  We claimed the island for the hash and will return to put our flag up some day.  We managed to hit the beach where we planned and walked the bare minimum back to the vehicles.  No award winners as the hash was totally in the water.  We could have used the hash shit for an anchor though.  Puppycakes was a tener with 370 runs.  In attendance were Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Queen La Queefa, Baglady, Puppycakes, and Hershey Highway.
387		Dead Peter Beater returned with her haring henchman Pixel Dick and they led us on a trail thick with danger.  We started at the Evans Pizza Joint and made several crossings of Washington and Belair roads.  True to Peter Beater form we ended up near an abandoned something.  This time a school.  Colonel Broke Back was their lackey as he hauled beer back and forth between the beer stops, once nearly getting stuck as his breaks worked better than his tires.  A bit of smoke even without the positraction.  We had plenty of virgins to sacrifice after our 4th beer stop.  The A to A turned into an A to B as we found ourselves isolated from humanity and in a suitable, albeit muddy, place for virgin sacrifices at the 4th stop.  Trail at this point grew treacherous and quite a few hashers were going for the red mud look as a summer fashion.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was a returner and a ten-er with 180 runs but neglected to make it out of the 3rd beer stop as it was in the Pizza Joint and he and Queen La Queefa were craving oral pleasures satisfied by food.  Hershey Highway (no Dirt Diggler) was a ten-er with 50 runs and Puppycakes was a 69-er with 369.  Greenal Seepage was the FRB, High & Tight was the Bridesmaid, and Barnacle Bill the Failure was DFL.  Barnacle Bill and his virgin showed up at beer stop four as they must have smelled beer.  The trail of course sucked and the hares were of course caught.  We had two namings as we got rid of our no-name-Kevins.  Fecal Handlers No Name Kevin is now and forever known as the "Foreskin King".  High & Tight's No Name Kevin is now known to hashers far and wide as "Greenal Seepage".  The on after was held at the Pizza Joint where many a pizza was hunted, killed, and cooked.
386		Pixel was the hare and the colonel was the beer wench.  We started from the back yard of post 192 (American Legion) in Evans.  It is an excellent starting point as we could drink without condemnation from authorities.  Proper Prior Permission was Procured to Prevent a Piss Poor Performance.  Pixel led a brave band through a solid mile (guess) of creek.  We got in the creek and we didn't get out until the first beer stop which was a long long long ways off from the beginning.  There was a single beer  in a decision point to offer some relief but Argh pounced on it and it was no more.  The creek was filled with the typical inhabitants, killer minnows, garbage, raw sewage, and water moccasins.  Puppy cakes took time out from the arduous trail to bean a water moccasin and knock it out of a tree.  Rock 1, snake 0.  Stinky Pinky blew a pair of shoes in the creek and covered the rest of the trail which was hot asphalt, bare foot.  The second beer stop was in a recently abandoned house (no graffiti).  The clever beer wench parked the beer stop vehicle in the garage of the abandoned house to be more sneaky.  The third beer stop was behind the new target shopping center where no name Ashley repeatedly dropped the hare's drawers causing bile to rise in the throats of all who witnessed it.  The local Gestapo was also called as folks were worried about the strange white powder on the ground.  The hare was snared by the police who let him go as he was wet and muddy and would have screwed up their clean car.  The police then greeted the hounds and wished them safe passage as the powder that was suspected to be fertilizer(?) was only flour.   At least fertilizer is a new one (cocaine/anthrax). The pack was then led back into the stream where another half mile of ball washing and kooter rinsing could continue.  The pack was reduced in size at this point as half of the pack was zenning or had cut trail earlier.  Argh, Bozo, Baglady, and Puppycakes didn't miss a damn thing......  The hash shit went to Stinky Pinky as she said she was real stinky and deserved it.  FRB was Poop Chute Recruit, Bridesmaid was Stinky Pinky, and I think Argh was DFL.  Stinky Pinky had 50 runs but the circle shut down before she could be so honored.  No Name Stacy was named and will forever be known by hashes near and far as "Bozo, Where Art Thou" (he can draw and he made some clown shoes for the last hash).  We had numerous hashers participate in the down down that were not there for trail.  Leave it to Cleavage, Lost Circle Jerk, Put  A Lil Mouth On My South, and Lost Cuntry wandered in for shits and grins.  The on-after was held at Post 192 where meat was sacrificed to the grill, eaten and then drowned with beer.
385		Fecal Handler and Put a Lil Mouth on My South took a huge group of hashers (29) and subjected us to the sweltering heat of a muggy evening.  We started from behind Squeeky's Tip Top Tavern on Central Avenue.  A good turn out to be sure but a sizable problem when it comes to a pre-positioned beer stop.    There was a bit of forced beer sharing at the beer stops as the suds was limited with so many attending.  Beer stops were at Udderly Delicious's abode, Mouth on My South's home, and at No Name Stacy's domicile.  South had the sprinkler going at the second beer stop and we all got to run through it.  The heat killed any real wet t-shirt value there might have been.  We got a real good appreciation of Wrightsborough Road and Central avenue as we saw plenty of them.  Fecal handler went all out and even wore sneakers for the event.  She ended up winning the hash shit, as the hare, for various reasons dictated by a heat exhausted pack.  No Name Greg was FRB, Argh-Swab Me Dick was Bridesmaid, and Udderly Delicious was DFL.  The hares were snared after the 3rd beer stop as they had it after 9pm and lost their head start privileges once the beer was gone.  High and Tight and No Name Kevin were the culprits and became hares with them.  We had a good pile of virgins (5), and a bunch of returners.  Pixel dick was an award winner with 175 runs as was Spank My Spuds with 75.  The Other White Meat and Udderly Delicious had 40 runs as tenners and Holy Water Douche had 10 also.  There was a shit load of lost property to be paid for.  We also had some namings which were moved to Saturday's hash as we were a large group making plenty of noise, in a residential area, at 10pm.  The on after was at Joe's Underground.
384		Choice of a New Penetration and Colonel Brokeback started us at the Columbia Road KFC and managed to find some shiggy, a lot of dangerous road crossings, a chance to share trail with a train, and a couple opportunities to fall in the mud.  What they couldn't find was enough beer at the beer stops to keep us civil and a way to not get snared.................  The pack had their big red mugs which drained the pitchers faster than normal.  Note to hares (big mugs=more beer).  The hares got snared about 100 yards from the first beer stop.  That is a hell of a way to negate a decent head start.  The first and second beer stops saw a few of the pack buying beer and thus becoming hares in their own right.  The hares drank their share in the circle.   The hash shit stayed with the hares for their fine trail.  The FRB was Chicken Fried Butt Sex and the DFL was Covergirl.  Baglady was a tener with 340 runs.  We started two virgins but only had one at the end.  The hares must have deflowered him during the run.  The circle was very crowded with the no name Kevins and the hares.  On after was at the Dawg House.
383		Chicken Fried Butt Sex took us on a merry chase that taught us one of life's riddles; "why does the hasher cross the road".  Answer:  "Because the hare keeps crossing the damn road".  We went across Washington road a few times, some because of the hare and others because of the trail being just sneaky enough to keep us guessing.  We had a couple of beer stops in cold refreshing bars and then one under a bridge like trolls where Half Blood Prick tried to clean the algae of the rocks with his butt.  Choice of a new Penetration was there to dive for his lost glasses .  Queen LaQueefa was the FRB, Colonel Broke Back was the Hash Shit, PoopChute Recruit was the DFL and someone might have been bridesmaid.  There were a whole bunch of returners like Puppycakes, Baglady, PoopChute Recruit, Stinky Pinky, No Name Kevin, and No Name Albert.  High & Tight from the Columbia hash brought a couple of hashers with him including a virgin which he shared with the pack.  The on after was at the Teresa's on Boy Scout Road which is also where we started from.  The smell of their garbage on a hot 100 degree day is well worth the visit.  What beer didn't curdle from the smell was drank with glee.
382		Hare's Account: It started out to be a nice hot saturday morning, being hared by chicken fried butt sex and the queen. The run started out about 11:30 with a nice jog down the canal, graced with a few decision points and bad trails. Making their way through it , the hashers were hit with a check back that took them over the edge and down to the Savannah River. It was water from here on out. It was great if you had a floational device( warned to bring one), kinda hard if you had to swim. The hashers made it through rocks and rapids to the outskirts of an island where the 1st stop was. It was on the rocks by the water shaded by trees on the island. the first one there was no name Stacy. He was there for a few minutes before he noticed the hares chilling in the water behind him. If it was an alligator, he would have been breakfast. The next trail went off down the rocks beside the island and then went up through the briers and bamboo(looked like where in Asia somewhere) to the other side of the island and back into the water. Floating down about 20 yards the trail turn back into the island. There was a trial that led them to the point of the island. Confused by several groups of people on the rocks down stream, the hashers tried to figure out who was who. They finally figured it out as the hares flashed them from a rock about 75 yards down stream. It was a race for beer as everyone hit the water swimming to the second beer stop. It was a cool place as the savannah river surrounded everyone. The third beer stop was easy, just float another 100 yards down stream. Though it had many fast flowing rapids and unseen rocks which tagged many shins. Those bruises and scraps are evident many days afterwards. The third beer stop again was in the middle of the Savannah River. The last trail led everyone back to the end at 2:45. Everyone celebrated with a great trail, but of course it suxs. FRB- no name Stacy, Brides maid Udderly Delicious and DFL Wife Saver-AKA- mouth and the hash shit award went to the late showing Pen. Other survivors -Fecal Handler, Other white meat, no name kevin,barnacle, hershey highway. On after was at Udderly delicious.. This could be considered the 1st annual Savannah River run---Swim. Hounds Account: River rats rule! Kudos to Queenie and CFBS for an awesome Saturday run at the river...4 hour workout with the female "hashers" taking charge as The Other White Meat, Put a Lil Mouth on My south, Hershey Highway, Fecal handler, and Udderly Delicious (with some help from Barnacle Bill, and two no names) navigated white water wantabes and rocks; uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers along the way....only thing missing was the ________. HaHa! it was invigorating and stimulating and at least 10# was lost by all...if not fat...flesh!!!!! Some of us have hasher legs to prove it! The on-after at Udderlys sparked a weekend of beer drinking, dancing and laughing topped only by The Colonel and Pen passing out on the ground and/or coffee tables at the after hours club.....!!!! hahaahaha.... Colonel bring an extra pair of pants next time! and Pen... u need to invest in Sharpie stock!!!!! All and all a great time was had by all and it only took Udderly all morning Sunday to resurrect her house leaving plenty of time for some fun by the pool! no name Texas energy source (aka I will STILL love you when I'm gone) joined in as did Lost Circle Jerk and Pen. Children kidnapped Lil Mouth, Fecal handler and The Other White Meat for hours....only Lil Mouth, Lost Circle Jerk, Pen re-surfaced and closed the party with a hoedown at Somewhere in Augusta, and a stop-in at Udderlys before the last hasher bit the dust. that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Udderly
381		Hare's Account:   It appeared that everyone had a good time on the run Which started at the Cotten Patch, moved on to the Bell Auditorium and then to the Playground where Choice started violently jumping up and down when music was played. It appeared to be some kind of anchient mating ritual. Did Pixal make all the beer stops? I think not. Thanks to all of you who showed up. I slept better knowing that St. Johns Towers was secure and could not be overrun by a drunken mob. We can't have any excitement here. Can we? You never know when a beer stop will also be a truck stop. Well, do ya? Choice Of A New Penetration did a fine job as RA. as the hare, Can't Talk,  was excused of countless crimes and missed many beers in the ciecle. No FRB, no BM, no DFL Missing trail, Using given names, Dixie,  the list could go on and on. It should be noted that Fecal completed the entire run and seemed to be reasonably sober at the circle. Was I dreaming? On after was at Reineharts with good attendance. Uh, where did Can't talk go?
380		Twas a beautiful night for hashing.  Bloody Stool and Barnacle Bill the Failure led us on long loop around a graveyard making us wish that we brought a gun and beer with us on the first leg of the trail.  The first stop had the pleasant aroma of rotting corpse to tickle our noses as we sipped on Natty and Lite. The second leg of trail was a tricky one.  Late cummer Colonel Brokeback joined us as we passed right by full coolers of beer on trail that led us no where.  Rumor was that a check back was written on the back of a sign that was no where near trail, but no hound was able to confirm it.  Eventually the pack found a true trail mark pointing across a stagnant body of water.  The hares tried to coax the hounds to swim across but they were too smart for that and found a better way across the vile water. We found easy trail (at last) to the third beer stop at the bottom of the falls on Rea's Creek.  Oddly enough Chicken Fried Butt Sex tried to steal Colonel Brokeback's hash name and received wounds and the Hash Shit Award that would remind him of his journey the next day.  Maybe Slippery Rock Back Sex would be a more appropriate name, now. A short run back to the starting point for Dogma and the circle where Fecal Handler showed her virgin, No Name Stacy, and for his first actual run Lost Circle Jerk, how to do a down down.  Award winners were Arrrg, Swab Me Dick the FRB,  Other White Meat the Bridesmaid, Pixel Dick DFL and Queen La Queefa was awarded a golden shower (of beer). Can't Talk Gotta Pee returned and Arrrg was a tenner.  Papsmear somehow skated by without a fat lady down down and Tater Tits drove the getaway car.  Three legged hashers in attendance were: Mount Crapmore, No Baller and Queefa's Poose Poose.
379		Puppycakes and Baglady led the pack on a 3 mile jaunt in and around Blanchard Park.  Trail consisted of stops at two different Mexican restaurants where beer and chips were inspected for suitability for consumption.  There was a bit of the shiggy at the end but all in all it was a wonderful trail mar'ed only by Argh, Swab Me Dick's reloading of the Chug stops.  He became a cohare at that point and all was lost.  Thanks to Barnicle Bill's excellent braking ability, the Half Blood Prick was the FRB, Dead Peter Beater (returner) was Bride's Maid, and the Other White Meat was DFL.  Fecal Handler received the Hash Shit for sending group emails that did not pertain to the hash, sex, or beer.  We had a naming as No name Stan will forever be known as "Lost Circle Jerk".  Seems he always makes it to the circle but misses most runs.  Rumor also was that over the weekend he lost a girl an orgasm that she had her heart set on having.  Heinous crime upon humanity.........  Pixel Dick and Queen LaQueefa each were teners and somehow skated by.  Puppycakes also blatantly wore his new shoes while haring and slipped under the radar.  Blanchard Park had a few folks and their crumb snatchers hanging around and one of them made a call to the cops that there was a group of loud people drinking in the park.  Some people exist just to perplex the hash.  We had our representative of Columbia County show up and there was a rush of drunks to talk to him and become his friend.  Rule of thumb, drunks run and hide and don't talk to cops.  Sober non drinkers talk to cops.  Hashers need to remember to keep the coolers hidden and always drink out of a hash mug.  We received a free refresher course on what not to do so we could be better prepared next time.
378		Barnicle Bill the Failure and Choice of a New Penetration lead us on a merry chase that found us crossing statelines and the 13th street bridge.  Due to haring malfunctions, errant trail was laid and the hares were snared on their way back from the highlander.  The hash shit was allowed to remain with the hares.  FRB was Fecal Handler, Brides maid was Bloody Stool and DFL was PapSmear.  Bloody Stool received his 50th run award and Chicken Fried Butt Sex received his 200th award (4th to reach 200 runs).  Fecal Handler had 30 runs but slipped through the clutches of the RA (Choice of a New Penetration).  Many accusations flew and much beer was consumed.  Trail of course sucked and the hares and those that snared them drank repeatedly.  The on after was held at Joe's Underground.
377		(By Pixel Dick) It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon that brought the hashers to the parking area at the corner of Millege Road and Lake Shore Drive.  Choice of a New Penetration and Pixel Dick led the pack on a challenging trail.  As a special treat for what we hope is Pen's last haring with us, he located the starting point near a mess of rotting fish for a special aroma therapy session. Due to Put a little Mouth on My South's and Udderly Delicious' proclivity to get lost on trail, we sent veteran hasher, Spank My Spud with them as a tour guide.  It did not help.  All of the pack's female contingent got lost and missed the first beer stop and nearly the second.  It only makes you wonder what the male hounds were interested in to let these 3 gorgeous ladies get lost.  Even No Name Kevin was able to find the beer stop even though he missed chalk talk. The all male beer stop was behind the Julian Smith Barbecue Pit on the shore of Lake Olmsted.  For the second beer stop we returned to the starting point for some more aroma therapy.  It seemed to be a good choice as we needed some technology to coax the ladies back to where they should be.  Since the cooler was there we had enough beer to wait for their return.  During the extended beer stop the hares brilliantly decided to extend the third beer stop as well and carried an extra supply of beer to tunnel where Rea's Creek passes under the Augusta Canal.  The entire pack enjoyed the cooling waters and left the mark in a chalk tagging contest on the concrete.  Oddly enough, Chicken Fried Butt Sex wore a fur collar during this event. After the last beer stop is was an all out race to back to the starting point.  The hares barely got back to draw the finish line before the hounds all crossed the finish line in a photo finish.  Unfortunately the hares did not have a camera so all the hound were awarded the honor of being FRB, Bridesmaid and DFL at the same time.  Pixel Dick and Cover Girl were noted to have new shoes on trail.  When one dick drinks, they all drink and one one hare drinks they all drink so Arrrg, Swap me Dick and Penetration joined them in drinking from new shoes that were freshly washed in Rea's Creek.  Pixel Dick beat out a long list of contenders to win the Hash Shit Award even though the losing/locking of keys a week ago is weak reason.  Meat the Beaver came up for air long enough to be a returner and Barnacle Bill the Failure celebrated his 25th run. The On-After was at Athens Restaurant where the group found just what the needed, all the beer they could drink for $9 (and pizza they could eat).  Another half dozen hashers or so joined the group at the On-After.  They were some strong recruiting efforts going on so hopefully we will see some new faces at the Cotton Patch this Wednesday.
376		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Queen La Queefa led us on  a search for shiggy, ticks, and other asorted bugs, flora, and fawna.  We started from the far end of Eisenhower park and proceeded across the canal as the hash is want to do.  Typical Chicken Fried Butt Sex, laying a trail on one side of the road good and the one we see which is on the near side of the road, bad.  We worked hard for the sweet beer as the shiggy was abundant and wet like piss from yesterday's rain.  The ticks eagerly awaited rides home with the hashers as we invaded the sanctity of their habitat.  Choice of a New Penetration acted as RA and GM.  That is probably how Bloody Stool escaped without being noticed for his 50th run.  Tater Tits and the small stool were there at the beginning and end.  Fecal Handler was the FRB, sandals and all; Covergirl was bridesmaid; PapSmear was DFL; Argh, Swab Me Dick was the hash shit for riding his moped and wearing girl Harley clothes.  The local Tokyo Drift club (kids driving small cars on dad's dime) invaded the parking lot and were soon to draw cops.  We did manage to name no name Anthony before we swooped.  He will now and forever be known as "Covergirl".  Seems he likes makeup..........  Also in attendance but not getting any mention thus far:  Udderly Delicious, Barnicle Bill the Failure, Puppycakes, The Half Blood Prick, The on after was at Tereasa's on BoyScout Road (home of the big deck).
375		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Pap Smear led a hash from the Keg Creek Parking lot on the road to Clark's Hill.  Trail was full of shiggy and there was a famine somewhere in the world as the hare was only putting enough flour on the ground to support the ant's habit.  Trail weaved and dodged through the various ravines and spider webs until we found ourselves on the shore where we had to swim out to the middle of the creek to have a beer stop in Pap Smear's boat.  Rumor is that some urinated in the water during the trip to the boat.  We had another beer stop that was even farther from shore and once again rumor has it that some urinated in the water on the way.  Since the water was probably filled with piss, we journeyed back to the starting point via boat and had the down down.  Puppycakes had to do a down down to show the virgins who belonged to the hares who were performing RA duties which meant there was no justice in the world.  Puppycakes was also a tener from the pub crawl with 360 runs.  Hershey Highway was a returner that had missed 30 some runs so she drank a mini down down everytime someone else did a down down.  The hares did most of the down downs as trail did in fact suck.  Pixel Dick was FRB for zenning through the water and missing the last quarter mile of trail on land., No Name Kevin was Bride's maid and Baglady was DFL.  We had two virgins and the hares received the hash shit for their efforts.  After the down down we cooked hotdogs on the shore, floated in the water, drank beer, swam, snorkeled, Pixel Lost his keys, swam, played keep away, and then some even went boating/tubing.  Most received a sun burn for participating.  A hearty "too bad" to those that missed..............
374		Hardly Ever Comes lead a band of hashers on a pub crawl to celebrate our 6th birthday.  We hit 3 bars and then on the 4th bar, Hardly Ever Comes had the most sugar filled cake you could ever consume.  We of course had more than we could consume so we took it to our 5th bar (playground) and offered it to the masses.  Baglady made some hash mementos to celebrate the occasion.  Even Butt Flap came out of hiding and made a bar stop with us.  In attendance were Baglady, Puppycakes, Pixel Dick, Put a Little Mouth on My South, Hardly Ever Comes, No Name Kevin, Butt Flap, Spank My Spuds, Udderly Delicious, Show Me Your Dick, Barnacle Bill the Failure, Leave It To Cleavage.
373		It was the perfect night for a perfect trail but alas once again, trail SUCKED.  Puppycakes and Baglady hared a beer ladened trail where everyone of the hashers were encouraged to wear a wig of some sort to celebrate our 6 anniversary as a hash.  There were some very interesting wigs, some needed a black light to bring out the true neon colors.  The hash started with a round of Father Abraham which tired both the hares and the hounds.  All trail was declared true and we ran a bad trail free hash.  Overlooking the 30 hash back track and a few strategicly placed naught checks (courtesy of PapSmear) finding beer seemed to be second nature to the hounds.  Bloody Stool and Tater Tits brought their newest achievement by at the beginning of the run.  They decided to spend time with their crumb snatcher and let the hash go on without them.  We had Highballer, GM of the Nipples Florida Hash hash with us.  Slappy in Charlotte recommended us as a nice diversion.  My Beer Goes Both Ways stopped the hares and said he was sorry for not making it to the hash.  He also introduced his future virgin.  At the circle, we sang ourselves a birthday song and dined on cupcakes. PapSmear was the FRB, Show Me Your Dick was Bridesmaid, and Put a Little Mouth on My South was DFL.  Choice of a New Penetration received the hash shit for activities from a previous hash gathering.  No name Johnathon will now and forever be known as "Arrgh, Swab Me Dick".  Hardly Ever Comes drank with the hares as his zenning brought him to a beer stop late and he could have snared the hares as they left for the next beer stop.  We swung low and on-aftered at the Renaisance Bar.  Lots of recruiting took place as we always have folks that get a kick out of the theme runs.
372		PapSmear and Chicken Fried Butt Sex took the hash on a remaking of the the cult classic, Swamp Thing.  We ran a few nice paved roads as we left the Grovetown Bargain Center and then we entered the shiggy, never to be seen again (small lie). It was a blood run of some magnitude as every hasher fell prey to the deadly thorns, vines, and holly leaves that raked the skin from your bones.  Luckily there was just enough beer to restore lost fluids.  When trail wasn't ripping the flesh from your body, the ooze on the ground was sucking your shoes off.  Poor Fecal Handler almost lost her pants on several occasions due to trail hazards.  At one point hashers had to cross a raging torrent of swamp ooze by tight-roping across the thinnest of logs, half eaten by termites and decay.  There was also an occasion to follow a good half mile of rail road tracks as this was the 3rd trail in a row to venture onto some form of railway.  The end point found the hashers climbing a ladder to scale PapSmears back fence.  FRB was Bloody Stool, Put a Little Mouth on my South was Bridesmaid, and Fecal Handler was DFL.  No Name James was named and will now and forever be known as "Colonel Broke Back".  There were numerous returners (4) and trail of course sucked.  Chalk talk specified that true trail was any trail with 3 or more marks and several of the bad trails had 4 marks and a bad trail marker.  The hash shit did not appear so it could not be awarded.  On after was at PapSmear's home where he melted some hotdogs on the grill .
371		Puppycakes and Baglady laid  a trail that covered most of the highlights of Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Barnacle Bill the Failure's Saturday hash.  There was two bridges, two states, railroad tracks, an abandoned building, shiggy, a fountain, and the same homeless guy walking across the bridge on both runs.  The differences were that this run lacked hills and instead ran stairs, lacked a golf course and instead had weather beaten porn at the abandoned building, lacked the beating down sun and instead had air conditioned bars, instead of covering 6 miles it was only 2.  Pixel Dick was the FRB and served as RA.  Queen La Queefa's Poose Poose was the Bride's Maid.  Hardly Ever Comes was the DFL.  Barnacle Bill the Failure was the hash shit yet again for failing to run with his award.  We had a visitor from the Minneapolis H3 in Professorlactic.  We had some returners in Holy Water Doosh, Show me Your Dick, Spank My Spuds, Hardly Ever Comes, and Helowcockedher.  Rumor was that trail sucked but it was probably only a rumor.  On after was at the Teresa's on Boy Scout Road where we were joined by at least 7 more hashers that didn't make the run.
370		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Barnacle Bill the Failure led a naive and innocent pack of hounds on a death run that took us from SC to GA to SC.  We had to cross 4 bridges, 2 weren't made for cars.  We had to walk along miles of railroad tracks, sometimes hitching a ride on the hundreds of flatbed cars rusting in place to find the precious nectar the hares kept from us.  The shiggy was thick and full of blood sucking thorns.  But the worst part, even worse than Udderly Delicious and Put a little mouth on my south missing a decision point and going to Branham (SP?)SC, was not blowing our whistles while we hashed by the golf course.  We were by the train tracks, we could have went wooo wooo but no, the hares made it a no blow area out of deference to the golfers in their colorful plaids and pastel colors.  The highlight of the hash was watching Udderly Delicious and Put a Little Mouth on My South battle it out for DFL.  The FRB was No Name Shari, DFL was Put a Little Mouth on My South, and the bridesmaid was Java Spooge.  Java Spooge and Udderly Delicious were returners, Barnacle Bill the Failure was a tener with 20 but he escaped detection.  He did however keep the hash shit for not bringing it to the hash.  No Name Shari was a visitor and may hash with us more.  The female hashers numbered 7 and the males numbered 5 so the men serviced the females by drinking in the circle.  Pixel Dick and Tater Tits were at the beginning and the end but were unable to run.  Puppycakes was acting RA and was thwarted in his attempt to sing all 8 verses of the bagpipe song as the angry mob could only hang for 6.  The run albeit interesting at times,Seemed UnCommonly Kind and Even Delightful.
369		Pap Smear and Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us deep into the shiggy from the Grovetown Bargain Center.  They found a way to make most of the trail go up hill but never managed to take us down hill.  This of course made the trail suck a wee bit.  The shiggy was thick, the hills steep and the beer stops only had enough budweiser for the hares as the hounds were doing the Natty.  The trail took us on previously unhashed terrain which was nice except it of course sucked.  Trail was of course very long and overly scenic.  Stinky Pinky managed to do it all in flip flops.  We almost named one of the virgins but couldn't agree on the details.  Barnacle Bill the Failure kept his beloved hash shit which he managed to leave at home anyway.  Baglady was a tener with 330 runs, Freeballer was a returner, we all drank a toast to 69 for the 369th run.  Plenty of accusations of bad trail but the RA (choice of a new penetration) forgot to make the hares drink.  Control was lost and we swung low.  Pap Smear lit his grill and servered up chow.  Good trail, good food, and a wee bit of drama.
368		Bloody Stool and Barnacle Bill the Failure led us on a test of endurance.  Our first test of endurance was waiting to drink our first beers as the cop was parked oh so very close to us.  We started from the dirt parking lot by the Waterworks, between the river and the canal.  Obviously John Law had nothing better to do than to keep our habits in check.  The second bit of endurance was the many bad trails on our way to a beer stop that was in spitting distance of our starting point.  Luckily the hares gave us a bad trail which if you went through it put you on another bad trail that cut the run in half.  The second part of trail was a bit of a death run as the beer near was separated from the beer here the same way San Diego is separated from Chicago.  The third beer stop was on the shore of the river which the dogs appreciated as they washed their genitalia.  Once we cleared beer stop three you only had to put your left foot in front of your right about 3,000,000 times before it was all over.  Memorable events on the run:  Dog friendly but the dogs weren't going to be buddies no matter how the run liked them;  No Name Precious tumbling down a hill proving that dogs do not land on their feet like cats;  Girls out numbered the boys and forgot our traditions so the men didn't drink;  Puppycakes losing his camera and having to enjoy a wee bit of deja vu trail before he found it again; Put a little mouth on my south getting her long lost bell glass back; Dead Peter Beater heading off to points unknown like she was Can't Talk Gotta Pee; Fisted Sister laying down the hash shit award and expecting no one to hide it; Pixel Dick having to let the ladies pass him on trail as they were mall walking and the pace put undo pressure on him; No Name Roberta, Queefa's Poose Poose, and Queen La Queefa doing a three way for FRB; Fisted Sister coming in second and still being bridesmaid; Pixel Dick coming in as the DFL; The hares doing a drink off to see who was the hash shit and due to Barnacle spilling all his beer on Bloody Stool, he was declared the loser and new owner of the hash shit; No Name Tanner was named Queefa's Poose Poose and No Name Cisco was named No-Baller; Dead Peter Beater was the sole returner and got her 125th run award (the last to be given out as 125th awards are being retired); No Name Precious was the only virgin which made her so happy she shit herself on the way home, and then got a bath just like her dog carrier did, ooh ooh that smell........
367		Chicken Fried Butt Sex lead us on a shiggy filled trip through the wet woods as it started to piss on the hounds as they followed trail.  Trail began at the Wheeler Tavern parking lot and eventually ended there some 4 beer stops later.  There were briars, cactus, thorns, ants, and other obstacles keeping the beer and the hounds separated.  The hare had back checks, bad trails, and parallel trails all in an effort to keep the hounds from their beer.  The FRB was Bloody Stool, Bridesmaid was Choice of a New Penetration, and DFL was PapSmear.  The acting RA, Poop Chute Recruit received the hash shit for his missing the last beer stop and allowing rain to hamper our run.  The RA also proved that power can corrupt.  The sole returner was Fisted Sister back from the sand pit.  There is a hash party in his honor at Pixel Dick's house complete with keg on Saturday evening.  Quite a few of the no names got lost on trail.  No name Stan was wandering around in the woods lost before his sponsor rescued him.  Some missed all the beer stops but luckily they had a bar nearby to help them survive.
NA		Leave it To Cleavage led us on a Cinco De Mayo  pub crawl where we paid tribute to beer and the drinking of beer.  It seemed a bit like exercise as we bounced from end to end of Broad Street but it was for a good cause as you know the beer won't drink itself, it needs our help.  In attendance were Pixel Dick, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Prairie Ho, Yeastie Boy, Puppy Cakes, Baglady, Hardly Ever Comes, Holy Water Doosh, Leave it to Cleavage, No Name James, No Name Johnathon, Put a Little Mouth on My South, Choice of a New Penetration, Juicer, Pap Smear, Helocockedher, Spank My Spuds, Barnacle Bill the Failure, Show Me Your Dick, and invited guests.
366		Bloody Stool, Mount Crapmore, and No Name Cisco laid a scenic trail through the lush swamp of the rock quarry area that borders the canal.  The area the hare chose was virgin territory and showed a general lack of human contact.  One true trail, supposedly prelaid by Mount crapmore (dog) never had more than a faint rut as it pretended to be a road and was actually a snake farm waiting for the unwary hasher to wonder through in the dark.  Luckily it was only about a half mile long and lugging a bag full of beer cans provided a sound barrier the snakes chose not to invade.   Most were lucky enough to find the other true trail that lacked the 3 foot grass.  There was many a scenic lookup for us to climb to or off of where we were afforded a beautiful view of a putrid and stagnant swamp or a multicolored blemish on the earth where a few million tons of dirt once dwelled.  We got to cross raging rapids on rickety planks carelessly strewn across the vast gorges that Reed creek carved on its way to the ocean.  The poison ivy was in full bloom and the mosquitoes were a constant reminder of the fact that this would be another in a long line of runs that sucked.   A couple of the hairs planted shit on trail for us to find and seemed indifferent to the potential danger.  There was a major problem when Papsmear broke his mostest favorite hash mug and then due to the treacherous trail lost the handle into the belly of the forest or into the bowels of the raging rapids.  We had two virgins who for some reason decided to suck beer from a plunger.  FRB was Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Bride's Maid was Pixel Dick, and DFL was PapSmear.  Barnicle Bill the Failure was the Hash Shit award winner for forgetting he no longer hashes in Korea.  Tenners were Chicken Fried Butt Sex with 190 runs, Choice of a New Penetration with 40 runs, Put a Little Mouth on My South with 30, PapSmear with 20, and Juicer with 10.  The Half Blood Prick also hit the magic 25 run mark.  Puppycakes and Baglady were tossed in the circle for arriving after hares away.
365		By Pixel Dick:Points of note that I recall from the run: Someone volunteered to be Hash Historian for the run. Barnicle Bill sucked as RA as it rained the whole hash. 4 tenners The hare used to work in Chicago, a run we were promised, a pub crawl we got. 2 virgins -  the plungers returned 1 new visitor, Dancing Queen, he threatened to return regularly for the next few months 3 of Spuds virgins were named No Name Wanda - Kat Snatch Beaver No Name Cliff - Poppacocksy No Name Mike - Helocockedher Queen La Queefa will RA this Wednesday
364		By Pixel Dick: I'm thankful that I showed up late,at the last beer stop, The Playground, as the last leg of the trail sucked.  I can only image what the first part was like.  Fecal Handler was awarded the Hash Shit award from being too drunk to hash last week.  She barely made it under the limit this week and there were reports of her abandoment at the on-after.  Meet the Beaver missed a tenner down-down due to his inability to find his name on an alphabetical list and figure out how many runs he had.  Choice of a New Penetration made his debut as RA this week.  Many in the circle forgot it is a near capital crime to wear headgear in the cirle and were allowed to try their down-downs again.  FRB - Meet the Beaver, Bridesmaid - Hermaphotitty,  DFL - Half Blood Prick.  It was all he could do to control the circle as private parties were abundant and even after several of them were penalized with down-downs the circle still did not get it so we prematurely swang low.  Therefore, there was no annoucement that next week's trail is at the Cotton Patch being hared by Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  The on-after was a Joes Underground as was the 2nd (to last) beer stop.  Did I mention that Pen hared a shitty trail? Barnicle Bill is going to Fail as RA next week
363		We had an adult Easter hash where we ran a trail through the woods and found the occasional Easter egg loaded with a jello shot.  These were not jello shots for the timid as they were the product of a half gallon of Vodka.  They were jello in name only.  There were also some interesting outfits.  We can be glad that Dead Peter Beater had on a swimsuit under hers and wish that Choice of a New Penetration would of had a swim suit under his.  The circle formed with chairs as the hounds were tired from Easter egg hunting.  The hares kept some bad books and failed to figure out the award winners and drank accordingly.  69 run dog tags were given out to the runners who have achieved 69 runs with the PFH3.  This is in lieu of the old practice of giving out a flashlight.  Choice didn't bring the hash shit and enjoyed a beer on its behalf.  Much head gear in the circle and the hares drank quite a bit.  The on after was at MiRanchos
362		We started at Eisenhower park and Dead Peter Beater and Show Me Your Dick did their best to make sure it was a sucky trail like we are used to.  Fecal Handler blew out first one then both of her sandals in the effort for beer.  Luckily she was drinking and the period of mourning was reduced.  No Name James even thought she was light to carry for the first hundred yards.  Our first beer stop was a pack splitter as half the pack waded into the cold Savannah and the part with long pants stayed on the banks to listen to the sound of beer drinking that was coming from the water.  Our next stop required us to cross trail as we wandered past the Water Works where Lost Cuntry was heard to ask the workers, "did you see a couple women come by?  An oriental and a stripper?"  Since both women were covered in flour, the onlookers were none the wiser.  Lost Cuntry is now the visiting hasher leader with 7 runs with us.   No other hasher has visited and hashed with us as often.  He is our most dependable stray, whoever is feeding him, stop.............. We ended up in a pile of rocks that resembled what stonehenge would look like if the hash built it.  Our third beerstop had us climbing up the underside of the riverwatch bridge and wandering down towards the ball fields.  Somewhere in there Choice of a New Penetration snared the hares.  We had a bunch of returners who failed to attend the 3 hash weekend.  No virgins this go round.  We had some teners as Show Me Your Dick and Meet the Beaver each had 10 runs.  Put a Little Mouth on My South  got her 25th run foot.    Hardly Ever Comes  became only the 3rd 200 run hasher and Puppycakes broke into the 350 run territory.  The hares weren't sure of the award winners so they drank for everyone.  Pixel with his money taking skills was their willing cohare.  We gave the hash shit to Freeballer for lighting himself on wire after a hash event.  Lovely bandaging job by the way.  We ended up giving the hashshit later to Choice of a New Penetration for in his haste to fill the award with cement, he left off the boob that lives on the end of it.  Was it mentioned that the run sucked?
361		Another hash and yet another run that sucked, who knew....  This was a hangover hash and for most, that is exactly what it was.  Bloody Mary's and breakfast burritos were served at the start.  Mo Ho, IdaHo, Little Red Rubbing Hood, and Queen LaQueefa were at the beginning but left for the Masters.  Sweaty men with 100 dollar cologne lured them away from the Beast and PBR that the hash provides.  Dead Peter Beater was the FRB, Poop Chute Recruit was the Bridesmaid, and the rest of the pack was declared DFL.  Trail sucked as we had to circle the hares house which caused us to go thru some serious shiggy.  There was a pay the hare stop which was cleverly disguised as a beer here.  The rest of the trail had the pack carrying the hash cooler to the end point which was equally as far as the first beer stop.  All in all we seemed to make a complete circle around the hares house.  A shorter trail would have bee nicer.  The on after was at the Monterey's on Washington Rd. where the hashers fought over sunlight and created gobs of new hash names.  Woe to the next one named..........
360		The 4th Anal Green Jacket Run is in the books.  We had 3 out of towners and a couple hashers that live in town but had never ran with us before show up.  End result, we had 25-2 legged hashers and 1-4 legged hasher plus we had a beer stop at Tit-tanic's home and Dirt Diggler and Hershey Highway made it to the first on-after and Chicken Fried Butt Sex made it to the second on after.  All told, if you count everyone, it looks like we had 29-2 legged hashers and 3-4 legged hashers involved in our very wet and rainy hashing event.  It was our bad luck to be hashing at the same time the sissy golf crowd was leaving the called off Master's.  It was dry enough to drink so it was definitely dry enough to golf.  Trail of course sucked and the hares got snared and they by-passed free pizza on their way to leading us around in the rain.  The FRB was Little Red Rubbing Hood, Bridesmaid was I Da Ho, and Poop Chute Recruit was DFL.  Poop Chute Recruit was also reawarded the Hash shit for his leaving it in a bar the night he was awarded it last time.  Numerous drank for being teners and for being returners.  Plenty of singing and drinking and the beers were completely decimated.  The on after was at Mi Rancho's and the second on after was at "the finish line".
359		Pixel lead us on a Friday night pub crawl starting at 7pm at the Playground.  It was Master's Week and First Friday so the downtown was hopping.  Bad environment to be both an alcoholic and claustrophobic as things were tight in the bars.  The beer was flowing and hashers were treating other hashers to strange show and tell episodes.  Choice of a New Penetration and Show Me Your Dick were quite the show persons at times.  Lots of golf fans uglying up the area.
358		Puppycakes and Baglady lead a large group (20 hashers and 3 4-legged hashers) on a romp through the weeds around the Highlander.  In honor of Masters, the trail was a par 3 course; 9 beer stops of 3 beers or pitchers each.  Par threes are short so we were back in the clubhouse in time to do some drinking.  There was some shiggy and there was some hills so all in all it was a perfect trail until the pack was queried and then it sucked.  Choice of a new penetration played through (blew through the beer stops) and was the FRB.  Dead Peter Beater was the Brides Maid and Half Blood Prick was DFL.  We had plenty of returners (about 6) thanks to Saturday's run.  Bloody Stool was a tener (40) as was Fecal Handerler (20) and Half Blood Prick (20).  Leave it to Cleavage received her 25 run award.  After about a year of hanging around 5 runs, no name Tiffany finally was named.  She shall now be known as "Hermaphrotitty".  Expect to see small blinking cups at the next few runs as the hashers were collecting them at the Highlander.
357		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us on probably the best April Fool's Day hash ever.  We started at Chicken Fried Butt Sex's abode and worked our way through virgin housing areas.  Long lost hasher Salty Jugs went by but failed to stop.  We had our beer stops in very scenic areas next to beautiful ponds.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex made sure that the snakes were conveniently relocated prior to the packs arrival.  The skilled pack was able to navigate the forest following a trail which consisted of only chalk marked X's on trees, rocks and roadway.  The run was so good that the awards were shared and everyone drank to celebrate the fine run that we experienced.  Super important hasher knowledge was shared that could possibly save a hasher from an embarrassing hash in Thailand, Singapore, or San Francisco.  The hashers present now possess the uncanny ability to spot imposters and posers.  You had to be there to know.  The on after was at Mi Ranchos where the hashers talked trash, sweared, and were admired by the other diners.
356		Dead Peter Beater and Freeballer led a merry band of degenerates through the woods surrounding Blanchard Park.  We started with ominous undertones as the hares mentioned only having enough beer for the first 10 runners.  Luckily no one really ran and the beer was able to last.  Trail sucked and the suction brought the police as they were simultaneously looking for someone of interest in the same woods we were running around in.  The cops recognized Poop Chute Recruit  and that earned him the hash shit award.  Baglady was a tener with 320 runs and Choice of a New Penetration had 30 and received the coveted 30 run beer opener.  Lost Cuntry visited us once again and no name Georgia showed up after some absence.  The Army saw fit to send us back Meet the Beaver so we got to see some old faces.  No name Michelle was named and shall forever be known as "show me your dick". There were some no blows and award winners but Poop Chute Recruit aired out his chute and blew away the memory I needed to recall those lucky few.
355		Barnacle Bill the Failure and Freeballer took us on a trip from the parking lot of the Washington Road Kroegers.  Choice of a New Penetration was slated to hare but he chose work and money over his hashing buddies.  The trail had a moon stop where we had to moon the person behind you.  Talk about sharing.....  There was absolutely no beast or natty on trail so the run was bearable even though it did suck.  Trail was marred by a couple of events.  The hashers were floored with Dead Peter Beater's declaration that she had to work.  Puppycakes attempted to carve the event in a tree for posterity.  The event was worthy of a t-shirt....  We had an almost beer stop in Hooters but between poor service and our still holding a grudge over them double charging us for beer 4 years ago, we passed and proceeded to the end.  Baglady left her mug in Hooters and since they have not called to tell us they have it, the grudge is renewed.  Freeballer and Put a little mouth on my south were tenners with 50 and 20.  Baglady got the hash shit award for her pouring out of a beer in the bathroom of Robbies.  Dead Peter Beater was FRB, Puppycakes was DFL and Put a little Mouth on my South was Bridesmaid.  The run sucked and there was plenty of opportunity for drinking for lost property.  One of the hares left or lost his keys at the second beer stop and the pack was generous enough to give them back at a price.  Also in attendance were Pap-Smear and Juicer and Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  The On-After was at Barnacle Bill the Failure's for those that could make it.
354		Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater started from the Evans Pizza Joint and took us on what started to be a boring run along the roadside.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was in the lead and when he bee-lined into the weeds to do his thing, the pack followed thinking he was on trail.  We did finally veer off into the shiggy for a beer stop by a well that seemed to only pump natty and papst.  Another stop was made in the neighborhood mexican restaurant where salsa brightened our mood.  The next beer stop was in the most fecal infested piece of real estate in all of Columbia County as we found what had to be the only shit hole that had escaped the wrath of the bull dozers.  We were torn by thorns, up to our crotches in mud and ooze, splashing through sewage, falling down steep mud slopes, smacked in the face by branches, tripped over loose rocks, blocked by fences, and blinded by each other's lights.  This part didn't suck until we got to the semi warm natty that was at our beer stop.  We finished up with a beer stop at the pizza joint which also served as our on after where a few hash songs were sung for the enjoyment of the masses.  Baglady was the FRB and Dead Peter Beater got the hash shit.  There was lost property and accusations galore.  We had no teners or returners but we did have a virgin to sacrifice.  In attendance were Pixel Dick, Dead Peter Beater, Hardly Ever Comes, Baglady, Puppycakes, Freeballer, No Name Michelle, Barnacle Bill the Failure, Can't Talk Gotta Pee, Dances with Balls, Bone Diggler, Put a little Mouth on My South, Half Blood Prick, Choice of a new Penetration, No Name Murphy,
353		Choice of a New Penetration and his mobile co-hares: Put a little mouth on my south and the half blood prick started from the Harley dealership and took us on a treacherous trail which involved lots of woods before we ever found the sweet nectar we so deserved.  It was an interesting trail but had a snag as we ran the first 8/10's of a mile in a straight line to a check back 5 which really was a check back7 which should have been a run through the check point as a mere 400 yards further up is where we popped out of the woods from our beer stop.  The real problem is the 9 miles of scrub pine we waded through on our way to the point 400 yards up the road.  The hares were a bit worried about us and the mobile hares started blowing the horn to help us find our way through the woods as the hare was running out of flour and we were running out of trail.  The honking was not mentioned in the chalk talk and was key in winning the hash shit award for "the half blood prick".  For our second beer stop we ended up at Indigo Joes where there was a pleasant fire and some beer and nachos.  While the hare lead trail to the obvious ending (his house), the wise hounds did the vehicle run and covered the last 3/4 mile more comfortably by car.  The two hashers which did run trail:  Pap Smear (sent his boy Juicer for the car) was DFL; Can't Talk Gotta Pee (presumably in the bathroom when we all left) was Bridesmaid and FRB.  Pixel Dick was a tener with 150 runs.  Dead Peter Beater had to drink to collect lost property which was actually Freeballer's and Choice of a New Penetration and Pixel Dick had to drink over accusations and ax issues.  The circle had a wonderful bon fire but the run still sucked.  Also in attendance, but receiving no circle invitation, were Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Baglady, Puppycakes, Spank My Spuds, No Name Mike, No Name Michelle, Barnacle Bill the Failure, Portapussy and Freeballer.
352		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led a Hawaiian theme run from the Cotton Patch area of downtown Augusta.  Trail sucked to be sure as he tried to trick the hounds.  Poop Chute Recruit got tricked out of a beer stop so it must have been effective.  There were plenty of returners as Juicer, Portapussy, Hardly Ever Comes, Queen Laqueefa, Bone Diggler, Dances with Balls, Queefa Sniffer had all been missing for some time.  Queefa Sniffer was FRB, the Half Blood Prick was DFL and Puppycakes was Bridesmaid.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee, in an effort to get off to his gigolo duties, never crossed the line, thus throwing off all of the careful math.  Puppycakes was a tener with 340 runs.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was also a tener with 170 but escaped the circle.  The hash shit went to Dead Peter Beater and Porta-pussy for a private party they had while the rest of us were trying to bestow hash shit honors.  About 5 had to drink for lacking the Hawaiian spirit.  We had 21 two legged and 2 four legged hashers in attendance.
351		Choice of a New Penetration organized a scramble hash and those that could met at Pixel Dick's abode for a run.  Choice laid a trail completely devoid of beer stops.  We almost died.  Trail was easily a mile in length which is inhumane treatment if you don't have at least a beer stop in there somewhere.  A perfectly laid trail will have an even ratio of beer stops to bad trails.  We were no where near a perfect trail.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was FRB, Puppycakes was Bridesmaid, Pixel Dick was DFL, Choice of a New Penetration won a improvised hash shit award.  Yeastie Boy and Prairie Ho were returners.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was a tener with 180 runs.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee was a 69'er with 169 runs.
350		Poop Chute Recruit and Barnacle Bill the Failure led us on a trail from the corner of the Publics grocery behind Vallarta's on Washington Road.  The hares lacked a key ingrediant in their planning as neither carried a flash light and they were in the shiggy.  They eventually were snared by Chicken Fried Butt Sex for their foolishness.   A new twist was added as Beer Stops had envelopes with valuable coupons, redeemable at the down down circle.  After an eternity of running the hashers formed up at the parking lot of the publics and began the circle.  We said goodbye to UTI (who won the hash shit for showing his bubble gum (balls)) as he and Brown Eye allowed the military to relocate them up north.  No Name Michelle got to keep the actual award to give it up yet another hash.  Upon redeeming the coupons, most found them to say "hares drink".  There was some discussion to the contrary led of course by the hares but beer goggles never lie, the coupons said "hares drink".  We were forced into an early dismissal of the circe before all hash business could conclude as one of Augusta's finest was called in to see what the gang of teenagers (us) was doing in their (Public's) parking lot.  Finding that we were not very welcome, we sang swing low and got the "F" out of there to go find food.
349		Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater led us on a relatively short trail on a wet and nasty night.  It was raining but it was the Beast that made it nasty.  Hold My Balls Por Favor had to bail as cohare as he is letting his babysitter run his life.  The HashShit was given to a virgin, no-name-Michelle, as she thought it was cute.  Freeballer was a returner and the bridesmaid, although the hare drank for it as he forgot the award winner's identity.  Choice of a New Penetration was the FRB and no-name-Michelle was DFL.  We had a naming and a renaming.  Put a Lil South in My Mouth is now known as "Put a Little Mouth on My South".  No-Name-Brian will forever be known as "My Beer Goes Both Ways".  Also in attendance were Baglady, Can't talk Gotta Pee, Puppycakes, Stinky Pinky, Poop Chute Recruit, Half Blood Prick, Strokin Granny, Barnacle Bill the Failure, and Chicken Fried Butt Sex.
348		Can't Talk Gotta Pee took us on a run that caused us to take pause and admire the ability of little candy hearts (trail markings) to hide in the dark of night.  No secret that the trail sucked.  The run theme was a Valentines one.  Most had some red or hearts on as Can't Talk was a little reminiscent of the snack fairy from tv.  No hash shit award present kept Can't Talk from enjoying its company.  Stroking Granny was FRB, Baglady was Bridesmaid, and DFL was probably Pixel.  We had a new hasher join our midst, Barnacle Bill the Failure.  Plenty of no blows and returners.  No Name Brian who is one run from being named might have blew chunks (at least the beer didn't stay down like its supposed to).
347		Pap Smear led us on a somewhat cold and slightly wet romp around Grovetown.  We had forgotten how cheap Pap Smear could be with flour.  There was as much flour on a dead raccoon carcass as there was on trail.  Poor raccoon now smells of death and flour.  Pap Smear was a tener with 10 runs and led a shitty run so he had plenty of reason to drink.  The hash was introduced to naughty stops where the first one there had to stop and wait for a fellow hasher to spank their ass.  I think we had one in front of all churches and police stations.  There were probably 10 opportunities to spank butt which in some respect felt quite gay.  We were also introduced to song stops where we had to gather and sing a song.  You'll never catch the hare with all those stops.  We named no-name-German who will forever be known as "Hold My Balls Por Favor".  Hold My Balls Por Favor  was FRB, Pixel Dick was DFL, and Leave it to Cleavage was bridesmaid.  Also in attendance was Puppycakes, Baglady, and Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  The hash drank a toast to "G" as it was his birthday and he founded hashing.  The on-in was at PapSmears where we had hamburgers and hotdogs and drank our precious beer.  After the hash most of the hashers went down to the backyard barbecue to see Dead Peter Beater working at her JOB.
346		Can you say long and arduous.....  Stinky Pinky had her hashing boots on and she and Put a Lil South in My Mouth weaved up and down every possible road and alley between Central Avenue, Walton Way, and Wrightsborough Road.  They twisted and turned at every possible opportunity and then forgot that the hounds don't always twist and turn with them as they were SNARED by Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  It was almost 3 hours before the brave hashers went in search of food as the trail was doing its best to confuse and wear down the pack.  No Name Heidi was finally named after about two years.  She will now and forever be known as Porta-Pussy.  The down down consisted mostly of the hares drinking which is fine with most.  In attendance were Hadly Ever Comes, Puppycakes, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, The Other White Meat, Poop Chute Recruit, Pixel Dick, Porta-Pussy, No Name German, The Half Blood Prick, Choice of a New Penetration, Stinky Pinky, and Put a Lil South In My Mouth.
345		Poor Puppycakes got holding the bag and still managed to lay a superb trail full of beer stops and intrigue.  Dirt Diggler was to hare with Puppycakes and he was a no show.  Poop Chute Recruit offered to hare if Dirt Diggler didn't show up and he didn't show up either.  Trail started from the Cotton Patch bar and consisted of one outdoor beer stop and 3 indoor beer stops.  The last beer stop being the Playground had a special deal on January's shot of the month so that was a must also.  The first beer stop almost had drama as a hotel worker saw puppycakes run into the trees and not come out and then waited around to warn the pack that there was a mugger in the trees hiding.  All he managed to do was worn baglady about puppycakes like she doesn't know already........... Pixel missed the first stop and made it to the second where Choice of a New Penetration called and asked for directions to the beer stop, received them, and still didn't take the hint.  Choice earned the hash shit for actions on a road hash.  Baglady had 310 runs and Other White Meat had 30.  Returners were Metal Detector and Brown Eye.  Award winners were baglady as FRB, Metal Detector as bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick as DFL.  Those in  attendance that didn't win squat other than beer were Put a Lil South in My Mouth, Half Blood Prick, No-Name Heidi, No-Name German, Leave it to Cleavage, and Pap Smear.
344		Pixel Dick and Choice of a New Penetration started us out at Blanchard Park and had beer stops at Fecal Handler's House and the Mi Rancho Restaurant.  The stop at Fecal Handler's was quite interesting.  We had not one, not two, not three, not four, but five marked or unmarked police cars responding to our being in Fecal Handler's back yard.  Seems she has a neighbor who is less than appreciative of our walking by his house in any number over 2.  The 15 of us caused him to call in the cavalry which of course had to be educated to hashing and our involvement in it.  It would seem that our article in the Augusta Chronicle went unread by local law enforcement.  We had one visitor, Slappy from Charlotte.  We had a new hasher start with us, No-Name German.  PoopChute Recruit was a tener with 90 runs and he was the DFL.  The Half Blood Prick was a tener also with 10 runs.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB.  Baglady was an honorary hare for handling the money for the hares.  Note to self, accept no cash unless haring.  The hashers assembled in the circle declared that this run did truly suck and the hares of course drank.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex and The Other White Meat were no-blows.  In attendance were Pixel Dick, Choice of a New Penetration, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, The Other White Meat, Stinky Pinky, Poop Chute Recruit, Can't Talk Gotta Pee, Baglady, Puppycakes, Spank My Spuds, Put a Lil South In My Mouth, The Half Blood Prick, Dead Peter Beater, Slappy, and No Name German.
343		Rumor is that it was a wonderful run.  Puppycakes led a pack of  Baglady, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Can't Talk Gotta Pee, Pixel Dick, Queen LaQueefa, Poop Chute Recruit, Hardly Ever Comes, Poop Chute Recruit, Choice of a New Penetration, Put a Lil South in my Mouth, Half Blood Prick, and The Other White Meat through some of the new walking trails along the river.  The run started at the Highlander where warm up pitchers prepared the runners for the cold weather.  Much of the run was along the river with occasional ventures into the nearby mud.  3 beer stops later (natty and beast free) the hounds were back at the Highlander.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was FRB, Hardly Ever Comes was Bride's Maid, and The Other White Meat was DFL.  The Half Blood Prick was a no blow.  Pixel Dick was a tener with 140 runs and Put a Lil South in My Mouth was a tener with 10 runs.  The on after was back in the Highlander where more beer was enjoyed by all.
342		Togas in Winter.  Something those wine swilling Romans never did.  Hardly Ever Comes and Leave it to Cleavage weaved us in and out of the downtown area with our togas blowing in the wind.  Most were adorned in togas but a few found ways around the wrapping of ones bed sheet around one's self.  Hardly wore a t-shirt from a Japanese something or other that had the word toga all over it.  The hash shit went to the hares for their torturing of us as we ran for what seemed like an eternity before we even saw a glimmer of a beer near sign.  We had some teners with Puppycakes having 330 runs, Dead Peter Beater having 110, and Choice of a New Penetration having 20.  The toga crowd conducted the on after at the Limelite Cafe with some still adorned in their garb.  In attendance were Puppycakes, Baglady, Pixel Dick, Hardly Ever Comes, Leave it To Cleavage, Dead Peter beater, Spank My Spuds, Choice of a New Penetration, Poop Chute Recruit, Stinky Pinky, Put a Lil South in My Mouth, Half Blood Prick, and Pap Smear.
341		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Choice of a New Penetration took us on a slightly muddy trail from the North Augusta boat ramp and wandered down and around the green way.  We ran through the wet sod of the new sports complex, risking life, limb, and Freeballer's shoe.  We dined on beer on a huge mound of dirt/shit mix/who knows.  We then tried our best to find as many sticker bushes as one can in the dark in the woods.  Our next beer stop was at the bottom of a 15 foot mud slide and slide we did.  We looked like babies wearing our diapers inside out.  Our final beer stop was under a bridge where the trolls (hares) had another tasty batch of natty.  We had a couple of returners in Freeballer and Stroking Granny.  Put a lil South in my mouth had to drink for lost property.  Pixel Dick got the hashshit for his transporting the hash shit after its long hiatus.  Did I mention the run sucked?
340		Run 340 was a mismanagement meeting at the highlander where we rejoiced in $5 pitchers of Michelob lite.  We cleaned up our hash roster.  If you haven't been hashing in a while, you may have been retired.  If you are still in the area and we hold out hope of your return, you are still on the active list.  We are going to try a Movie night a few nights a month.  Presumably this will be on Monday night.  Hardly Ever Comes will be the organizer of this event.  We have some new hash officers (people who are expected to perform work), plus we are talking about having a hash camp on  a long camp out weekend. Hare Raiser: Choice of a New Penetration Haberdasher: Put a Lil south in My Mouth Hash Camp Comittee: CFBS, Hershey Highway, and Penetration We removed whistles as a reward for your fifth run.  We recognized that we need to do better planning for our upcoming special events.  For example:  green jacket run, Birthday run, red dress run.  We reaffirmed the hashes zero tolerance for illegal drugs.  Possession or use during a hash is a good way to get banished.  We addressed coming to the hash totally wasted or getting totally wasted at the hash is undesirable for all and should be refrained from by all members.  We discussed events which transpired at run#338.  It is agreed that a lot happened which goes against what hashing is about.  It is best we move on with a resolve to not let history repeat itself.  We formed a disciplinary watchdog group that when needed will bring matters to the attention of the hash.  This group will be made up of the hashers with the top four run totals (as long as they are active in the group) and the reigning GM.  Currently the group consists of Pixel Dick, Puppycakes, Baglady, Hardly Ever Comes, and Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  Our biggest change is how we conduct our hash.  For a trial basis our hash will go to a BYOB hash.  This will remove the bitching about not having good beer to drink.  It will also removes the beer meister's liability for supplying alcohol as most hashers end up driving from the hash.  Here are the particulars:  Bring a six pack of your beverage of choice in cans or plastic containers, no glass; If you want water or soda, bring it; Also bring  $3 to fund the efforts of the hares as they will be providing for the beverages during the run; Hares are responsible for their own flour and to bring a community cooler that the hashers may deposit their beer in (don't expect ice); Do not get angry if someone else drinks the beer you brought, it is a pot luck arrangement with everyone getting a chance to sample different beers; Don't bring the beast and then drink someone else's Heineken.  Be fair to your fellow hashers; Left over beer can go to the next run or can be consumed by those present.  The BYOB method replenishes the beer with minimal cost to the hash.
339		Puppycakes took a merry band of elves, santas and even a Christmas package on a couple mile jaunt through downtown Augusta.  Stops were made at the Firehouse, Ren, and Playground bars.  The playground gave us a half gallon of shots on the house so we love them very much.  Leave it to Cleavage was FRB, Choice of a New Penetration was bride's maid, and Poop Chute Recruit was DFL.  Utterly Delicious was a tener with 30 runs.  We had numerous returners and even a virgin.  No Name Dixie was named and shall forever be known as "Put a Little South in my Mouth".
338		Freeballer took us on a run where the air was as cold as the beer.  We started from the Backyard Tavern and wondered through the woods.  We had a couple of beer stops ..................then something happened........................something else happened..........................and maybe something else happened.  We chucked the circle in favor of an on after at the nearest Mexican restaurant where beer and food were consumed.
NA		The 5th Anal Christmas party and gift exchange was held at Chicken Fried Butt Sex's home.  It was a good turnout as at least 25 hashers showed up with at least 17 participating in the gift exchange.  Gifts ranged from a midget sized sex doll to normal gifts to bottles and bottles of Jaegar.  There was an abundance of food (pizza, wings, ribs, chips, beer, beer, punch, beer, sandwiches, vodka, etc.).  The party saw the typical activities where Choice of a New Penetration danced in Queen La Queefa's newly acquired candy thong or where YeastieBoy power puked some mighty good ribs into the toilet.  All in all a good time to be had by all.
337		Bloody Stool stood in for the sick lame and lazy Choice of a New Penetration who claimed to be sick.  We started from the Augusta Harley dealership and did a bit of road work as we were hanging close to the black top.  Beer quality picked up at the beer stops until the last one where we valiantly tried to rid ourselves of the beast.  The last 3rd was off road with the last quart of trail being a major "WTF" as we were treated to two true trails and wouldn't you know we'd pick the wrong one.  Most like the shepards, followed the star to the east and found our way back.  We may still have a couple of hashers out on trail as it was suspected that there was some SOT.  I think Poop Chute Recruit would have ended up being DFL.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was FRB and Tater-tits was Bridesmaid.  Credit Bloody Stool for taking the reigns and haring.  Note to hash, weigh him down with flour before he goes.  Metal Detector and Little Johnny Cockring were the only ones dressed up for Pearl Harbor theme.  They came as planes and bumped rudders all night.
336		The Pixel Dick birthday hash, ala football theme run started with bloody Marys at the Wheeler Road Tavern parking lot at 10am on a Sunday morning.  The trail was arduous as it led us straight to a pot of coffee mixed with frangellica (sp?).  We then enjoyed a roaring bonfire where our hare brought the next beer stop to us and there was bourbon and eggnog to be had.  The trail back to the start found the pack passing the hare where we enjoyed some cheap champagne and OJ prior to swing lowing.  The only  items of note is Choice of a New Penetration chose to finish the run barefoot due to his accumulating dogshit on his boots and Pixel is now old..
335		Bloody Stool ran us around the Augusta Soccer Complex until we know every place God could grow a sticker bush.  There were plenty of beer stops but you can only live on so much natty and beast.  No Name Cisco would have got the hash shit for playing in traffic but its current owner was not present.  Tater Tits was DFL with Poop Chute Recruit being the FRB (strange but true).  Chicken Fried Butt Sex had 170 runs and Baglady hit the magical 300 so they were the teners.
334		Choice of a new Penetration took us on an abreviated trail which started from the Wheeler Tavern Parking lot, beer stopped in the Wheeler Tavern and left the parking lot following trail to a checkback 69 which meant go back to the parking lot.  It was cold and we were easily wooed by the wimp luxuries like heat and food.  Dead Peter Beater was the FRB, Bloody Stool was the Bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was the DFL.  Seems that Hardly Ever Comes had his 190th run and Chicken Fried Butt Sex was a 69er with 169.  Dead Peter Beater was also a returner.
333		Hardly Ever Comes and Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us on a run that was the target of much hype.  The hares spent the better part of a week building up the run to be a collossal event.  In the end it just sucked.  They started from the Cotton Patch and covered most of the town that lies within a mile of the starting point.  There were 4 beer stops but most hashers only saw two of them.  There were two trails but only one hasher saw both of them.  The only hasher to see both trails still didn't see all the beer stops.  Hardly Ever Comes even got frisked and questioned by the police while hiding his beer for the first beer stop that only a couple ever saw.  We had a new hasher join us, Metal Detector.  We had some returners as Dirt Diggler, Hershey Highway, Poop Chute Recruit, No Name Dixie, Stinky Pinky, and Can't Talk Gotta Pee showed up.  Tater Tits was a 20 run tener, Dirt Diggler was a 50 run tenner, and Puppycakes drank for his 320th run.  We had one virgin and a owed downtown by a two timer.  Bloody Stool was the FRB, PoopChute Recruit was the bridesmaid and Pixel Dick was the DFL.  This marked the beginning of the Bloody Stool beer meistering and all was well as the beer was cold and the coolers contained midgrade grocery store beer.
332		Puppycakes and Hardly Ever Comes were haring from the Highlander even though rumor was that it had finally closed.  The Highlander was found to be open, the rumors false, and it was $5 pitcher night.  The pre-lube lasted 3 hours and was followed by a well marked trail.  The FRB was Queen LaQueefa, DFL was Blow Me, Bridesmaid was Baglady.  This was Blow Me's last run as he is off to Korea.  No Name Tanner will be needing a name come next run.  Puppycakes was a tener with 320 runs.
331		Bloody Stool and his trusty companion Mount Crapmore led us around in circles as we left the comfort of Sue Reynolds Park and ended up around the new Finish Line bar and Jimmy Dyess Parkway .  He managed to lead us back to old trail where we wandered an extra half mile through the woods and were able to meet the owner of the private property we were wandering around in.  We received a minor lecture on the meaning of private property and ended up wandering back to the end via the road.  Trail was hard to follow at night as the hare was saving his flour for some reason unbeknownce to us.  The circle was forgone as our property benefactor had mentioned Richmond County's finest and we were under a streetlamp drinking to boot.  Mount Crapmore and Pixel Dick were teners and we missed a couple on the Halloween run.  Dead Peter Beater could have gotten rid of the hash shit award but Bloody Stool was saved by her absence.  We have started at Sue Reynolds Park and ended there a total of 2 times.  We have been been encouraged to leave both times.
330		Our Halloween run started in an ominous fashion as we followed Dead Peter Beater (Bride of Chucky) and Freeballer (chucky) to places that beer could be found in.  We were an odd assortment of characters representing everything that is warped with our society and we even had costumes on.  Pixel Dick was a safety green (from head to toe) 70's disco stud, Bloody Stool was a priest with a small child stuck to his crotch, Baglady was a punk rocker skeleton, Puppycakes was a beer keg, Choice of a new penetration was pippy longstockings or her sister, Spank My Spud was a French Maid, and Hardly Ever Comes was your garden variety down on your luck Augustan (bum).  Now imagine this group making two beer stops beyond the safety of laney Walker and ending up under the the Walton Way overpass where the noise from the detention center drowned out our belching.  Peter Beater kept our run down to only two abandoned buildings and one abandoned sand pile.  We had to postpone our tricker treating for beer to even wait on a train so we could cross the tracks.  We ended our evening at the bonfire at Freeballers where many pieces of wood were sacrificed.  Not all made it there as there was a slight division of the ranks as we neared mugger and rapist land on route to the furthest beer stop.  Those that made the beer stop had that much more beer to carry back to the start.  Dead Peter Beater did most of the trail  without shoes as she killed them on route.  Probably lost them on purpose so she could outrun the rest of us in case of trouble.
329		Talk about some beautiful women that later in the evening turned into cheap and nasty sluts, but enough about the guys.  It was the 5th Anal Red Dress extravaganza where we tried something new in doing a pub crawl and ending up in the back of the Playground bar.  There were no FRB, DFL, Bridesmaid, or hash shit awards.  Tiara's were given out based on merit and dress.  Bloody Stool won most likely to be gangraped in prison for his fine blond wig.  Pixel Dick and Puppycakes won them for some reason.  Freeballer won for sluttiest costume which unfortunately caused some burning in the optic nerve.  Dead Peter Beater won for most naked hasher.  Spank My Spud won for least red as she showed up late from college.  Our visitor, Lost Cuntry won for best spirit as he was red from head to toe.  We consumed mass amounts of pizza and some beer and shots.  Rumor is there was fun to be had and there didn't seem to be repeat costumes.  Be on the lookout for pictures as all the amateur photogs were out.
328		Bloody Stool and Tater-tits took us for a run that had us walking through the sewers of I-20 or at least in a very wet culvert under I-20.  First we had to run around some apartments and some woods, then some water and then some more woods, then some roads, then a school, and finally we were done.  The run of course sucked and one of the beer stops was near what has to be one of the most stinky dumpsters in all creation.  The beer curdled in our hands.  The beer although cheap and barely palatable was cold and deserved better.  Most all of the hashers crossed the line at the same time causing the hares to level false accusations such as Puppycakes for DFL, etc.  Bloody Stool was the first recipient of the new dog tag style 25 run foot.  Did I mention the run sucked?  The on-after was at Teresa's with the big deck and Tater-tits stopped them from over charging us and most received discounted food.  The next time expect spit in your food.
327		Puppycakes and Baglady lead a run that ventured into darkest Columbia Co. to prove once and for all if a bear shits in the woods, you will step in it.  A wonderful hash which came close to providing too much beer if such a thing is possible.  Rumors of poison ivy or pestilence were exaggerated.  Starting point was the old Winn Dixie parking lot near Columbia and Belair Roads.  The woods were plenty dark and the beer was cold so it was a fine hash.  So fine that Dead Peter Beater was the FRB, Pixel Dick was the Bridesmaid and No Name Joe was the DFL.  Queen La Queefa was the tener with 140 runs.  Dead Peter Beater  had the hash shit award but failed to produce it when asked.  She chose to keep it one more week.
326		Dead Peter Beater and Tater Tits led us on a circular course that was but one step ahead of the rain.  The hares failed to recon as a beer stop was rerouted as the bar they chose had closed its doors to the public for good.  The bar they did choose carded them and they were without their green cards and were nearly deported.  At some point they were also snared when running back to the pack looking for an ID.  Freeballer was DFL, Baglady was the bridesmaid and BloodyStool was the FRB.  The hash shit ended up in Dead Peter Beaters control once more for the many stories of glow stick madness from the SC/NC hash.  Fisted Sister was not a returner on this hash but is leaving us to cuddle with camels and sheep in the sandpit across the pond.
325		Bloody Stool and Mount Crapmore lead a determined but small band of dedicated hashers on a trail which featured a cornucopia of terrain changes.  It was wet and wooded and muddy and even tested our skills of balance.  No Name Abbi shall now and forever be known as Holy Water Doosh.  Holy Water Doosh was the DFL and Baglady was the FRB.  Baglady was a tener with 290 runs.  Trail of course sucked.
324		Choice of a New Penetration kept us in suspense as he got lost on the way to the start which was downtown at 11th and Ellis Street.  Throw in a couple of new trail markers not mentioned during the chalk talk, getting tossed from a bar, getting snared by 7 hounds and forgetting to pay for beer at a bar stop and you've got an epic trail.  The hash shit was of course won by our hare in a tightly contested race between himself and some much lamer ne-erdowells.  Freeballer was the FRB and surprisingly didn't snare the hare.  Puppycakes was the Bridesmaid and Bloody Stool was the DFL.  We had two virgins, Bloody Stool had 25 runs, Freeballer 40, Fisted Sister and Stroking Granny were returners, and Can't Talk Gotta Pee pulled up stakes early to see a women about a horse.
323		The run started from the parking lot near Green Jacket Stadium and was hared by a team of backup hares.  The hare, Dead Peter Beater, was a no show and was of course awarded the hash shit award for our troubles.  Pixel stepped in and hared.  He had as an apprentis hare, Tater-tits, on her virgin lay.  They did a crude figure 8 that took us past the cemetary, the lake, the stadium, the canal, the railroad tracks, etc.  All in all we saw what we came to see and didn't get wet or covered in poison ivy in the process.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee joined the hares at the end when he touched up their finish line markings.  The FRB was Choice of a New Penetration, Bridesmaid was Bloody Stool and DFL was Puppycakes.  The tener was Can't Talk Gotta Pee with 160 runs.  Fisted Sister was a returner.
322		Chicken Fried Butt Sex lead a determined bunch of beer enthusiasts from the Cotton Patch parking area (full of tents for Art in the Heart) and wondered over the better part of downtown between the Green Streets bar and Joe's Underground.  All the while we were looking for special symbols (poorly drawn footballs) to tell us to pass a football back and forth.  The football carrier sees the mark, stops and gives the ball to the next hasher to reach the mark.  In the end the last holder of the ball was forced to consume nasty Yeagermeister.  There was a hint of competitive running towards the end as the football marks appeared quite often.  Trail did confuse some as the trail when into a parking garage, up four floors of steps, across the roof and down the other side steps.  The hash shit still managed to go to Poop Chute Recruit as he was the current owner and no one was enthused enough to vote him out of it.  The FRB was cheesehead himself (pixel dick) as he zenned himself out of a beer stop.  Queefa Sniffer was the bridesmaid and Poop Chute Recruit was scouting the rear as the DFL.  Returners were no-name Patrick, Hardly Ever Comes, and Other White Meat.  The tener was Puppycakes with 310.  All were adorned with favorite football team colors or in Hardly Ever Comes case, carrying a florescent football.
321		Poop Chute Recruit and Stinky Pinky took us on a patriotic run to commemorate 9-11.  We started from the parking lot of the Boy Scout Road Teresas and wandered into the creek where we got to play in water and Choice of a New Form of Penetration got to wash his backside.  The hares took us on a 3 beer stop run where we had to navigate creek beds and numerous fences on our way to cold beer.  The hash shit was given to the hares for their failure to show proper flag ettiquet.  The FRB was Choice of A New Form of Penetration, Bridesmaid was Puppycakes, and the DFL was Pixel Dick who I might add was very patriotic with his flag suction cupped to his brain bucket.  No teners or returners but we did have a new join as Makes the Boys Wonder has come into our area and needs a hash home.  Bloody Semen bailed early as we were getting dangerously close to Dallas Cowboy kickoff and the stress was killing him.  The on after was surprisingly held at Teresas where we thing Poop Chute was hit on by a limp wristed gentleman.
320		Dead Peter Beater and A different kind of penetration took us on what was an arduous hash that started in a little league baseball area and didn't miss any of it or the surrounding  jungle by the time we were done.  It was Add a Dick to Me's last run prior to departing the area.  She will be missed, unless she starts sending nude photos to the hash in a timely manner.  It was also the 25th haring of Dead Peter Beater which got her the coveted flashing mug.  It also was her 100th run which got her the even more coveted 100th run flag.  The hash shit award was given to Pixel Dick for saying mean and nasty things to our departing hasher.  He talked about her inability to cum anymore plus used her Christian name.  We had a whole lot returners thanks to 2 hashes on Saturday.  The FRB was Add a Dick to Me, the DFL was puppycakes, and everybody basically got credit for the bridesmaid position.  The hares lost half the pack on the 3rd beer stop due to impassible jungle.  The 6 that made it were then led by one hare in 3 different directions until, as a unit, they emerged from the jungle miles from the eventual hash circle.
319		Dead Peter Beater lead the second pack of the day on a run that can only be described as the worst run of the day.  It started at the Backyard Tavern and only had one beer stop.  Blow Me was FRB, Freeballer was Bridesmaid, and Choice of a New Penetration was DFL.  Once again, no 10ers or 25s.  The On After was the Green Jackets game as Add a Dick 2 Me had plenty of tickets to go around.
318		Dead Peter Beater lead us on a unusually long trail from The Upper Crust.  It looked like we might have to move the start finish point as the manager was mistaken when he told the hare there would not be a car wash in the same parking lot.  Fortunately the acting RA was able to keep the crowd of hasher under control and they stayed on their side of the restaurant we we stayed on ours.  The trail seemed endless and there were only 2 beer stops.  Instead of one of the air conditioned bars in the area, the first beer stop was in between 2 dumpsters that were in dire need of emptying.  The near noon time sun gave the trash a fresh baked aroma.  Fortunately after our tour of downtown Evans the 2nd beer stop was in the AC.  All in all the run sucked.  No Name Abi was FRB, No Name Tanner was bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was DFL.  The female hashers did not notice that they out numbered the males and thus no punishment was meted out.  No 10ers or 25ers, No Name Abi was a returner.
317		Bloody Stool and Mount Crapmore took us on a bit of an adventure which started at Eisenhower park an briefly crossed over into SC and back.  We got wet and just about everything we had got wet but the water was semi-cool so it is a shame that the beer got wet because it got warm.  Our first beer stop cost the smoker's their cigarettes as we ended up a wee bit past the midway point of the Savannah river.  Probably crossed the dotted line in the map that marks SC.  Good current, almost too good as Hershey Highway and Can't Talk Gotta Pee could have been swept down river with very little urging.  By the time all were out of the water, visibility was pretty poor and the going was slow.  Choice of a new Penetration was the only one coaxed back into the river as the second beer stop had a brief trip back to the water.  Plenty of opportunity for chaffing.  There were 3 beer stops in all with the last leg taking us over the train bridge at night, soaking wet.  Can't Talk is sure that it was a worse run that his best effort.  The FRB was Freeballer as he missed a beer stop or two.  DFL was Tater-Tits and the bridesmaid was Add a Dick to Me.  Blow Me was a no-blow and Can't Talk Gotta Pee was a returner.
316		It was the 4th annual back to school run which for the first time was not hared by Professor Hardly Ever Comes.  It was hared by Dead Peter Beater and Freeballer.  We also had the Augusta Chronicle on tap to run with us and photograph various elements of our tenuous time on trail.  The photographer road his bike in an around us while we slugged our way around downtown Augusta.  Normally the dress is come as a nerd or how you used to look in highschool or come as a school girl.  Everyone male and female seemed inclined to dress like a school girl.  The nasty male ass requires something other than a mini skirt to cover it.  There were quite a few cases of blindness dished out as some took to skirts, tennis balls in their shirts and long flowing wigs.  The hares may or may not have been snared, always an arguable point on a Peter Beater run.  We had some visitors, some returners, some teners, some virgins, and some who just don't know any verses to the S&M Man, enjoy beer in the center.  Some pictures will be forthcoming and it is rumored we may have a shot at the front page of the paper unless we get upstaged by a wedding or obituary.
315		A rare thing happened during the hash, it rained...........  Not only did it rain, it poured.  Two thirds of the hounds never saw the down down or any of the beer stops.  Puppycakes and Hardly Ever Comes laid a trail from the highlander.  Actually a split trail and where the trails met caused the confusion, which later aided by the toilets in heaven overflowing, led to two thirds of the pack sitting in a dry highlander while the brave hares and select few hounds huddled together consuming all the beer stop beer.  Some of the hounds ended up going backwards on the split leg of the trail which means no beerstop beer if that kind of activity persists.  It was an A to B run as the trail ended in the only dry place on trail (old tin warehouse on the greenway).  Add a Dick to Me was the FRB, Bloody Stool was the Bridesmaid and the DFL.  We named No name Matt "Organ Grinder" while we drew straws as to who would gather two of each animal.  Since no one followed Puppycakes initial leg of the trail, no one had to go to the hospital for dog bites.  Puppycakes was attacked by the hounds of the baskervilles and had to douse them with flour and hit them with the flour bag just prior to hitting escape speed.  These were two very unhappy and very loose mutts which would not have been invited aboard the ark.  They actually were trying to bite people or worse, were after the beer stop beer that Puppycakes was carrying.
314		Dead Peter Beater and Freeballer led us from the parking lot near the Richmond county humane society.  It was a rare Saturday where it wasn't raining.  It was quite hot and lucky for us, we had two beer stops in the water which almost make up for the one we had in the poison ivy.  All in all there were 5 beer stops.  We had no virgins and no teners, Browneye was the returner (almost 3 years gone).  The hash shit never made it to the run so we couldn't give the hares their just deserves.  The outstanding weather was a gift of the religious advisor to all that attended.
313		Chicken Fried Butt Sex took us on a slightly damp trail, although some would argue that there was no trail, which started in the parking area near the Cotton Patch.  We had a couple of virgins.  Bleeden Semen, Hardly Ever Comes, and Add a Dick to me were the returners.  We had 4 teners as Cat scratch wiener (10), The Other White Meat (20), Hardly Ever Comes (180), and Baglady (280) drank for the privilege.  The FRB was Add a Dick to Me, Bridesmaid was Queen La Queefa, and DFL was Fisted Sister.  The Hash shit was awarded to the Hare for services rendered.  Pixel Dick received his 100 run hash flag a few runs late.  The Other White Meat was the no blow leading to thoughts of conspiracy as the hare was spared.  It was a rare moment in hashing as all the runners (8) with over 100 runs were present.
312		Fisted Sister and Stroking Granny on his virgin hare took us for a run which was pretty much targeting the nearest bar, except in the case of Greenstreets.  There was some real bad singing which put some on the verge of winning the hash shit for noise pollution.  Stinky Pinky did her best to balance things out.  We started from behind the Mellow Mushroom in a semi exposed parking lot and basically drank much beer.  We ended up in the back end of the Mission where we did a rare inside the bar circle and tested the acoustics of the place.  A couple of days ago the award winners were known to me but now, I'm not so sure.  What I do know is that there are some missing hash trinkets necessary for the virginal process that are missing and someone must drink for at the next run.  We had 3 virgins, some returners and no teners.  This was Fisted Sister's last haring before he goes off to Iraq to f*ck camels and goats.  He will be missed (moment of silence)............  This is his cheap attempt to be a returner and get a trip to the circle when he gets back and get some extra beer.
311		We met at the Rapids Pavilion at the end of Evans to Lock Road.  The Governor was just leaving after having a hearty breakfast with the president of the Libertarian party (Pixel Dick) and the Confederate protesters were starting to get tired from waving the flags.  The run started off with Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater running down to Reed Creek so that we could see why we would not be crossing it.  Quite the swimming challenge for the drinking inclined.  Then it was off to the water's edge for more beer where a beer grenade went off and soaked most of us.  Next beer stop was a typical Dead Peter Beater abandoned house trip as we went to one of the fine river cottages that is home to the various homeless that can afford the plush living by the river.  No Name Bennet somehow managed to become a cohare with his moving of a beer stop beer supply thus assuring the hares they wouldn't be snared.  There were no teners, no virgins and no returners.  Fisted Sister was DFL, Baglady was the Bridesmaid, and somebody who runs for a living probably was FRB.  We had some namings to attend to and we did our duty as No Name Bennet is now and forever to be known as "Blow Me".  We also named No Name Ryan early as he was attacked by a tick while masturbating.  He is now and will be forever known as "Dick Tick".  The on after was at Freeballer's house where Pixel cooked some Low Country Boil with catfish caught by Freeballer, in the Augusta sewer, using the ancient art of dynamite fishing.
310		Dead Peter Beater picked up Freeballer at the air port and before he could go home, he had to cohare a run from the Cotton Patch.  Pretty uneventful as the police must have passed us a half dozen times and didn't think we were worth bothering with.  We had on safety green shirts and paper hats.  This was a run of the teners as Fisted Sister (30), Dead Peter Beater (90), Pixel Dick (110), Queen La Queefa (130), and Puppycakes (300) were all teners.  No Name Brian and Freeballer were returners.  Cat Scratch Wiener was FRB, Puppycakes was Brides'maid, and Baglady was DFL.  Dead Peter Beater will keep the hash shit as she failed to carry it on trail.  The run by the way, did suck..........
309		Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick took us on a run that started from behind the Batteries Plus in Walton Corner by Wheeler and Walton Way.  Somehow they managed to keep us from swimming or wading through any water.  We did get to experience the deep woods without the deep woods protection of off.  We had returners in Tater tits, Fingered By You,  and Leave it to Cleavage.  We had two virgins, no name Cisco and no name Patrick.  We had teners of  Stroking Granny (10) and Fingered By You (20).  Bloody Stool was FRB, No Name Patrick was bridesmaid and Tator Tits was DFL.  The run sucked and Poop Chute Recruit snared the hares as they snuck away to meet him on a path where he could snare them at the 2nd beer check.  The on after was at Logan's Road House where they served Fisted Sister raw meat as per his intention on going to Iraq.
308		The run started off with an ominous cloud hanging over it.  The beermeister was not there and we had Dead Peter Beater substituting.  Problem was, the cooler had only left over beer from the previous hash.  Rumor is that the Columbia county sheriff helped load the cooler on the back of the truck for Dead Peter Beater.  The run saw the return of Urinary Tract Infection (UTI).  He and the Brown Eye are back in town for a while.  We also named no name Tom to his new name, Cat Scratch Weiner.  The run was a bit tame as we found ourselves running from Eisenhower park to a clump of bushes and drank shitty beer, then to another clump of bushes to drink shitty beer, and then to the rocks in the middle of the Savannah river to drink more shitty beer.  Typical day in the life of the hashers.  Take note, if Pixel Dick has his gay surf shoes on, it will be a wet hash.  Luckily Fisted Sister was running late and arrived on trail in time to either snare the hares or go for emergency beer.  Lucky for us he chose beer.  After a brief cleansing of our palates with fresh beer, we adjourned to Queen LaQueefa's home to finish the fresh beer, whereas we found Jizz Mop fresh from watching the boat races.  After that it was off to the Green Jacket Stadium parking lot where Cat Scratch Weiner was hosting a tailgate party with all the trimmings.
307		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and his virgin cohare Other White Meat took us around the wet woods by the Evans Lock area.  Typical crappy run with a trademark Chicken Fried Butt Sex backcheck.  Some debate over the accuracy of the count.  The religious advisor was able to maintain a light drizzle and the run was accomplished.  The FRB was Jizz Mop, No Name Bennet was the Bridesmaid and DFL was Dead Peter Beater.  Dead Peter Beater received the OGR award and the hash shit for how she won the OGR award.  She waded into the stream and sat down in it to take a secret pee.  What really won the hash shit was how for over 10 minutes she accused a pine tree of using one of its branches to mess with her hair when it was in reality Pixel Dick with a small twig.  She definately gave the tree many a hard look to see how it was doing it.  We named no name Lady "Mount Crapmore"  which makes Bloody Stool a hashing parent.  Everyone was a bit wet so we went to a Mexican restaurant for drier beer.
306		Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater took us on a run that started in tragedy as the beer meister was elsewhere with the beer.  We had an emergency beer run by Can't Talk Gotta Pee which netted us some somewhat warm (un-iced) beer from the local gas station.  Once the actual run started we were treated to a tour of Augusta's various homeless hotels.  Nothing like a few warm beers and an abandoned house or building to make you long for an air conditioned bar and 38 degree beer coolers.  We did make it to Green Streets where The Other White Meat, Stinky Pinky, and even Fisted Sister sang to help remove the painful memory of those singing when we arrived.  Jizz Mop and No Name Tom were the returners.  Bloody Stool was FRB as his dog pushed him across the line.  Speaking of dogs, Queefa Sniffer hit 30 runs.  Can't Talk was able to give the hash shit away as the hares and beermeister conspired to keep us either without beer or believing that we were homeless folk.
305		Fisted Sister led us from a fairly abandoned Blanchard Park.  Abandoned as it was too hot for real people to be out.  The beermeister was off on holiday which added a certain risk to it.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee provided rescue via his quick thinking and ability to purchase beer.  He took the beer to the end point and also became an honorary hare for his actions.  Prior to the run Pixel Dick hosted a breakfast at Athens which was attended by Pixel Dick, Can't Talk Gotta Pee, Baglady, and Puppycakes.  Bloody Mary's, beer, and coffee were consumed in preparation.   The run used less than a half mile square area and at most times the hare was never out of site as he maneuvered through the woods.  Ticks and poison ivy were plentiful and enjoyed by some.  The only time he was out of site, he was cornered by some barking dogs.  Needless to say Chicken Fried Butt sex snared him a plenty and became an honorary hare for his troubles.  The trail ended with a senseless run around a large pond and the finish line was in a pool.  The FRB was Pixel Dick, bridesmaid was Leave it to Cleavage, and the DFL was Other White Meat.  No one brought their whistle swimming so most were no blows.  The acting out of swing low was quite comical in 3 feet of water.  The on after was in the pool and around it, eating burgers and sausages.  Excellent on after which was eventually joined by Dirt Diggler and Hershey Highway.  Sun burns may limit our following days.  Pixel Dick, as GM, changed next weeks hare as Dead Peter Beater is out of touch at the lake for the next couple days and had not decided on a starting point.
304		Can't Talk Gotta Pee and Dead Peter Beater took us on a long and painful run as we chose mosquito infested swamp land over air conditioned bars for 2 of our 3 beer stops.  Trail was confusing as it always went away from the safety of the bars and very nearly crossed itself.  A couple of our more seasoned hashers were left wandering the streets without beer.  Can't Talk for his efforts received the hash shit award.  The FRB was Poop Chute Recruit, Bridesmaid was Stinky Pinky and DFL was Baglady.  The OGR holder was Freeballer.  We had some run number recognition as Queen La Queefa hit 125, Poop Chute Recruit his 75, Fisted Sister, Freeballer, and Stinky Pinky were all around the 25 mark.  A couple passed it but never got their feet awards.  Where oh where was the hash haberdasher.  No virgins, no returners, and no rain.
303		Bloody Mary's were served promptly near 1100 hours.  Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick led the typical Saturday crowd on a merry chase through some of the roughest poison ivy patches the hash has ever seen.  We even had a beer stop in the middle of it.  Other than that the hares were like trolls and led us under every bridge they could get us to risk our lives to investigate.  Water was unavoidable even for the hares as the flour sent swimming.  Dead Peter Beater's arm looked like she fisted Yeastie Boy.  There were many beer stops as the hares weren't keen on long distance.  The run was rated as more dangerous maneuvering than run 302 by those who ran both.  Now isn't that special.........  Baglady was a tenor with 270.  She was also the FRB, Fisted Sister was Bride's Maid, and Poop Chute Recruit was the DFL and OGR award holder.
302		From Fisted Sister: Chicken Fried Butt Sex took us on yet another shitty river tour, this time across the border starting in a whole other state. We ran through frisbee golf courses and through lots of shiggy. The trail went up and down some dangerous slippery cliffs which are always a safe choice with a bunch of drunkards running around. Luckily nobody got hurt (at least they didn't realise until the next morning) and some nice creeks and cracks were viewed along the way. Freeballer was FRB, Pixel Dick was DFL. Poop Chute Recruit received the OGR award because he couldn't hold it with all of the running water trickling downstream. From Pixel Dick: Chicken Fried Butt Sex lead a group of the Peach Fuzz's most dedicated hashers on what could only be described as the most dangerous run I've ever been on, and probably in PFH3 history.  It started off from the soccer field at Riverside Park in North Augusta. There were cliffs, steep slippery slopes, fallen logs, and attack turtles throughout this nasty run.  We probably should have renamed Bloody Stool to Bloody Everything as this bio-hazzard was bleeding from multiple wounds.  Fortunately, Dead Peter Beater was able to relocate the attack turtle to a safe zone so no damage was done.  There were no tenners, 25ers, 69ers, virgins, visitors or returners at this run.  Bloody Stool passed the Hash Shit award to Freeballer for reportedly needing the member lengthening magic provided by drinking Colt 45 Malt Liquor during a non hash related event.  Poop Chute Recruit was given the OGR award by Dead Peter beater who thought it was necessary to show us her tan lines at the 1st beer stop.  FRB was Freeballer, Bridesmaid was Queen La Queefa, and DFL was Pixel Dick.  We had a moment of silence and a down-down tribute to our lost hasher, On Golden Rug, as June 23rd is the one year anniversary of his passing.  The On After was at the Pizza Joint. The Hare's point of view:  Each beer stop was under waterfalls, a most breath taking view that could only be captured in pictures. The climb down 30 ft cliffs was not so bad. The fallen logs only helped with footing and something to grab on to. At the top of the cliffs was a great view of the savannah river.
301		It took them nearly 300 years but the Brittish got their revenge.  Bloody Stool took us on a bloody journey which was farther than a mere 3 beer stops could support.  We know all the woods between Rhinehart's and Target.  He received the hashshit by popular demand.  Bloody Stool and no name Lady started haring but no name Lady was later snared and failed to finish the run.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was FRB, Poop Chute Recruit was DFL, Queefa Sniffer was bride's maid.  Dead Peter Beater was the OGR winner.    Chicken Fried Butt Sex got his 150th run foot, Pixel Dick his 100th.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee is owed a 150th run foot, Freeballer and Stinky Pinky are owed 25th run feet.
300		Run 300 was celebrated with a cookout and an erection.  We erected some new hash officers to take us into the next 5 years of our existance.  27 showed up for beer, burgers and sausages.  The erections went as so:General Manager:  Pixel Dick Religious Advisor:  Puppycakes BeerMeister:  Freeballer Hash Cash:  Chicken Fried Butt Sex Hash Haberdasher:  Dirt Diggler Hare Raiser:  Fisted Sister Head Giver(s):  Queen La Queefa & Dead Peter Beater Puppycakes was also elected General Manager Emeritus which means he still gets semi blamed for all things awful........... The Pubcrawl went to the Playground where they gave us a "free" half gallon of flavored shots in honor of our 5th birthday.  We then went to the Mission and blew by the cover charge as Fisted Sister is a 1/6 owner.
299		It was a marvelous run almost devoid of any rain.  The dedicated few (22) braved the elements to cruise around town in funny hats.  The theme was crazy hats and there were some snazzy ones.  Dead Peter Beater had the best as she had mounted OGR's fake dong on a had and even had it pierced.  Dead Peter Beater was the FRB, No Name Lady was 4th (Bloody Stool drank), and Pixel Dick was DFL.  Butt Flap showed up at the very end and missed the honor.  No Name Preston and No Name Tiffany were given 5th run whistles.  No Name Preston is now and forever known as "Stroking Granny"  Poop Chute Recruit was given his 69th run flashlight.  Queen La Queefa was given her 100th run foot after the ceremony.  Teners were Puppycakes with 290, Chicken Fried Butt Sex with 150(owed a foot), Dead Peter Beater 80,  Poop Chute Recruit 70, and Fisted Sister with 20.  Other White Meat drank for being missed on her 10th.  Pixel Dick was honored with for 99 runs.  Freeballer was the OGR award winner and Stinky Pinky won the Hash Shit for her repeated use of Christian names and pointing.  Bleeden Semen was the returner.  We had two virgins and trail was falsely accused of being shitty.  There were 4 beer stops so how can that be shitty.
298		The weather was a bit on the wet side and there was a danger of drowning between beer stops.  This didn't stop a few brave souls as we enjoyed cold beer and a sucky trail.  Puppycakes scaled back the magnificent 3 mile run that was planned.  It had the makings of a wonderful run.  What transpired instead was a better run which for some reason still sucked.  Total distance covered, 60 yards, beer stops 1, FRB was Dead Peter Beater, DFL was baglady, Bridesmaid was a tie between about 7 people.  The highlander enjoyed our patronage and we had $5 pitchers until the money ran dry.
297		Chicken Fried Butt Sex gathered us up in Eisenhower Park and ran us between the canal and the river just long enough so that someone could snare him.  It was a good trail until he was spied through the trees and the hounds started cutting him off.  At the end he had some co-hares as Freeballer was able to help laying down the boob checks and Poop Chute Recruit finished with some chalk drawings at the end.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex received the hash shit for his effort.  We had 4 virgins and as luck would have it, 4 plungers for them to suck from.  Bone Diggler and Bloody Stool celebrated their 10th runs as so did Spud Muncher with 30 and Queen LaQueefa with 120.  We had some returners as Spud Muncher, Spank my Spuds, and Fisted Sister had been gone for some time.  Pig F*cker came all the way from New York to hash with us or at least he was here so what the hell.Pixel Dick challenged the hash to check for tighty whities and at the last minute, through some careful narc'ing, he was saved.  Spud Muncher was the FRB and Poop Chute was DFL.  No Name Rhett was named as he hit his 6th run.  He shall now and forever be known as "Tara my Ass Up".  There was a good showing at the on after which was at Teresa's.
296		The following was provided by Pixel Dick: We were one of the 1st to arrive and had to break into the beer meister's truck to get a beer because he was no where to be found.  Soon after the crowd gathered.  And what a crowd it was.  there were 30 of us if you count the 2 @ 4 legged hashers (dogs).  The total included 5 virgins.     As usual when Poop Chute Recruit hares (or fails to show up to hare), the chalk talk was late and we got a late start hashing.  As luck would have it while the hares were away and the hounds waited impatiently for 10 minutes to pass, one of Richmond County's finest circled the parking lot next to the one we occupied making some of the more observant hashers nervous.   Finally the hounds were away and we were off on a much too long first leg of the run.  We ran through the neighboring subdivision to what would seem like a dead end.  However, it was discovered that the trail lead through some poor schmucks yard (can you say "private property" a hash no no?) causing the already nervous hounds to become more nervous.     If that wasn't bad enough, we were soon ran through a homeless person's kitchen.  Poop Chute later proclaimed this to be a miracle as he had just run out of hash as he got to the homeless person's pantry.  He then stole all of the instant mashed potatoes he could carry and was off again littering the countryside with a white powdery substance.   This leg of the trail ended at Robby's Sports Pub, the one known for cheap beer, poor air conditioning, and under age drinking.    The second leg of the trail proved interesting as well.  We ran back past the starting point where we noticed a 2nd Richmond County cruiser staking out our soon to be down-down location.  Needless to say, the already very nervous hounds were driven to near panic.  This caused them to run even faster.  I myself, was described as walking "briskly" ( a near record pace for me).  Thus co-hare Stinky Pinky was snared on her way to a mosquito infested cesspool where we had our 2nd beer stop.  It was noted at the down-down that this stop was right across the street from an air conditioned bar that has cheap beer and free chips and salsa (proven at the on after).     Since the hare snarer was too chicken (fried) to take over as hare, the original hares were off again. Only to be snared again, this time both hares were snared.  However, for those that were paying attention,  a trail with no decision point had a YBF.  Once trail was found again, it once again lead through private property and required the scaling of fences (my testicles will never be the same).  The poorly marked trail lead back to near the starting point in the Cue and Brew bar.  Finally, cheap beer AND air conditioning.    Once the beer was gone, we dashed across the road to the finish line.  It was marked with some marking that was not explained at the chalk talk (boob check) for which the hares were punished during the circle.  Dead Peter Beater made the non-competitive hash a competition and was FRB.  Bag Lady once again the Bridesmaid, and Add a Dick 2 Me (I think) won the newly created DFL award.     The Circle was uneventful with the exception of no-name Tony doing a no-Name Heidi impression and throwing his empty beer cans all around. And, it extended almost so long as to not be able to get food at the On After.      The Poorly attended On After was on the Big Deck at Theresa's.  The cheerful waitress greeted me with "we're closing in 10 minutes" when I told her there might be 20 of us (lucky for her only about half that number showed).  However, the never say die No-Name Preston barged in an pressured management in to letting us in for food and beverage.  this lasted until closing time when Dead Peter Beater entertained the restaurant staff earning herself a coveted "size matters" t-shirt.
295		Poop Chute Recruit missed his haring and his cohare, Stinky Pinky stepped up to hare.  She took along no name Tiffany and Fecal Handler so she could share the blame of a bad trail.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex snared them prior to the 3rd beer stop.  Stinky Pinky stopped to talk on the phone and all the hares were snared.  Poop Chute won the Hash shit for missing his haring destiny.  The virgins proved that two can drink out of one bedpan as we were short a plunger.  Pussy.cum's virgin stole one so she must suffer.  We had some Teners as Hershey Highway had 40, Freeballer had 20, and Bleeden Semen had 10.  Lots of accusations in the circle helped depleat the cooler.  Note to hash, trails are better if we have flour.........................................
294		Dead Peter Beater and Dances with Balls took us on a merry run through the abandoned houses around Dances With Balls' home turf.  It was a good bit of shiggy and if you were on trail , an excellent opportunity to pull a tick or two from your person.  We got to climb fences, run across busy highways, climb under bridges, and if you were keeping score, "add a dick to me" even got to row out into the middle of a pond to retrieve beer.  All in all  it sucked a tremendous amount of  you know what.  We had a naming or two as no name Maria is now "clam diggler" and no name Greg is now "Pukes when he Comes".  No idea who came in when as some drank for the honor but mostly we all watched add a dick to me strand herself in the middle of the pond while we drank.  We had plenty of virgins to sacrifice and Bleeden Semen and Can't Talk Gotta Pee wandered in from the cold to be returners.  Dead Peter Beater received her 75th run foot for showing up 75 times.........................
293		Dead Peter Beater and Freeballer started us off from the 11th and Ellis parking lot.  Much beer was consumed and trail sucked to be sure.  Way to many package checks.  Beer stops were the Pizza Joint and the Playground.  We had a pack of 27 which grew to 28 once we picked up our long lost hasher, Buttflap.  We had 7 virgins which kept the plungers really busy.  The Hash shit award went to Butt Flap for his getting caught downtown and not being at the hash.  Dances with Balls won the OGR award and drank a whole lot of beer out of the bed pan.  We had two namings.  No Name Vicki will now and forever be known as "Tater Tit".  No Name Cammie will now and forever be known as "Add a Dick to Me".  Spud Muncher was the FRB, Add a Dick to Me was the Bride's Maid, and Poop Chute Recruit may have been the DFL.
292		We had 3 hares, Dead Peter Beater, Pixel Dick, Freeballer.  They started us from the parking lot of the Backyard tavern and took us across Belair Road numerous times.  The first beer stop found us in an abandoned house, the second found us in a sewer ditch, the third found us in a cemetary, the fourth most didn't find.  The trail had a checkback 6,000,000 and the hounds zened through the woods.  upon arriving at the end point, there was no reason to go looking for the beercheck as there was already a finishline, boob and dick check drawn out.  Can you say prelayed endpoint?  Upon the hares arrival, they were properly snared.  Must todo was made about it but in the end the hash shit award went to those deserving hares, Freeballer to be precise (checkback 6,000,000).  We had some virgins and a naming as no name Lucky will now be known as Bone Diggler.  Dirt Diggler has a new family member.
291		We started at the Wheeler Road Tavern where Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Freeballer led us on a merry chase through as much shiggy as was available plus  4 times across Wheeler road in case anyone had a deathwish. We had a good turnout with 23 hashers at the start and a couple more joining us at the end.  We saw No Name Vicki show up in time to give input on No Name Dan's naming.  He will and forever be known as "Bloody Stool".  We saw Spud Muncher at the end also.  The gates of hell opened up just a wee bit and Satan pinched a loaf and Priest Fodder appeared once more among us.  It was good to see his sorry mug which appears to also be a newly married mug.  Congrats to him and the one women he never brought to the hash.  He was able to tell us that one of our other lost hashers, Touch My Monkey, was a new father.  Congrats to him also.  We also had another naming as No Name Ron will forever be referred to as "Dances with Balls".  Baglady and Fecal Handler were teners, Sodomize my Hussein showed up after a 6 month absence to be a returner with Fecal Handler.  We had 3 virgins sucking out of plungers and the rest of the pack put a hurtin on the cooler.  The run of course sucked and was topped off by a vast left wing conspiracy which left Puppycakes holding the hash shit award.
290		We shitcanned our annual green jacket run around the pretentious Master's area in favor of a hash pub crawl in the sleazy downtown district.  It suits us better.  We started at the playground, moved to the underground, then off to the highground (eagle's nest).  After a long and arduous hike we grouped up at the Pourhouse where we basically started going our own ways.  Some hashers were able to get some free food at this point due to some sort of private party we were semi-crashing.
289		Freeballer took us on a trip through the Shiggy.  We started our epic adventure at the Backyard Tavern.  Right off the bat we were entertained by a pair of cop cars harassing a motorist which of course curtailed proper drinking and debauchery.  Trail then took us to the newest of Augusta's mexican restaurants where the Cervesa was cold.  For some strange reason we had to cut through the shiggy and thorns to run past Freeballers house so he could point out there was no beer there.  We ended up near a crucified (yes I said crucified) lifesize Chucky doll.  After that we abandoned perfectly good pathways to stray into the shiggy to drink more beer.  In the end Freeballer was snared by the FRB, Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  The hare should not try and go back and adjust trail after hashers have finished even if they are boob checks................
288		Run 288 was led by the team of Dead Peter Beater and Stinky Pinky.  Luckily they were plenty intoxicated so the trail didn't totally suck.  We did have some steep inclines that only a drunk would dare do in the dark.  We also visited all of the abandoned houses in a mile radius of Target.  Most don't even know they exist.  There was a slight problem with the beer stops as the hares supplied us with the "Beast".  We earned better than that.  Also if you are ever wandering aimlessly in the area behind the limelight, call Stinky Pinky.  When her phone rings, go pick it up and give it back to her.  We named no name Sean after his neighborhood eating establishment and his rectal yearnings, he shall now and forever be known as "corporal assoline".  The hares won the hash shit for the beer quality and Puppycakes was the FRB.  Poop Chute Recruit was probably DFL.  No Name Abi was the Bride's maid.
287		Chicken Fried Butt Sex was up to his usual devious self as we weaved and bobbed through the downtown area.  No Name Dan was the FRB, Baglady the Bridesmaid, Pixel Dick the DFL.  No Name Sean was the OGR award winner.  Pussy.cum was allowed to retain ownership of the hash shit as it never made it on trail.  Pixel was relieved to find out his beloved Packer hat was safe but he lost his phone ON TRAIL prior to that.  No Name Kelly will for now and ever be known as "Other White Meat".
286		Freeballer lead us on a short romp in the freezing cold that started and ended at the Cue and Brew pub.  It was shorter due to the warm weather that we weren't having.  We had a few returners as no name Sean and Can't Talk returned.  Puppycakes was the FRB, Dead Peter Beater the bridesmaid, and Poop Chute Recruit was the DFL. No Name Sean found a hole in the trail to try and break his leg in.  Beer seemed to numb the pain.  Take the whole 3 inches Bitch is leaving us for Texas after just recently joining us.  On  on to him............
285		Was a mismanagement gathering at Teresa's on Boy Scout Road.  Organized hares for the upcoming month and killed our livers.
284		Twas an excellent trail laid out by Puppycakes and Freeballer and as usual, went unappreciated.  We had returners, virgins, and visiting hashers to welcome in the circle.  The first beer stop was Greenstreets where scoundrels stashed the hash bags.  Luckily Fisted Sister was sympathetic to the plight of the hash and the possibility of no more beer stops and dimed out Poop Chute Recruit.  As Fisted Sister was on the hare's side and Poop Chute wanted to carry the flour bags, both were made honorary hares for purpose of down downs.  The FRB was Fisted Sister but since he was an honorary hare, Dead Peter Beater was FRB.  The Bridesmaid was our new join, Take the Whole 3" Bitch, The DFL was Pixel Dick's virgin no name Heidi.  There was no hashshit or OGR award given.  We did have a pimp come by with different colored cigar tubes.  Each tube color represented the color of his Ho in his stable.  3 blacks, a white, and an indian.   No  one purchased cigars this go round.  We wish him better luck next time.  Freeballer left his prized beer mug at the second beer stop and had to throw himself and his fellow hares on the mercy of the pack.  The beer was cold is all I can say about that.  Pooper Scooper returned and requested to be renamed.  We now refer to her by her scooperless name, Fecal Handler.
283		It was the virgin haring of Fisted Sister and who once was no name Nicole but will now and forever be known as Pussy.cum.  Trail sucked as usual.  It wasn't particularly difficult so we got lost periodically.  Some waded through mud while others climbed hills in search of flour.  The hares brought a virgin who helped them put in the 3 beer stops so no name Bryce was a pseudo hare.  There was a healthy crop of virgins and some returners to boot.  Can't Talk was awarded the Ogre award for his timely urination (you can set a clock by it, or at least the second hand).  Pussy.cum was awarded the hash shit for her purchasing of cider at the beer stop.  Someone was FRB, as well as DFL and Bridesmaid.  The real news was Freeballer wearing a virgin chalice on his ass and parading around the circle.  If you don't understand this last statement, you don't hash enough.  The reigns to the beer meistering have been passed to Hardly Ever Comes as Jizz Mop will be taking a break from the duties.
282		Freeballer had a shindig at his home and all were drunk and all were fed.  There was a chalk talk but it took all the flour so there was no trail.  The hash did trek through the shiggy to the backyard bar on Belair.  The cirle welcomed the returners and virgins.
281		Seldom Ben F*cked grabbed Freeballer to help hare as Dirt Diggler was off and about elsewhere.  Poop Chute Recruit aided as a cohare.............  Trail sucked as does all trail.  There was distance and hills and it lasted until 9:30.  The on after was a no go due to 10:00 being the time Augusta rolls in the sidewalks on Wednesday.  Limpy the Wonder Worm made a stop by on his way to Korea.  He was good enough to also be the FRB.  PoopChute decided that Puppycakes was the DFL even though he arrived in the middle of the pack.  Bridesmaid was no name Jay our virgin of the evening.  Depends made a brief trip in for a run as he and Limpy were returners.  Poop Chute got his 50 run foot as he broke his 25th and lost his lanyard.  It should also be noted that Limpy the Wonder Worm is leaving us to spend time with his wife, Goes Down Deep.  Another PeachFuzz success story...............
280		Pixel Dick started us out from the parking lot of Electrolux, near Bobby Jones.  We might have to rethink starting from there.  Columbia Counties finest was there when we started and pulled in as we were leaving.  It is very lit up and has a security rent a cop patrolling.  Now lets talk about trail.  It sucked of course.  Pixel's crowning achievement was throwing a true trail that pointed through a fence, containment pond, and beyond.  It never even crossed the fence and ended up as a decision point at the end of the fence in a totally different direction than the arrow pointed.  There were a couple times where the trail was left in wet grass and not very visible.  At least we had beer 3 times, but wait, one stop was a cooler of the beast...............Puppycakes was FRB, Freeballer was DFL, and Seldom Ben F*cked was the Bridesmaid.  Dead Peter Beater won back the hash shit for having phone on trail and talking on it the whole hash and onafter. Bleeden Semen was a returner.
279		Hardly Ever Comes and Hershey Highway laid a trail that started from behind the old Mally's bagel joint and miraculously found us back there but two beer stops later.  Jizz Mop was the FRB as he got lost and missed a beer stop.  Freeballer was the Bridesmaid and Pixel Dick was the DFL.  The hashshit passed from Dead Peter Beater to I seldom ben f*cked.  He was tormenting us with his camera flash.  Puppycakes was a tener with 270.  Hardly received the coveted sparkling mug for his 25th haring.  Hershey was a virgin hare which escaped us but we got her for her fine color coordinated pink outfit.  Limpy the Wonder Worm dropped by to let us know that he was alive and we found out that he and Goes Down Deep were now married.  Another successful hash sponsored union of a man and a woman.
278		Jizz Mop and Chicken Fried Butt Sex dragged us around town in reckless abandon.  The first part of trail was a lengthy check back that got us back to the beginning.  The second leg lost a  hounds  along the way as the pack got separated and didn't fully join until the ceremony.  FRB was Freeballer, No Name Kellie was the Bridesmaid.  No Name Stefanie was the DFL.  Dead Peter Beater was a returner and she had the OGR award.  To top it all off, DPB won the Hash shit award.  Can't Talk was a tener with 140 runs.  Puppycakes was a 69'er with 269.  No Name Stefanie was named to "Stinky Pinky".  No Name Ben was named "I seldom Ben f*cked"
277		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Dirt Diggler started us from the Boyscout Road Teresa's in the frigid cold and we ran a little loop, climbed a fence and found ourselves back at Teresa's.  No one seemed to mind so we had the ceremony inside while feasting on chips and beer.  There happened to be some police there so we were encouraged to be low key.
276		Hardly Ever Comes started us off on Ellis and had us roaming around by 15th street, the levee,and a scary time around the Baptist church complex (fort).  His goal was more beer and less stops.  Beer math never works.
275		Pixel Dick took us on a zig zag course which featured more beer than distance.  Some interesting misdirection but that was soon forgotten over the efforts of some hashers to sing karoke.  Pixel Dick got the hash shit for losing his precious packers hat on trail.  It was returned with lice intact.  No name Stephanie was awarded cohare honors as she purchased the beverage of choice when she met up with the hash at beer stop #3.  FRB was Fingered By You for not going to beerstop #4.  Had 3 virgins and a naming.  No Name Pablo finally got his 6th run after a couple of years of trying.  He will now and forever be known as Blowpop......
274		Puppycakes led the hash on the annual Christmas Run which started at the Highlander and crossed over to Augusta and back.  Puppycakes won the hash shit for his troubles.  Freeballher was FRB, Queefa Sniffer was bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was DFL.  The complaint from the hash was there was too much beer...............alas, a perfect run...................
273		Chicken Fried Butt Sex got sick and Puppycakes stepped in to lead a small pack on a perfect trail.  Best A to B run ever (8 feet long).  Real cold out but the on after was warm.
272		Poop Chute Recruit started us off from a dirt parking lot that was somewhat close to Wheeler Road but near beer so we endured.  The trail was fairly lame as it only went from beer to beer.  Good thing there was beer.  The hare had great difficulty in identifying the award winners and won the Hash Shit award for his efforts.  He also earned us a visit from the cops as the trail went through Geseppe's (sp?) and they sicked the law on us.  No harm done but the hare should not invite a cop to the run without letting the rest of the hash know.  Pixel Dick was a 75th runner and Dead Peater Beater got her 60th.  No Name Chad is forever blessed with a proper hash name and will now go by the moniker of "Fisted Sister".  He had too much info which made naming him a bitch.  For future reference, Indigo Joe is a bit pricey on their pitchers and Geseppe's Pizza joint don't like us running through their parking lot.
271		Pixel Dick laid a sucky course full of shiggy and bad trails.  Plenty of beer and the on-after was right where we parked.  Pixel received his 75th run foot.  The awards were held in lieu of there only being 4 hounds.  Further Saturday runs will have to be RSVP prior to being put on the schedule as Saturday seems to be a busy day for everyone.
270		Location=11th and Ellis; Hare=Chicken Fried Butt SexA cold run with a long and shitty trail, saved only by the kind bartenders renting out the blessed nectar.  The FRB was Dirt Diggler who also celebrated his 40th run.  Hardly Ever Comes was the Bridesmaid, The DFL was Can't Talk Gotta Pee who almost got caught going over yet another fence.  The returner was Puppycakes.  We had a visitor from Okinawa's hash, I'm Ur Bitch.  We also named no name Hugh who shall from now on be called: Bleeden Semen.  The on-after was at Teresa's and Poop Chute beat us all there so we sat in smoking................
269		Hash 269 began at Poop Chute Recruit's home. Trail was great (hare's opinion) with 3 beer stops and an on-after at the Limelite Cafe. No Name Chad was DFL.
268		Run 268 was a fiasco from the start and then got worse. The beermister,  did not show up with the beer. Pixel Dick stepped up to the plate and became the impromptu provider of beer.  To make matters worse the hare,  did not bring any standard hash materials (flour) and in a departure from wisdom, decided to use dead grass clippings as hash markings. To bad the trail started in shiggy.  If it had not been for the superior Zen of Can't Talk, we would have been lost on trail for ever.  The terrain behind 8 Tracks is more rugged than you would think and the barbed wire fence was formidable and will be remembered by all. Can't Talk was temporaily susspended at the top with shorts caught on the wire and leaning forward both arms behind. Had to jump and ripped the shorts. Poops virgin, No Name Stephanie, scaled the fence using a tree as leverage and was impressive.  Regretfully we had one casualty as no-name Hugh impaled himself on a fence pole and had to go to hospital for stitches. Some how he seriiously cut the palm of his hand on that fence and left immeadiatly for the ER. The trail led back to 8 Tracks and the hounds mutinied and called an early end to the run.. We paid for beer but there was none on trail.Poops virgin was the FRB.  We on aftered at the Dog House and we all agreed that Poop should receive the Hash Shit Award and no name Hugh should be named at the next hash due to the gashed hand. Can't remember an ER case in our run history. A  tentative list was made to help at the naming.  We had one virgin (no name Stephanie) who was our FRB and Pixel Dick was both Bridesmaid and DFL. In a brilliant blaze of efficiency, the down-down and the on after were combined at the Doghouse as to not make us late for watching football.Hare Rebuttal Hash 268 began at 8Trax at 1130am Things had to be improvised as Jizz Mop (The intended Beermeister) did not show.At that point he seemed like the likely winner of the hash shit award. Luckily, Pixel went to the store and delivered the beverages of choice - But NO flour or chalk. So, as hare, I used a bag of grass clippings for hash and proceeded to lead the hounds through shiggy from the start. At that point of course, I believe I was being considered for the HS award. However, No name Hugh ultimately won the honor and a trip to the hospital by gashing his hand on the fence that everyone else managed to climb without injury. The first and only beer stop was back at the starting point so everyone decided to on-after at the Dawg House in Martinez.
267		Hash 267 was to begin at the marina but was interrupted by the fine friendly hash hating Richmond County Sheriff's Dept.before it even started. In response, all attending hashers moved to the Pizza Joint (The One and ONLY Beer Stop) for some beverage of choice. We then conducted the on-after at 1102 for some more Beer and bad karaoke which we helped to create. Then if memory serves some even went to the Playground for more bad karaoke. That Pixel Dick is quite the singing sensation!
266		Hardly Ever Comes led us on a chase down the greenway in North Augusta and doubled back on us.  Trail was very close to crossing many times.   Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB, no name Chad was bridesmaid, and Dead Peter Beater was DFL.  The hash shit was awarded to the Spuds for not showing up but being seen in town on or about the time of the hash.  There were some awards given out as we had some over due teners, new ones, and even a 69.
265		Puppycakes led a run that started at the Highlander but actually started at the Cotton Patch location.    North Augusta was having a man hunt and the police were out in force.  They were camping out in all of our popular beer stops.  The hash relocated as the folks being hunted were in the woods where the hash was going to be running.  Upon relocating to the Cotton Patch area, the cop in the golf cart finally pissed on our parade by telling us he didn't want us drinking there any more.  Time will tell how we deal with that one................  Best spot? Gone forever? The run was once again, excellent beyond compare unless you ask the hounds who say it sucked once again.  It had a bit more distance as old trail had to be skirted where ever possible.  Queenie Sniffer was FRB, virgin was Bridesmaid and Dirt Diggler was DFL.  Hershey Highway had the OGR award but didn't actually drink from it in our haste to escape detection from authorities.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee (130) and Pixel Dick (70) are teners.  The hash found the wayward Buttflap at Taresa's during the on-after.  Now that he is freed from the democratic propaganda machine, he can hash again.
264		Chicken Fried Butt Sex hosted a costume party at his home and a few hashers found their way there:CFBS (highlander/scifi warrier),  Queen La Queefa (miss liberty), Fingered Bayou (spiderman), Leave it to Cleavage (geisha), Hershey Highway (cowgirl), Dirt Diggler ( jesuit monk), Puppycakes (cheerleader), Baglady (spectre), Pixel Dick (dark robed), Dead Peter Beater (bride of chuckie), Hardly Ever Comes (60/70s), Jizz Mop (cableguy), Dirt Diggler (hasher), Erectile Phobia (hasher) Pixel Dick was a 69'er, Queen La Queefa (110), Jizz Mop (120), Hershey Highway (30) were teners.  All owe a trip to the circle.
263		4th annual red dress run has come and gone.  We filled the streets with finely dressed ladies of questionable sexual persuasion.  Puppycakes took us on a merry chase that allowed the hashers to either perspire or "glisten".  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was a tener with 130.  Udderly Delicious made it to 25 runs.  No Name Tracy was named in honor of her credible talents and will forever be known as "Leave it to Cleavage".  The FRB was Pixel Dick, The DFL was Dirt Diggler, and the Bridesmaid was JizzMop. All received a doll in full red dress regala. Poop Chute Recruit won for most likely to be picked up.  Leave it to Cleavage won for sluttiest female.  Pixel Dick won for most likely to be Bubba's girlfriend in prison.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex won for least red dress spirit and received a doll, he wore a kilt.  Queen LaQueefa won the OGR award.  The hash shit was given out to a special hasher to be named later.  The run was believed to be shitty and the hare drank accordingly.
262		Chicken Fried Butt Sex took us on a trail that wasn't a trail using markings that didn't exist which of course caused competition to exist.  The hounds broke down into 3 teams and were following clues all over the downtown Augusta area.  No markings to speak of.  Team one was Can't talk Gotta Pee, Queen LaQueefa, and Baglady, Team two was Jizz Mop, Udderly Delicious, and Dead Peter Beater.  Team three was Puppycakes, Pixel Dick, and Poop Chute Recruit.  After many a wild goose chase, Team 3 arrived at the blessed beer stops first.  Udderly Delicious joined team 3 to provide moral support.  The OGR award went to Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  FRB was Puppycakes, Bridesmaid was Baglady, and DFL was Udderly Delicious.  For causing competition to happen which brings on sweat, the hare was found to have laid a shitty trail and drank accordingly.
261		Hardly Ever Comes led us from the traditional Cotton Patch area starting point and meandered through the downtown area, denying us beer for as long as was humanly possible.  Our first beer stop found us at Nacho Mamas where one of our globetrotting hashers, Gags on the Bone, was there to greet us.  The FRB was Jizz Mop, the Bride's Maid was Queen LaQueefa, and the DFL was Poop Chute Recruit.  The new recipient of the HashShit award was Hardly Ever Comes for making us wait so f**king long for beer at the first beer stop.  The OGR award bounced around before it came to rest on Poop Chute Recruits able shoulders.  We had some returners back from what can only be discribed as forever.....  Back Door Princess came back and was a #50 hasher, Smell My Puppy came back and it was his #40, MI Passing Glass came back in time for us to say farewell as he is moving to the DC area and can hash with those wankers.  Dead Peter Beater had her 50th run tonight, Baglady had her 240th, and Poop Chute Recruit hit #40 also.  We tried our 2nd beer stop out for the on-after and it had some decent food.
260		Jizz Mop and Queen LaQueefa led a run that featured all of the 100 run hashers plus a brand new virgin.  They started us from the parking lot of the 8-Tracks bar.  The first decision point led us to either a long and well marked YBF or to a less well marked true trail.  Needless to say we wandered around on the bad trail for quite a while where we eventually lost our virgin and Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  4 ended up at the beerstop which was less than began.  Everybody drank one at the circle for various awards or for shitty trail.
259		Can't Talk Gotta Pee laid a trail of dispair as we searched for beer.  Dead Peter Beater assisted as did Hardly Ever Comes when he grabbed the flour they left at the beer stop.  His trail was much easier to follow.  Trail ended at a friend of Can't Talk's who cooked hot dogs for the hash and we ended there in some very lush grass.  We treated the half dozen on-lookers to a typical down down and had them do one in the circle for shits and giggles.  The Ogr award still resides with Dead Peter Beater.  Hardly Ever Comes received his 150 run foot.  We had one virgin on trail and 6 more at the finish.
258		Puppycakes stood in for Spud Muncher who chose work and a paycheck over hashing.  Talk about lame.......... The trail started from the highlander parking lot and ended in the pub.  Along the way, the hounds were treated to a few carefully planted beers that were marked for a certain numbered runner to consume.  About a dozen in all.  With the beer and the hills, it made for a happy atmosphere and an almost constant threat of beer environment.  Spud Muncher was voted the Hash shit for his failure to produce a run.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Can't Talk Gotta Pee was the bridesmaid, and Dirt Diggler was the DFL.  Dead Peter Beater was the first to suffer the new OGR award.
257		Chicken Fried Butt Sex hared a football theme run where trail involved football handoffs at various locations on the run.  The one in the end with the ball of course had to drink.  This caused all sorts of effort on the part of the hashers to stay ahead of the football.  Java Spooge ventured down from Savannah and hashed with us once again (returner).  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Java Spooge was the bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was the DFL but was repreaved by the zenning wenches:  Dead Peter Beater and Spank My Spuds.  Trail was dry as the hurricane decided to not screw with us.  If Hardly Ever Comes had hared, such would not have been the case.  Spud Muncher celebrated his 25th run and received his hash beer opener.
256		Puppycakes hared from the parking lot near Walton house (canal).  We had a few kayakers to deal with but still managed to get some parking.  Trail was a bit long and bad trails were numerous.  The ungracious hounds thought it sucked a mite but that is normal.  We encountered some rather poor singing at Green Streets and Poop Chute Recruit added his effort to the racket.  Jizz Mop was FRB, Dirt Diggler was Bride's Maid, and Poop Chute Recruit was DFL.  Puppycakes was the only tener as this was his 250th  hash with the peach fuzz.  The on after tried out the California Cafe on Steven's Creek and it didn't suck.
255		Hardly Ever Comes led us on the 3rd annual back to school run that started over by the 6th street tracks.  We weaved our way through 3 beer stops as professor Hardly assigned tasks on trail.  Trail had us picking up crap and hopping in fountains less we drink at the down down.  The Playground was featuring a shooter called a "hall pass" which was apropo for our run.  Spud Muncher was FRB, Jizz Mop was the bridesmaid, and Hershey Highway was DFL.  Dead Peter Beater received the hash shit award for yet again forgetting the award.  Spud Muncher was the acting beer meister as Pixel Dick's truck is sick.
254		Chicken Fried Butt Sex took us on a trail full of checkbacks.  We started at the Cotton Patch and twisted and turned our way for a mile or so until we were back at the cotton patch for our first beer stop.  Parking garages and parking ramps were in good supply.  Jizz Mop was FRB, Hardly Ever Comes was Bridesmaid, and No Name Tracy was DFL.  Dead Peter Beater kept her hash shit award since that is the way Mr. Hanky would have wanted it.  Her pet skunk (Mr. Hanky/hasher in good standing) decided he ate his fill of comet cleanser and should move on.  We had one tener which was Jizz Mop with 110 runs.  There were 2 virgins and Fingered Bayou, No Name Tracy, and Brown eye'd Starfish were returners.
253		Can't Talk Gotta Pee took us way further than we planned to go before we got our next beer.  We started at Oldenberg's parking lot and ended up by the railroad tracks near the Elks on RiverWatch and Fury's Ferry before we had beer.  He almost received the hash shit for such nonsense.  But as luck would have it, Dead Peter Beater got to keep it for failing to actually run with it.  Poop Chute Recruit got to share in it by, in a fit of defiance towards probable smoking bans and authority figures, put his cigarette out in a bar by utilizing Puppycakes elbow.  Jizz Mop was the bridesmaid, Poop Chute Recruit was DFL, and Spud Muncher was FRB.  Tinki Winki, Udderly Delicious, and Erectile Phobia were the returners.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex (120), Pixel Dick (60), Spank My Spuds (50), Fluffer (20), and Erectile Phobia (10) were the teners.  We said a maybe good bye to Fluffer and Tinki Winki as they will be leaving the area soon.  We wished Hardly Ever Comes a happy birthday as he will be older than dirt in a day.  We had a good turn out with 15 hashers.
252		Dead Peter Beater and Pixel hared again but this time from the Target shopping area.  Trail sucked a bit as it might from time to time.  We never wanted for beer as we visited Logan's, Roma's and the great outdoors.  FRB was Poop Chute Recruit.  Bridesmaid was Queen La Queefa.  DFL was Baglady.  Dead Peter Beater retained her hash shit award for failing to run with it.    There were rum jello shooters in honor of what would have been OGR's birthday.  The hash signed a  birthday and get well balloon and sent them aloft so OGR can read them.  Queen La Queefa and Baglady spent most of the run locked together as they were hauling around the front end of a Mazda that they found on trail.
251		Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick took us on a trip along the canal.  The scenery was nice as we visited the falls and pond area.  The trail was good up to the first decision point which was not anywhere to be found, from there it sucked a wee bit.  Plenty of cold beer which is the best you can say about beer stops with Schlitz.  Dead Peter Beater was a shoe in for the hashshit award.  JizzMop was FRB.  Lickin Poopie was DFL, Puppycakes and Chicken Fried Butt Sex tied for 3rd which eliminated 4th place.  The hares were in disagreement.  Weekend hashes may be curtailed if involvement doesn't pick up.
250		The hash has made it to 250 runs.  Puppycakes took us on an excellent 2 state romp reminiscent of a Priest Fodder run and received the hash shit award for his efforts.  Pixel Dick was the FRB, No Name Jason was the Bridesmaid, and Dead Peter Beater was the DFL.  We had one virgin and one visiting hasher who will try and make more runs(Drooling Banjos).  The run started easy with the first leg only going 2/3 the way around the highlander and in for the first beer stop.  The second beer stop was a bit different as it was at Green Streets.  The last beer stop was at the Pizza Joint.  Everyone was well exercised as Puppycakes resurrected the demon of Priest Fodder to commemorate the 250th run.
249		Poop Chute Recruit took us from the 8-Tracks back parking lot, to the T-Bone, Robbies, and Famous Dave's beer stops.  Trail as usual sucked.  Dead Peter Beater was a tener with 40 runs.  She also got the hash shit for losing it on trail.  The hare won all the awards as his math was skewed counting runners.  He lost some of the pack at the last beer stop.  No Name Shannon was named Pooper Scooper.  It could have been much worse.  Jizzes on Tits had his name pulled as one of his sponsors pulled their naming support.  She shall now be known once again as No Name Emma.  She is a dog.  Pixel Dick once again proved that he can find the cheapest beer in Augusta as our hash coolers were full of it.  We had one virgin, a returner, and 3 visitors.  Our virgin had a cop follow her all the way to the beer truck.  The hasher's had to go thirsty until the issue was resolved.  The hash got some hash hats and new bottle openers that sold like hot cakes and will have to reorder.
248		Run #248 was a hash night out at the 8-Tracks bar.  The hash enjoyed some free drinks, free food, Trivia with more free drinks, $5 and then $3 pitchers, and even a hula hoop contest where the hasher women fared none too well.  Tit-Tanic, Prairie Ho, and Pixel Dick proved they had the least to live for as they whipped ass in the trivia contest.  Jizz Mop and Queen La Queefa received their miniture hash flags as they both recorded their 100th run.   We also had a renaming as Monkey's Aireola was renamed "Resuscitate This".  Good name/job for a nurse.  Resuscitate This also hit the 25 run mark.  Satan's Spunk Dumpster was a tener with 30 runs.It was a good turn out as 40 hashers showed.  Some on the list didn't make an appearance but virgins more than made up for them.  Pixel Dick danced about 5 pounds of beer off of his studly frame and Can't Talk Gotta Pee had his Mac Daddy mojo flowing on the dance floor as well.  Once Spud Muncher finds rhythm, he'll be a force to be reckoned with also.  All in all the bar was very pleased with our business and would love us back.  They just don't know us well enough yet.  Baglady did a fine job of haring this non-running event.
247		Chicken Fried Butt Sex started us out from the Cotton Patch location, YBF'd and backtracked where half of the hounds never were on trail.  Dead Peter Beater received the HashShit award for laying false trail as a lost hound.  Queen LaQueefa was FRB, JizzMop was Bridesmaid, and Udderly Delicious was the DFL.  Fingered Bayou was a tener.
NA		(4 July) Hardly Ever Comes opened up his house to the hash as we drank beer and grilled dead meat.  Later we wandered over to the berm, along the river, and watched almost 20 minutes of fireworks.  We managed to feed quite a few needy mosquitoes along the way.  14 hashers, 3 dogs, and 3 no names were in attendance.
NA		2 July was the date of On Golden Rug's funeral and it was well attended by the Hash.  20 Hashers in all were able to pay their respects to OGR as we bid him farewell.
246		Hardly Ever Comes hared yet another flood condition hash.  Since he is the religious advisor, he of course deserves all blame.  We had a rum shot stop in honor of On Golden Rug.  OGR liked rum, but not the cheap rot gut we got.  Lighter Fluid would have been a better vintage.  The run never even crossed Broad Street, nor did it even make it that far south.  We kept zig-zagging around Reynolds Street.  Truth be told the run sucked and was saved only by the 3 beverage stops.  Poop Chute Recruit was the FRB, Udderly Delicious was the Bridesmaid, and Pixel Dick was DFL.  Udderly Delicious earned the hashshit award by suggesting we reduce the amount of swearing in our songs.   Me thinks it was a ploy to win the award........  We had quite a few teners with Udderly Delicious having 20 runs, Poop Chute Recruit having 30 runs, Hardly Ever Comes having 140 runs, and Puppycakes having 240 runs.  The hash drank numerous toasts to OGR with our final one resulting in our dumping beer on our heads.  We had 3 virgins, one was Dead Peter Beaters pet skunk, Mr. Hanky.  The total proceeds from the hash, along with donations will go to the family of OGR.
245		The hash got a whole lot of bad news prior to the run.  We lost one of our own.  From what we are told, On Golden Rug passed away in his sleep.  OGR will be missed and his memory will live on in the hash.  Those members present voted in a new hash award in memory of OGR.  It will be the pissing on trail award.  Anyone caught pissing on trail will run with the award and can not relinquish it until they catch another hasher pissing on trail.  The run was scaled back by Puppycakes to an A to B run with the first beer stop being the finish.  JizzMop was FRB, Hardly Ever Comes was Bridesmaid, and Udderly Delicious was the DFL.  The hash drank a toast to OGR in the Highlander.
244		The hash got a bit of a late start with the beer truck running behind schedule.  Poop Chute Recruit laid a trail that took us to three bars and got some of the pack lost more than once.  At one point there was a decision point that measured at least 15 feet across.  We hashed the Target area and no one got run over so all is well.  The FRB was Dead Peter Beater, the bridesmaid was no name Barbie, and the DFL was Udderly Delicious.  The hash shit was not awarded due to no ones meriting it.  Poop Chute hosted a barbecue at the end so it was a good hash for all that attended.
243		This was another Can't Talk Gotta Pee trail.  There was shiggy, mud, poison ivy, bugs, blacktop and church going rug rats.  We started where Warren Road ends and saw some new trail and fed some new mosquitos.  There were some failures to leave the 2nd beer stop which caused the awards to be jumbled.  Poop Chute Recruit was the FRB, no name Kris was the bridesmaid, and Baglady was DFL.  Fingered By You was the Hash shit award winner for washing the beer wagon with yellow water.  And of course the run sucked.
242		Run 242 was our 4th birthday as a hash.  4 years ago our hash was founded over beer in the Highlander Pub.  It was very reminiscent of that earlier time as about the same amount of people showed up.  Terrible turnout for a birthday run.  Those that did show were decked out in balloons.  The bars we stopped in congratulated us and gave us happy hour prices.  The weather was great.  No rain and no mud.
241		Run 241 was Queen La Queefa and Jizz Mop trying to make the hounds suffer.  There were 8 hounds but only 4 took to the trail.  The rest found pleasure in hanging out at the beer.  There were a few too many trains and decision points for 4 hounds.  There was a checkback of 24 hash marks.  The FRB was Puppycakes, DFL and Bridesmaid was Fingered By You.  Pixel Dick got his 50 award foot.  Trail was an A to B without a beerstop.  Females outnumbered the males.............
240		Puppycakes stepped in and hared for the absent Chicken Fried Butt Sex who had to work.  It was a long and wonderful trail quite unlike the normal pubcrawl puppycakes trails.  There was the traditional 3 beer stops which always makes puppycakes poor.  We had 23 on trail so it was a good turnout.  One virgin and 4 came back for their free beer.  The FRB was Spud Muncher, Bride's maid was No Name Travis, and DFL was Poop Chute Recruit .  The Hash shit was passed on to the Dew Angels who slipped their ends in the loop all cozy like and did their down down.  Tenors were One Golden Rug with 20, Prairie Ho with 80, Spud Muncher with 20, and Baglady with 220.  We had one virgin and a few returners.
239		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Poop Chute Recruit started us out from the remodeling Highlander pub.  We went a long way and were able to feed many a mosquito and even on the way to our third beer check, cram some dirt up our asses on a slide for life onto the greenway.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Tinki Winki Tube Smoker was the Bridesmaid, and No Name Chris was the DFL.  We had two virgins and no returners or teners.  Pixel Dick was allowed to keep his hash shit award as was Jizz Mop.  The event of the run was Poop Chute Recruit was seen running on more than one occasion.
238		Pixel Dick and On Golden Rug took us for a run down by the canal that was very crowded at first with bike racers.  The location of the beer stops was excellent as we were drinking by the falls on a couple of occasions.  The trail on the other hand sucked.  We had police cars parking over decision points, parked trains blocking trail, and the hares came back with more flour than they left with.  Danger lurked around the beer stops.  The falls were precarious as several opportunities to sit down rapidly were taken.  Yeastie Boy was the first.  Actually he laid down.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Yeastie Boy was the Brides Maid and Prairie Ho was the DFL.  Pixel Dick failed to run with the Hash Shit award and kept it well hidden at the down down.  Don't let me fail to mention that it was hot...............
237		Can't Talk Gotta Pee stepped in and hared for Queen La Queefa.  We were led up and down the streets of Augusta with out any rhyme or reason, typical trail.  The hash started on an ominous note as Jizz Mop did a hit and run with his Blazer, nearly killing our poor hare's bag of flour.  The hashshit award was his later on.  The other hash shit was awarded to Pixel Dick and his leaving the hash without beer last week.  No Name Julia was named at the hash and shall forever be known as "CrankHerSore".  No Name Chris was named also and will be forever known as "Brown-eyed Starfish".  CrankHerSore was the DFL, Spud Muncher was the bridesmaid and the FRB ran too fast for me to remember.   NOTE TO HASH:  No Beer Stops at the Mellow Mushroom (semi-hash unfriendly and expensive)
236		Chicken Fried Butt Sex started us out from the Teresa's on Boyscout Road.  The proprietor's spied us drinking in the parking lot and came to check and see if we were those "runners".  The beer stops were appreciated as the beer quality was improved.  The trail had poison ivy, quicksand like mud, hills, fences, ditches, and even a creek.  Typical trail...  Some brave hashers and virgins sampled the muddy bad trail for some reason, like the hare would run into the swamp and not leave footprints, only flour.......  Others braved the poison ivy to relieve themselves on trail.  The rash should be special.  Puppycakes (230) and Chicken Fried Butt Sex (110) were ten'ers.  We had 3 virgins come in as the FRB, DFL, and Bridesmaid.  The hashshit was still a no show but would have been easily won by Pixel Dick for not having the beer truck at the finish.  The pack showed up and the beer truck was gone.  Luckily hashers carry beer and the downdown was saved.
235		Pixel Dick, OGR, and Dead Peter Beater laid a trail out by the Green Jacket Stadium.  It was hot, trail was too long and there were no beer stops.  Puppycakes was the FRB, Baglady was the DFL.  The cops interrupted the prelaying of trail as beer was involved.  It just goes to show you that you shouldn't prelay.  Attendance was a bit weak.
234		Hardly Ever Comes led us through downtown Augusta as we showed our Cinco De Mayo spirit.  The run was too long and there was not enough beer, as is the case with every run.  He did up the ante with a down down of coronas.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, and Poop Chute Recruit was once again the hash shit winner.  The other award winners are lost in a blur of Schlitz beer vapors.  Had a couple of returners as Cum Squat finally got her ten runs (only took 3 years).  Red Headed Tit Sister got her 10th run in only 2 years.  We also said good bye to Hermaphrodick as he heads to Germany with his concubine, Insufficent Cums.
233		Hermaphrodick and Meat the Beaver led us on a shiggy rich trail that ended in a beerless park.  The beer was soon to arrive but many a hasher nearly died.  Starting point was the soccer park near Wrightsboro Road and Belair.  Good location and good trails but then again, we didn't use the good ones.  The FRB, DFL, and Bridesmaid is unknown as the hares were more than happy to drink for the slip up.  It had been a while since we had done an A to B run.  Jizz Mop (90) and Lick him when he comes (10) were tenors. This past weekend there was a hashing religious event as many microbreweries brought their wares to Augusta just to have hashers drink them.  At least 12 hashers attended.  Those hashers that missed drank one to make up for lost beer.
232		Spud Muncher led us on a shiggy trail without the aid of flour.  No one brought any.  Seems our beer meister decided to keep his job and not skip out to hash.  Cold beer was on hand so all was avoided.  Spud Muncher used generous supplies of ass wipe to mark trail.  Udderly Delicious collected it up in case someone needed to go.  All went well until the hare laid out the last beer stop and the hounds never found it.  The hare did manage to make it to the down down in the nick of time to drink for a shitty trail.
231		Dead Peter Beater and On Golden Rug led us on a short chase from Eisenhower Park and across the canal a couple of times.  The down down was compromised by what appears to have been a little league tournament.  The first beerstop was a more work than reward as we had to climb up the steep embankment of the RiverWatch bridge support.  All we got was a light beast or Schlitz for our troubles.  Had a couple of returners.  Hermaphrodick and Insufficient cums were there as was Sweaty Beaver.
230		We showed up with our green jackets and did our annual traipsing up and down the Master's event area.  The only problem was our hares, Jizz Mop and Hardly Ever Comes put about a dozen hills and some extra distance between us and our first beer stop.  What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and yes our thirst was stronger.  FRB was Spud Muncher, DFL was On Golden Rug, and the bridesmaid was Tit-tanic.  We had plenty of returners, a virgin, and Eager Beaver won the best golf outfit and putting competition.
229		Can't Talk Gotta Pee showed us all the shiggy we needed for an evening.  We met at the Highlander and saw every major hillside.  Short trail that kept us off road and in the shiggy for the majority of the trail.   Hardly Ever Comes was the FRB.  He and his two dogs zenned to the end.  Hermaphrodick and Sodomize my Hussein were the co-bridesmaids and Jizz Mop was the DFL.  Tit-Tanic was a tenor with 70 runs.  No virgins or visitors to be had.
228		Puppycakes and a guest hare "Cums in Spurts" laid a trail in a rainless Geogia Evening.  It didn't rain albeit it looked like it would.  We were joined by another visiting hasher "Meet the Beaver" who will be available to run with us for a while.  He was the FRB with Pixel Dick being the bridesmaid and no name Julia being DFL.    Hardly Ever Comes narrowly missed a renaming ceremony as he was caught giving beer to his trouser worm.  We call that pouring beer in our crotch for those thinking worse thoughts.
227		Can't Talk Gotta Pee did the unthinkable.  He hared a trail, while enjoyable, lacked any BEER.  There were no beerstops, there were no beer checkpoints, their were nothing but tears to fill our beer glasses.  Any guess who received the HashShit award.  Cumes in Spurts from the NC Trash Hash was FRB with Spank My Spuds coming in DFL.  The Bridesmaid was a hound (for real) so Spud Muncher drank for holding the leash.  We named no name Chris as his story line was beginning to demand recognition.  He will forever be known as the "Lord of the Rim".  Pick your own version of the story until you hear his.
226		Chicken Fried Butt Sex hared our St Paddies Day romp through downtown Augusta.  We had some virgins and returners on our quest.  The star of the night was Butt Conductor as he pleaded the hash into giving him a new name.  For his efforts, he was awarded both hash shit awards and a fine new name.  He will forever be called "Poop Chute Recruit".  We also named early, no name Josh for something the harriets noticed.  He will forever be called "Nut Juggler", no relation to "Cock Juggler".  Trail sucked, Puppycakes was the only tenor with 220, and Pixel Dick was the FRB, go figure.......
225		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Tinki Winki Tube smoker let us through the trails around the North Augusta Boat Ramp.  Good trails except for the shortage of BEER at the stops.  The hares of course were very close to winning the hash shit award and would have if Pixel Dick hadn't let the munchie bucket develop a smell like ass..........  We had a one new virgin and a naming.  No Name Dale will for now and ever be known as "Erectile Phobia".
224		Hardly Ever Comes led us on a merry chase through briars and up steep hills adorned in broken glass and cast off garbage.  That is the good part of the trail, the rest sucked.  We started at the Highlander and actually had good weather.  Many a returner showed up and even a visitor or two.  Depends came back from Iraq to prelube, run, lube, and go back to Iraq to sign the newly penned constitution.  Pixel Dick was the FRB and JizzMop was the DFL which boggles the mind.  The hash shit was given to the hare for his efforts.  Tit-Tanic received her 69th run flashlight.  Dirt Diggler and Dead Peter Beater received 30th run recognition.  No Name Johnny was named "On Golden Rug"  or "O GRrrr" for short.  Strange name with a stranger tail.  We also managed to drink a few beers for our troubles.
223		Pixel Dick and Dead Peter Beater started us from a new place which was good but the trail was getting washed away by all the f-en rain, which was bad.  Good turn out for rain which was cold but the beer was cold so we were all warm inside.  The beer was hard to find as most beer stops were found via electronics.  The hare was snared after the last beer stop.  Dead Peter Beater can sure skidaddle when she has to though.  Dirt Diggler returned after a long hiatus and we had a tener sneak under the wire, Fluffer.  Someone came in first, fourth and last but it was raining so I didn't commit it to memory.  I was overjoyed at the discovery of Heineken in the cooler.  It may be of interest for hashers that the homeless were out in full force last night.
222		Jizz Mop, Butt Conductor, and virgin hare Shannon laid a trail from the old comedy club to all over Washington Road.  NoGnads, using the speed God gave him, snared no name Shannon before they could safely get to the 2nd beer stop.  The first beer stop was a short leg followed by a blood trail to the 2nd beerstop.  The cutzu crop is coming along nicely.  At least the thorny vines are.  Trail was at times confusing which kept us from going down two long bad trails.  Pixel Dick did a wonderful job on the modification of the hash shit award, but alas, the glue is not holding the butt plug in place.  We picked up a couple of virgins from the T-Bones and had one haring.  Had a visitor from Pensecola "Swab D Bone" who helped us hash.  The DFL was one of the virgins, Bridesmaid was NoGnads, and FRB was Pixel Dick.  NoGnads and Pixel Dick missed the last beer stop due to problems with their part of the trail, the zenning part.   Dead Peter Beater drank for her hash shit award, earned for missing a hash she was haring.
221		Butt Conductor and No Name Dale took us into some new turf that started from the Finish Line Cafe.  The trail was interesting and definately required flashlights.  Trail had a few foopah's.  Crossed itself at the chalk talk spot which was very confusing.  Bags and beer cans were called into use as the flour was running low.  3 beer stops so it was all mostly forgiven.  Spud Muncher was FRB, Hardly Ever Comes was DFL, and Bridesmaid was Tinki Winki Tube Smoker.  We had Hardly with 125 runs, Spank My Spuds with 40, and Tinki Winki Tube Smoker with 10.  Utterly Delicious sneaked by with an undetected 10 due to a late entry in the book.  Fluffer scoured the gutter and got us a couple of virgins who will be very easy to name when the time comes.
220		Hardly Ever Comes fulfilled his duties as religous advisor by praying for rain while he hared.  There just isn't any other way to explain why it always rains when he hares.  Pixel Dick was a tenor with 30 runs, Hershey Highway reached her 25th run and got the foot.  The Hash Shit made it to one half of the hare team that never showed up.  No Name Johnny got his hash shit award.  Tit-Tanic was seen walking a horse during the hash.  Spank My Spuds had a birthday and her and Spud Muncher auto hared to all but one beer stop (they were late or they would have driven to them all).  Can't Talk was on trail, enough said......shitty trail.
219		The run had a major glitch, the hares never showed up.  Hermafrodick and Jizz Mop jumped in and laid an excellent trail, even managing to keep us from being hit by trains.  The FRB was Sodomize My Hussein, Bridesmaid was Baglady, DFL was Insufficient Cums.  Insufficient Cums once again visited us from Atlanta so we'll have to return the favor.  The hash sits were awarded the hares that didn't show up.  Pixel Dick drank for them in effigy.  No Name Trish managed to require that we name her ahead of schedule.  The things she did somehow didn't get in the name though.  She will now and forever be known as "Sodomize My Hussein".  Pixel Dick is doing an excellent job as BeerMeister and should be given the job for life.....
218		Puppycakes and Pixel Dick proved white men over 40 can still lay trail and not get caught.  Jizz Mop was the Bridesmaid, Hardly Ever Comes the DFL, and SpudMuncher was FRB.  The trail consisted of some good old fashioned YBF's that caused some late arrivals at the beer stops.  Dead Peter Beater survived an attempt to rename her for some exploits too heinous to mention here.  Andy's was the on-after and deserves serious considerations for additional on-afters as the food was smokin..........
217		Dead Peter Beater and Udderly Delicious hared from the Last Call parking lot.  Not a great turnout for a Saturday.  We had a total of 8.  The hash went well with one virgin in attendance and two returners.  For the on-after, the hash went to Pixel Dick's to view the burning of the yard crap and for beer and beer butt chicken.
216		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and virgin hare Cockfighter took us on a trip around downtown Augusta which had the pack missing the last beer stop.   Chicken Fried Butt Sex was rewarded for his 100th run and 25th haring.  The Pixel Dick was rewarded for his not bringing the hashshit award.  Lucky we had two so now he has two.  There were 5 virgins and 2 namings.  No Name Becka is now known as "Udderly Delicious" and No Name Sondra is now known as "Fluffer".
215		The team of Spank My Spuds, Spud Muncher and Tinki Winki the Tube Smoker laid  a good trail through some new woods that we hadn't fully explored.  There were a couple of problems with the trail as they had not cleared it of ticks, snakes, and turtles.  There were 3 turtle checks total found on trail.  This is a modern day record, especially for 3 hare runs.  The turtle check is usually used to protect the hares from getting caught.  Guess what, it didn't work as Spud Muncher was snared.  He was a recipient of the hash shit for his lack of prowess.........  Queen La Queefa received FRB honors, Jizz Mop the Bridesmaid, and Hardly Ever Comes the DFL.  No name Stu will forever be known as "cockfighter".  He had a "short sword" fight with Can't talk during a past urine fest.  No name Mike will forever be known as "Tinki Winki the Tube Smoker".  Just imagine the purple tele-tubby with a cigar and you'll be tracking the logic here.
214		Dead Peter Beater and Butt Conductor took us on a romp past all their watering holes and then stopped at different ones.  Some how they talked Tony Roma's into $1 beers and half price appetizers.  The trail was a bit sketchy at times and there were some pedestrians that dimed them out.  At one point we were in an abandoned farm house in the middle of Augusta's main shopping area, go figure.   The hash also saw the naming of no name Todd to "spud muncher".  Rumor is that it is a name he legitimately has earned.  Pixel Dick won the hash shit for making glass shattering noises during our cold ass run.
NA		Christmas Party was at Rio Bomba.  We had about 17 in attendance.  All will receive run credit in their stockings
213		PuppyCakes and Baglady led a merry band of Santa Claus up and down Broad Street.  Channel 12 threatened to track us down but they don't threaten worth a damn.  There were few exceptions as everyone had the Christmas spirit.  No Name Stu was FRB, Queen La Queefa was the Bride's Maid, Butt Conductor was the DFL.  Butt Conductor got one of the hash shit awards as he forgot to bring it to the hash.  No Name Stu received the other hash shit for crossing swords with Can't Talk during one of Can't Talk's many pee interludes.  Queefa Sniffer was the first 4 legged hasher to hit 20 runs.  Trail was of course wonderful.  Joe's underground fed us for a fee upon our finishing.
212		Hermafrodick and Chicken Fried Butt Sex took us on a virtual tour of the muddiest parts of town.  We started near Green Jacket stadium and toured the beautiful scenery nearby.  Our first beer stop had us on a dock that was half sinking into Lake Olmstead.  Our second beer stop had us wondering if we were participants in a drive by.  Our 3rd beer stop left us near dead.  All this was encased in a trip down a shit colored road of liquid goo.  The zenners, Hardly Ever Comes and Queen LaQueefa were the FRB, No Name Mike was the bridesmaid, and Puppycakes, weighed down by the beerstop beer, was DFL.  The hares received the hash shit award as a momento of the hash's love.
211		Hardly Ever Comes led us on a little figure 8 trail which had us spilling our beers.  Trail just plain sucked...........  We didn't go far but we did spill beer.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB, Jizz Mop the DFL, and Can't Talk for getting lost was the DFL.  Butt Conductor was the big winner as it was his birthday and he was a new divorcee.  He lost one ball and chain for a new one as we gave him the Hash Shit award.  Hermaphrodick won one also for shits and grins.  Jizz mop got up to 75 runs and got his foot.  There was one heck of a lot of phone calling on trail but everyone seemed to escape punishment.
210		Can't Talk Gotta Pee led us around for far to long without beer.  We also managed to run by perfectly good bars and not stop for beer.   No name Erica was named on this her 6th run.  She will forever be known as the "Red Headed Tit Sister".  Sweaty Beaver and Salty Jugs made an appearance which is fairly hards since Sweaty Beaver is in Oregon.  Hermaphrodick, Salty Jugs, and Can't Talk were Teners.  Can't Talk joined the elusive 100 run club as our 5th ever member.  We don't have meetings and it don't mean much but welcome to the club.  Insufficient Cums visited us from Atlanta and we may see her again.
POTLUCK		Our annual potluck Thanksgiving bash was held at the home of Dirt Diggler and Hershey Highway.  Many thanks to them for opening their home to the drunken masses.  The A-list of hashers was there with some very interesting and tasty food.  There was a very popular ham concoction that involved some alcohol in the recipe.  There was the deep frying of the turkey that required some alcohol in the cooks.  The hash discovered some new beers and sampled others that should remain undiscovered.  Why would Michelob come in Cranberry flavoring????  Lots of fun was had as there were games like:  screw the door shut and see who tries to get out, or "lets call Pixel Dick".  You gotta love the holiday season............
209		Puppycakes led us on a crooked little trail that had all the hashers zenning straight to the bars of choice.  It was crazy hat night and everyone was in style.  Jizz Mop even wore a different Georgia hat.  Speaking of Jizz, he was the FRB, Butt Flap was the bridesmaid, and Dirt Diggler was the DFL.  The hash shit award went to Spent Rod (formerly no name Dave) for putting an empty beer bottle in the cooler.  Spent Rod took over 3 years to show up 6 times but he did it and we named him.  We had 2 virgins and a bunch of returners.  Butt Flap hit the magic number 25 and Baglady hit 190.  On a sad note, it would seem that Jerry's Bar has closed its doors.  We'll be accepting resumes for another bar to take its place.
208		Can't Talk Gotta Pee took the hash for a little romp through the normal uptown locations.  In true Can't Talk fashion, he was almost snared but at the last minute escaped into the safety of Joe's Underground.  Tit-Tanic celebrated her 60th run and Queen La Queefa celebrated her 80th.  Jizz Mop & Free Willie managed to auto hash the whole run.  The hash shits were awarded accordingly.  No Name Erica now has 5 runs so we'll be naming her soon.
207		The 3rd Annual Red Dress Run featured some of the ugliest women you'd ever meet.  Puppycakes and Baglady laid out a simple trail for the highheel clad crowd to follow.  We thrilled them in Joe's Underground.  We posed for pictures in Jerry's.  Her beer compressor is still out and we drank from the bottle.  We Wowed them in the Playground. We amazed them in Rio Bomba's.   Jerry's and the Playground gave us great deals.  Support them whenever possible.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Queen La Queefa the Bridesmaid, and Dead Peter Beater was DFL.  Pixel Dick was tener with 20, Jizz Mop had 70 and Puppycakes was the first to reach 200.  The Least Dressed woman was Dead Peter Beater.  The best cross dresser was Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  The hasher most likely to get picked up by a man was Free Willie.  Many a hasher was propositioned tonight.  The town was dead and the bars were dead.  We were the only excitement.  Speaking of excitement, the pictures of Can't Talk and Peter Beater should be good.  Jizz Mop received his 69th run flashlight.  Queen La Queefa and PuppyCakes celebrated their birthdays and Prairie Ho made a great cake that made every ones teeth red..............  Kudos to the religious advisor for providing great weather.  Who was that other guy that always gave us rain?
206		Run 206 started with a riverside barbecue where much beer was drank.  Touch My Monkey and Queen La Queefa tested the river water and except for Monkey's shrinkage, they returned to us safely.  We were beset upon by a 1 1/2 year old bull dog who was showing off his tounge to the ladies.  The owners had a hell of a time reclaiming him before he became a hasher and started drinking with us.  Monkey's Aireola made up for lost time with a few boob checks.  This is after Queen La Queefa showed some skin, provided a mild sex show for the camera and queefed on her leg , marking her territory.  Tit-tanic negotiated a group rate for 5 of the hashers to get tattoos.  They got an early jump on the pub crawl when they went to go under the needle.  There should be about 5 hashers showing off their new on-on foot tattoos come Wednesday night.  The pubcrawl was done in segments as some started from the tattoo parlor and some started from the hotel.  The Betty Ford Clinic will probably be expecting calls from us.
205		Run 205 was a pubcrawl in Helen Georgia.  Due to the extreme expense in visiting Helen, if you made the trip you got credit for the run.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us on a trail from the Safari Bar to the Wurst Bar.  No one complained about the size of their beer as they were huge.... In attendance were Dead Peter Beater, Baglady, Puppycakes, Pixel Dick, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, Queen La Queefa, Jizz Mop, Tit-tanic, Cumsquat, Java Spooge, Free Willie, Touch My Monkey, and Monkey's Aireola.  Java came late and had to be grabbed off of the street.  Free Willie wondered in later also.  The Monkey's were at the hanging with the oompah band at the festehall, doing the chicken dance.
204		Run 204 is in the books with Dead Peter Beater, Pixel Dick, and Butt Conductor haring.  It started over by the Target shopping area on Wheeler Woods Road.   The hash was typical of 3 virgin hares.  Something was bound to go wrong and between the 2nd and 3rd beer stop it did.  Dead Peter Beater got snared and Butt Conductor laid trail back to the start, by passing the beer stop where Pixel Dick was waiting.  The FRB was Jizz Mop, Brides Maid was Queefa Sniffer, DFL was Pixel Dick (hare).  Queen La Queefa and Prairie Ho received 75 run awards.  Spank My Spuds received a 30 run award.  Dead Peter Beater received the hash shit award for spray painting NA beer and trying to get the hash to drink it.  Pixel Dick got the other hash shit award for giving his away to DPB.  He looked lost without the award.  Dead Peter Beater went to a lot of trouble to prepare the woods for our arrival but the miscue on trail threw everything off.    She also used about half a roll of duct tape to hold her shorts together.  No Name CJ visited us from Louisiana and No Name Dale was our virgin.
203		Chicken Fried Butt Sex hared yet again in his quest for 25.  We started from the Highlander and weaved our way through the dark areas of the Greenway.  Except for some stinginess with the flour, the trail sucked.   The FRB was Queen La Queefa, bridesmaids were Prairie Ho and Baglady.  The DFL was Pixel Dick.   Pixel Dick also won the hash shit award for trying to imitate Yeastie Boy.  His haircut did him in.  Hermafrodick celebrated his birthday and we of course told him  how pleased we were for him.  Yeah right....................  Hardly Ever Comes snuck under the radar as a tener (110).  Queen La Queefa also snuck past with 75..........
202		Chicken Fried Butt Sex hared with Queen La Queefa and managed to forget what the pack said about short.  We had to cross Wheeler road a couple of times and no one managed to ride the bumper of a car.  The weather looked ominous but never delivered any rain.  No tener's, no virgins, no returners, and no special recognition other than the usual.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Pixel Dick the DFL, and Tit-tanic was the bridesmaid.    Dead Peter Beater and Pixel Dick were rewarded in the circle for bringing the marvel of technology (phone) on the run.  There didn't seem to be any water drank nor was any beer left at any of the beer stops.  We followed up the run with a short mismanagement meeting on the upcoming Helen Oktoberfest.  Hershey Highway is going to try her hand as the new haberdasher and give Baglady a break.  The lack of Saturday participants was also brought up and will be readdressed at a later mismanagement.
201		Hermafrodick took us for a jaunt that started by the canal at 13th street and then went through the glamorous part of town.  We were climbing thru weeds and garbage under overpasses.  We were running through fields where they grow nothing but sand spurs.  We spent more time on the railroad tracks than trains do.  The good part was we went to Green Streets and didn't sing anything..........  The FRB was a tie between Chicken Fried Butt Sex and No Name Stu.  No Name John was the Bridesmaid, and Baglady was the DFL.  Java Spooge and Dead Peter Beater were tener's and Hermafrodick was allowed to keep the hash shit as he neglected to wear it on the run anyway.
200		Our 200th run/pubcrawl is in the history books now.  We had an excellent turnout as it was a virtual who's who of returners.  Plenty of virgins and all told we were hovering around the 40 number.  We killed a cooler at the beginning and managed to kill numerous pitchers at 6 bar stops.  We spent a few hundred dollars to make the bars happy.  Hardly Ever Comes hared his second hundred celebration as he hared the 100th run/pubcrawl.  Baglady outdid herself in making everyone a shirt and getting a mug for everyone.  The down down was cancelled before the run so we could end in a bar and get food.  We did drink a toast to ourselves earlier though.  Good thing as the DUI task force was parked next to most of our cars precisely at the time we would have left or been enjoying a down down.  The new open container law kept the crowd small for first Friday and somewhat slowed us down.  Some bars didn't have sufficient pitchers or their beer coolers were dead and we drank from the bottle.  We had a couple tener's, a 25'er, and a naming that we'll celebrate on the 201st.  As with all our trails, the trail sucked, the hare sucked, and we sucked, beer of course.
199		Chicken Fried Butt Sex took up the challenge and gave us a run that was reminiscent of a Priest Fodder run.  Reminiscent in that it sucked first of all and that it started in SC, went to GA, made a couple of stops, and then went back to SC.  The bridge is a long and lonely bit of trail that urges one to run.  Running is one of the urges we try and control in the hash.  Baglady was a ten'er with 180 runs, Dirt Diggler got his 25th run foot, Dead Peter Beater was color coordinated, Java Spooge's no-name-Stu had new shoes to drink out of, and Tit-tanic and company auto hashed.  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Queen LaQueefa was the Bridesmaid, and Can't Talk Gotta Pee was the DFL.  The hare took liberties with the awarding of the placements.  No-name-Julie was named and will be forever known as "Eat My Paste".  One stop was Green Streets and the hare bought us a song to sing before chasing after him.  Other hashers kept putting quarters in the Karaoke juke box and we never got a chance to sing it as time was flying by.   The hash shit went to Chicken Fried Butt Sex in commemoration of his Fodder-like run.
198		Chicken Fried Butt Sex was bitten by the flu bug so Dirt Diggler hared with PuppyCakes as cohare.  The weather was hot, the beer cold, and the trail was figured out by the hares as the hares ran it.  It had shiggy and obstacles and beer.  It must have sucked to have had all that going for it.  Reminder to the hash, it is still too hot to run in the afternoon on Saturday.  The FRB was JizzMop, Bridesmaid was Jail House Cock, and DFL was Baglady.  No name Patrick now has 5 runs and will be named at his next run.  No name Julie (absent today) also has 5 runs.  Both virgins belong to Smell my Puppy and hopefully he will have them at the next hash.  We named one of our newest hashers, No Name Geoff.  He is moving here and has managed to hash some with the Oregon hash and had enough runs but was yet to be named.  With the dirt we had, we now and forever know him as "Jail House Cock".  Hermafrodick kept the hash shit award as he somehow managed to smuggle Busch NA beverage to the hash and then put it in the real bear cooler and not the water cooler.  The on-after was at the Wheeler Tavern and it was cheap.  $5 pitchers until 8pm.  That is a  quality happy hour.
197		Priest Fodder hared but yet again as it was his last run with the Peach Fuzz Hash in the forseeable future.  Our RA leaves us after 117 runs and 3 years of religious advising.  Touch My Monkey made his return to assist in the haring and true to form they combined on a trail that basically sucked or so goes the opinion of the hounds.  Hardly Ever Comes has assumed the duties as the Religious Advisor and looks forward to the task.  Weather should improve.  Hermafrodick has returned after a couple of years away.  Backdoor Princess was back for the first time since the war began.  We had both hashshit awards in the same spot for the first time ever.  Butt Flap received the hashshit award for walking up late to a gathered mob.  Hermaphrodick received one for falsely accusing the honorable personage of the GM.  7 inches in my mouth managed to break one of them but only temporarily.  He also arrived with a sandwich sign declaring his crime of choosing school over hashing.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB, 7 inches in my mouth was the bride's maid, and Satan's Spunk Dumpster was the DFL.  Puppy Cakes was the lone tenor with 190 runs.  We had a couple of virgins and we drank a lot of heinekens in Priest Fodder's honor.
196		Priest Fodder took a meandering trail and dragged the hash with him.  The brand new open container law dampened some spirits as we were forced to drink in the bars and not between the bars.  JizzMop was the FRB, PuppyCakes the bridesmaid, and Satan's Spunk Dumpster the DFL.  Spunky also received her 25th run foot.  Teners were Queen LaQueefa and Butt Flap.  Queenie also received her flashlight for her 69th run last week.  JizzMop received the hashshit award once again as he failed to bring it along on trail with him and it miraculously appeared at the down down.  No Name Julie was recognized as she will be named next run.  No Name Kathy was named on this her 6th run.  She will be now and forever known as "Dead Peter Beater".  The story is worth every minute.  Gags on the Bone showed up at the end but not in time to cohare.  She is leaving us for England but promises to do a boob check in December when she returns.  Mark your calendars.  Can't Talk Gotta Pee dragged new shoes along on the run so that he could enjoy a beer from them and then use them on future runs.
195		10 hashers braved the rain, mud, soccer moms, and white tail deer to hash the river's edge near the water treatment plant in North Augusta.  Yeastie Boy and Prairie Ho laid a trail that consisted of numerous colored ribbons as the rain was not kind to flour.  We all stayed dry as the rain was holding off until after the down down.  Queen LaQueefa hit run 69 and Yeastie Boy hit the magic 50 and received his foot.  Also Kojackoff, Pixel Dick, and Prairie Ho were tenors.  The FRB was PuppyCakes, DFL was no-name Kathy, and the Bridesmaid was Kojackoff.  No-name Kathy received her lanyard and whistle as she will be named next hash.
194		Chicken Fried Butt Sex hared yet another trail on his quest for the flashing mug.  Queen La Queefa supplied him with companionship on trail as his cohare.  We started from the Electrolux parking lot which is one of the rare hashes along the Columbia county border.   Not a bad trail as the ensuing darkness obscured most of it by runs end.  There were obstacles, mostly fences.  The course had sufficient beer and an abundance of mosquitos.  We did have to run by the DUI school where we were informed that they almost called 911 for the white powder the hares were tossing about.  Another Anthrax scare for the mentally challenged.  Throwing fistfulls of Anthrax with your barehands is the obvious dispersion method of choice.     The turnout was mediocre as only 9 braved the trail.  Baglady was the FRB, No Name Kathy the DFL, and Satan's Spunk Dumpster or Smell My Puppy was Bridesmaid.  The on-after found us eating greek food.
193		Chicken Fried Butt Sex laid a trail through down town that had Can't Talk Zenning to the beer stops and leading the pack with him.  There was the opportunity after the second beer stop for Chicken Fried to have gone back to the beer but he had to take the scenic route and we suffered greatly as we cruised around for quite some time without the cool comfort of beer.  JizzMop was the FRB, Can't Talk Gotta Pee was the Bridesmaid, Satan's Spunk Dumpster was DFL, and JizzMop was the Hashshit.  Jizz's virgin ( a gift from Tit-tanic) was seen buying not one but two beers at a beer stop while there was beer in the pitchers.  The Vegesexual brought back the hash shit from its trip to Guam, Alaska, Oregon, and Florida.  It is well traveled and dented to boot.  The vegesexual is leaving us once again as somewhere in Florida there are watermelons without seed, his seed..................  JizzMop was a tenor (60) and Tit-tanic was a tenor (50) but we missed her.     Butt Flap and Butt Conductor were the returners.  Just a couple of butt brothers.  Tit-Tanic's dog, no name emma was named "Jizz On Tits" to keep her name in the family.
192		A short run of perfection that was followed by a very successful hare raising.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB, Gags on the Bone was the Brides Maid, and Dirt Diggler secured the DFL position.   Prairie Ho reached run 69 and received her light.  Smell My Puppy reached run 30 and received his foot bottle opener.  Gags on the Bone, Chicken Fried Butt Sex, and Spank My Spuds were all returners.  No name Zarno (a.k.o. Tim) was named after his manhood and computer profession.  He will now and forever be known as "Pixel Dick".  A pixel is the smallest addressable unit on a display screen.  Translation, the smallest dick that can be viewed.............The new red hash mugs were unveiled and tested at this hash event.  The hare, puppycakes, was forced to drink a beer out of celebration for the quality of trail.
191		The run was spared the rain but not the humidity.  Java Spooge laid a trail which was A to B and completely uphill.  Not one piece of downhill except for bad trail.  Participation was a bit light but we ran none-the-less.  The FRB was Queen LaQueefa with Noname Zarno as Bridesmaid and Noname Kathy as DFL.  The police put a damper on things as not only did they follow the hare's vehicle with the hounds in the back from the end but another cop parked right next to the down down area.  He just sat there and successfully out-waited us.  The down down was scrapped and an on-after at Teresa's developed.  The hash bought a couple of pitchers and all was well.  Noname Zarno needs a name, Noname Kathy needs to taste the plunger, the guys were outnumbered and that is tragic as they would have had to drink.
190		Hardly Ever Comes and Smell My Puppy took us to places we had never been in North Augusta.  We have circled those never before places (park) but we finally ran through it.  Many hashers tried their skill at the swingset, while others balanced on the picnic table and consumed beer.  The trail was complicated by Can't Talk Gotta Pee trying to erode trail with his own unique markings.  M.I. Passing Glass was FRB, Queen LaQueefa was the bridesmaid, and Dirt Diggler was DFL.  Satan's Spunk Dumpster was a tenor and we had some returners.  Fodder and son returned as well as Vegesexual.  There were birthdays and anniversaries to commemorate and of course cake to consume.  Rumor is that the run sucked...........
189		First there was the rain, then there was Yeastie Boy going to work unexpectedly, then there was the babysitter not showing up, and then there was the hash to hare.  Prairie Ho, all things considered, managed to lead us on a trail where she somehow drove her car fast enough so she never got snared.  She also had a shit load of checkbacks, which had the rain not eaten half the marks, that would have been less of a challenge to the hasher faithful.  We had a returner in No Name Julie,  1.5 years between hashes.  Queefa Sniffer was FRB, Hardly Ever Comes was Bridesmaid, and Satan's Spunk Dumpster was DFL.
188		The rain let up just long enough for Hardly Ever Comes to lead us on our challenging run.  The distance between the first beer stop and the starting point was far from acceptable.  The next beerstop was more reasonable.  The FRB was Queen La Queefa with Java Spooge serving as Bride's maid.  Missionary Impossible returned after a long absence to be the DFL.  We had 4 virgins, 3 that Dirt Diggler had coming and one that Can't Talk Gotta Pee let go of long enough to so she could do a down down.  He used a shopping cart to trap her or so the story goes.  The run had educational opportunities but if you ask me, it was a dangerous and bloody run.  Hardly Ever Comes was responsible for Puppycakes breaking his hash mug.  Shattered beyond usability.  Lets not forget Queefa Sniffer's efforts to take on a pitbull.  She also ate half a pound of chips at the on after.
187		Good turn out for the pubcrawl.  We paid our respects to Joe's Underground, The PlayGround, Jerry's, and the Eagle's Nest.  We had a few virgins.  If you want credit for their being there, email Puppycakes.  All in all a good evening if you overlook Smell My Puppy lending his credit card to the homeless.......
186		The rain let up long enough for the hash to go for it.  There were a few returners:  No Name Patrick, Satan's Spunk Dumpster, Salty Jugs, and Sweaty Beaver.  Salty Jugs and Sweaty Beaver went off and got married but managed to find a legal technicality to keep paying taxes at the single rate.  Lickin Poopee received her 30th run foot bottleopener, Smell My Puppy received his 25th run foot, and Can't Talk Gotta Pee hit the big 90 runs.  7 inches in my mouth received the coveted hash shit award for choosing to study last week instead of hashing.  We had a couple of visitors:  no name John and Willie Wonka.  The FRB was No Name Zarno, the DFL was Salty Jugs and a whole bunch of hashers came in fourth.  Did I mention that Chicken Fried Butt Sex hared this crappy run from the Cotton Patch.
185		The rain waited for Puppycakes and Baglady to lay a short beer laden trail around the Highlander area.  Lots of beer, a boob check, everybody running and no poisen ivy led hashers to remark that the run sucked.  All in all, a success.  The FRB was Java Spooge, Smell my Puppy was the bridesmaid.  No name Zarno was lost on trail and was the favorite to become DFL but Lickin Poopee and Queen LaQueefa zenned the last 30 yards and came in last.  Queen LaQueefa was the DFL.  No Name Ryan was a returner and he managed to barf again.  Beer is not his beverage of choice.  Two hashes and two conversations with Ralph.  Queenie was a tenor with 60 runs.
184		Chicken Fried Butt Sex and Queen La Queefa took us on a nature trail that showed us where all the different shapes and sizes of poison ivy could be found.  They also failed to mention the numerous train stops (much longer than a turtle check) that they had planned.  There was plenty of heat and humidity plus what appeared to be the great cat burial ground.  MI Passing Glass was FRB, PuppyCakes was the bridesmaid and Butt Conductor was the DFL.  No name Devlin was named Butt Conductor.  Something to do wth which tunnel his train uses or something?
183		Can't talk gotta pee brought a new element to the hash.  We ran around the downtown Augusta area carrying water filled condoms.  I have to say that his "safe sex" hash caught most by surprise.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex was the FRB, Yeasty Boy was the Bridesmaid and PuppyCakes was DFL.  Can't talk modified the hash shit award so well that we determined he could keep it yet another week or until Priest Fodder does something to win it from him.  Baglady and PuppyCakes received the 100 run awards and 25 harings awards.  Priest Fodder still has to receive his.  When you run a 100 runs or more, you get a minature hash flag.  When you hare 25 runs or more, you get a blinking hash mug.
182		Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us on a merry chase that involved the longest back check yet..............25.  The hounds experienced periods of zenning which were caused by the hashes uncanny knowledge of the downtown area.  Chicken Fried Butt Sex received his 75th run foot and Puppycakes gets an IOU for a 175th run foot.  MI Passing Glass came out of hash retirement to attend.........
181		Smell My Puppy and Jizz Mop had Satan's Spunk Dumpster drive to the top of every hill in Augusta with a keg of beer in the vehicle knowing that hashers would climb those hills.  The sheer madness of it all was realized when Puppy and Jizz cornered the market on down downs.  They dared to inflict exercise upon the hash and were only brought back to their senses by the clean and refreshing taste of beer.  The DFL, bridesmaid, and FRB are of no consequence as they failed to keep tabs on those details during their studies of elevation charts.  Salty Jugs publicly announced that she and  Sweaty Beaver will ask a sky pilot for the right to legally cuddle.  The consecration of the cuddling to be held in Myrtle Beach on the 26th of July.  The hashshit award was tightly contested by the hares with Smell My Puppy being the more deserving of the two.
180		Jizz Mop,Queen La Queefa, Titantic, and no name Emma led us on a merry chase which tested the contents of our beer glasses.  Lots of long bad trails and YBF opportunities.  Sand Tramp with her auto hashing skills was the FRB, Puppycakes was the bridesmaid, and Hardly Ever Comes was the DFL.  Java Spooge, 7  Inches in my mouth, and Smell my puppy were tenners.  The hash shit was not awarded..............
179		PuppyCakes and Baglady led the pack on a short but shiggy filled run that started from the Highlander.  There were at least 4 nice hills that the rain had prepared which added to the pleasure.  As always, beer stops were plentiful and wonderful as there was Papst......  Jizz Mop was the FRB, Queen LaQueefa was the Bridesmaid and no name Joey was the DFL.  No name Jeremy won the hash shit for his ability to spew good beer on the ground.  No name Abbey was named Queefa Sniffer (or something like that).
178		Priest Fodder and Oops it Broke took us on a trail of biblical proportion.  Downtown Augusta never looked so wet.  We were stuck in Genesis and Noah should have been building the ark.  We were sloppy wet to the point some of our flashlights shorted out.  Priest Fodder had the cooler full of Heinekens and Fosters so all was forgiven.  Priest Fodder and Oops it Broke presented the hash with a new hash shit award and promptly won the right to carry it on its maiden voyage.
170		Run 170 took us up and down side streets between  Walton Way and Central Ave.  Priest Fodder in an attempt to redeem himself, schooled yet another hare in Butt Flap.  So far so good as the trail was followed by none other than the trail cutting bastard himself, Can't Talk Gotta Pee.  If he can stay on trail there either wasn't anywhere to urinate or there was ample flour.  Free Willie got his 30th run in and received his 30th run on-on-foot bottle opener.  FRB was Jizz Mop, Salty Jugs was the bridesmaid, and either Baglady or Can't Talk was DFL.  It doesn't matter as all 4 imbibed in the circle.  Priest Fodder took credit for the rain delay and drank to his own success
169		Run 169 was a retro hippy kind of run with everyone, including dogs, showing up in their tie-dyed finery or Led Zepplin lookalike garb (Buttflap).  Buttflap may not have been much more than a build up of pressure in daddy's groin in the 70's but he was able to dress the part as he was the best dressed.  The hares were the DFL's and almost missed the down down.  Priest Fodder's Haring School had its metal tested as two graduates and a virgin hare took on the responsibility of the 169th run.  We learned a few additional lessons for future runs.  The pack follows trail loosely and hares should not hide too close to trail.  The pack will range across roads and may encounter trail if it is pre-laid.  Pre-laid beer stops are a bad thing.  Last but not least we learned that Green Streets doesn't want beer on their stage or in their parking lot.  All in all, the gathering was good even if the trail maybe wasn't.
168		Run 168 was a auto hash.  Prizes and directions were left at various spots for teams to collect.  Obstacles arose as beer stops were engulfed in festivals and clues were more understood by the writer than the reader.  The hares (Prairie Ho, Baglady, Queen LaQueefa) did a lot of legwork getting ready for this hash.  Hopefully the next time we try it, the bugs will be in the goody bags and not in the details.
167		Run 167 was thrown together at the last minute by PuppyCakes.  We met at the Highlander and had a mismanagement meeting afterwards.  Trail consisted of plenty of beer and shiggy and not alot of distance.
166		Run 166 was at the Cotton Patch.  Hardly Ever Comes and Queen LaQueefa hared a traditional trip around downtown with the usual stops.  The lack of learning opportunities was a disappointment for some.  The getting done in time to get something to eat disappointed no one.
165		Our 2nd Annual Green Jacket Run was a resounding success with 22 runners!  Haring this most prestigious event were TiT-Tanic and Jizz Mop.  Best dressed had to go to Butt  Flap with his oh so stylish Green Jacket, red plaid slacks, white socks and black shoes.  Gotta Love It! There was one naming.  No Name Stacey, who may have set a record for taking two years to get named, is hence- forth and forever more known as CumSquat.  Something about peeing on TiT-Tanic's shoe at an impromtu pit stop at an ATM machine.   We had 3 virgins - No Name Rick, who obviously paid NO attention to his sponsor (SOTR) when the traditions were explained to him; Bitch In Heat made No Name Matt and No Name Adam come.  Our returners included Eager Beaver, Bitch in Heat, Missionary Impossible, Kojackoff, Back Door Princess and most importantly... THE FLAG!
164		Priest Fodder and Soldier of the Rear let us on a very wet hash and I don't mean beer.  There was something obviously wrong with a trail where Bag Lady cums in as FRB.  We did see a returner - Clitty Litter came back to us after a 6 month absence just to be awarded his 25 run foot.  Salty Jugs brought a sacrificial virgin, No Name Sven, into our midst and he actually stayed with the pack until rain ate the trail and half the group had to buy their own beer as they missed the beer stop.  Butt Flap was Bridesmaid and Jizz Mop was DFL.  Rumor has it that we will be reunited with the flag at the next hash.  To be continued...
163		This was the 100th hash for our religious advisor, Priest Fodder.  He was also the hare on this joyous occasion and forced us to consume beer at 6, count 'em, SIX, beer stops. We knew he was slipping when his head -HEAD! who said head? gear remained in place while in the circle.  Not to be out done by that act, his grand finale was tossing a poor defenseless taco at a support structure at the down down. We welcomed 2 virgins: No Name Merideth and Emma the dog.
162		We had 9 participants in the 162nd running of the hash.  Poopie - oops, did I say that out loud?  I mean Chicken Fried Butt Sex led us on a trail with some old and some virgin terrain in N. Augusta.  We had 3 returners - Hershey Highway, Skidy Cat all the way from Charleston and Soldier of the Rear.  We had a re-naming of Licken Chicken as she let it slip what she refers to CFBS at home.  Henceforth and forever more, she will be know as "Licken Poopie."  FRB was Soldier of the Rear, Hershey Highway was DFL as she didn't follow trail and  Bridesmaid was Skiddy Kat.  The on-after was at the Highlander.
161		With Can't Talk Gotta Pee and Free Willie as hares, there was a question as to how this run would stack up to the 82nd - Trail, who said trail, I'll take some of that!.  The similarities were the police and not much flour, that we could see, as they  led us on a merry chase through the woods and to a new (to us) bar .  The hares were snared by Chicken Fried Butt Sex on the second leg of the trail. A patriotic touch was added by Can't Talk when part of the trail consisted of a rock he brought back from France.  Anyone wishing to donate bodily fluids were given that opportunity.  CFBS drank for his 60th run, as Butt Flap and Salty Jugs drank for their 10th.  Free Willie was awarded his silver 25 Hash Run foot.  The hares drank numerous times (one drinks they all drink) for forgetting who came in as FRB, Bridesmaid and DFL, no No-Blows, and just because.
160		(guess who wrote this one...)The 160th running of the Peach Fuzz Hash House Harriers has passed.  It was a small but gamey group who turned out.  Was it pending war with Iraq?  Was it the tornado watch?  Was it the thought of another Priest Fodder?  No one knows for sure what kept them away.  There was the usual talk of "so and so isn't feeling well"  and "so and so said they were going to be here"  and "has anyone heard from the Princess?".  Trail was well marked, as is always expected from a Priest Fodder trail.  Beer was plentiful, and the small miserable rag tag group called the pack whined the entire time.  Puppy Cakes awarded the whiners with pacifiers in the shape of boobs and dicks.  The FRB was Jizz Mop, Bridesmaid was Titanic and CFB and PC brought up the rear (hmmmmmmmmmm) together as they skipped across the finish line holding hands to tie for the DFL.  Extensive talk about our missing flag had the group in a feeding frenzy ather quickly.  Fromunda Scout was last seen with it.  Has anyone seen him?  ON ON
159		Our St Paddy's Day hash was hared by Chicken Fried Butt Sex.  The rain managed to only drizzle on us a bit which was good since most bars were still closed.   The trail sucked as usual with too little flour and too little beer.  Most were properly adorned in some sort of greenery.  Prairie Ho received her 50th run award...  Once again those that braved the rain were rewarded with cold beer and the comradery of the hash.  Hardly Ever Comes broke with tradition and had good beer in the coolers.  There we were, Heineken and no Priest Fodder..........

Minutes of our first mismanagement session and 1st hash run

(9 June 2000)	(10 June 2000)
1.  Normal hash cash will be $5 per person	1.  First run is in the books.  Trail ran the spectrum from bad to good. (in attendance) Bag Lady, Butt First, Eager Beaver (hare), Kelly Girl, Leave her for beaver, Piece of tail, Rusted Twat, U.T.I., Ernie Meads, Karmen Spletzer (hare), Karen Kelly, Amanda Davidson, Don Reynolds, Jack (dog), One Eyed Swollow
2.  Virgins will get their first run free.	2.  A virgin hare failed to make the downdown .....
3.  Hashes will be at 2PM on Saturday unless special occasions demand otherwise.	3.  Sitting on the ice bare-assed was in high demand.
4. Mismanagment meetings will be at "The Highlander" Brittish pub which is in SC across the river from Augusta over the 13th street bridge.  Wednesday at 7PM may or may not be the time.....More to come...	4.  UTI had no pants on and Leave Her For Beaver was bleeding from the ass.  That is all we know, there is nothing more to tell.

Our first Red Dress Run........

The Red Dress run was attended by 24 hashers in some of the finest garments to grace Georgian streets. Super Ass Crotch was declared the best dressed for his little two piece ensemble that did little to cover his need to use Nair. Easy Breezy Beaver was second and got the prize of eating a fruit loop out of Super Ass Crotch's navel. You can't do that with flour...... The FRB was Can't Talk Gotta Pee for his expert use of automotive products (autohasher). KellyGirl was thoroughly harrassed as it was his birthday and Donkey Thong made a truly wonderful hash cake with fake grass and hash symbols and red dress runners. We had a couple of namings as no name Linda was named "Bachlava Slut", no name Gail was named "Easy Breezy Beaver", and do to her singing her I kissed a girl song, no name Cyndi was named "Girl Tungalingus"

Our 100th Run weekend and 2nd Onniversary (7 -9 June 02)
Friday was a pubcrawl which Hardly Ever Comes laid down and we wandered through First Friday. It was wierd not being the only ones walking the streets with beer in our hands. After a bunch of beers at the start, 6 beer stops, and plenty of beer at the end, you know the down down was going to be good. We named no name Patrick as he created the most God awful scent ever witnessed by sentient beings. And of course there were the skid marks. Combine that with his other transgressions and he is now known as "Skiddy Cat".

Saturday we started with a keg, moved to a new keg, back to the old keg and ended up with no keg. We are some drinking MoFo's. Priest Fodder and Easy Breezy had us touring the town in our togas. Talk about some wierd looking sunburns. We even caught the eye of one of the television news vans and gave them a card. There were beer stops a plenty as the run alone killed a 32gal keg. Afterwards we had a pizza bash that is still noticiable by the garlic butter stain in the Budget Inn parking lot. We sang some new songs at the down down and named a couple hashers. No name Devin is now and forever known as "Balls in my mouth" ask him why... and no name Jeff who is now the "Alabama SIster Slammer (ass)".

Sunday was a hangover hash of bagels and bloody mary's or memosa. Eager Beaver prelaid the shortest trail the hash has ever ran that was prelaid. Kind of a figure 8 of the hotel. If you wanted to run, sorry. If you wanted to drink, it was a great down down at the backyard of Priest Fodder's apartment. He will be losing his lease as it was a great time where we sang and enjoyed the eye candy shared by our visiting hashers. Special thanks to Clitty Litter and Soldier of the Rear for at least turning around and facing outward from the circle before they urinated. No name Lynne is now and forever known as "Queen La Queefa" ask her why...........

Our 200th run/pubcrawl 5 October 2003

Our 200th run/pubcrawl is in the history books now. We had an excellent turnout as it was a virtual who's who of returners. Plenty of virgins and all told we were hovering around the 40 number. We killed a cooler at the beginning and managed to kill numerous pitchers at 6 bar stops. We spent a few hundred dollars to make the bars happy. Hardly Ever Comes hared his second hundred celebration as he hared the 100th run/pubcrawl. Baglady outdid herself in making everyone a shirt and getting a mug for everyone. The down down was cancelled before the run so we could end in a bar and get food. We did drink a toast (mass down-down) to ourselves earlier though. Good thing as the DUI task force was parked next to most of our cars precisely at the time we would have left or been enjoying a down down. Some of us spent a while perched on top of the berm waiting for the law to leave. The new open container law kept the crowd small for first Friday and somewhat slowed us down. Some bars didn't have sufficient pitchers or their beer coolers were dead and we drank from the bottle. We had a couple tener's, a 25'er, and a naming that we'll celebrate on the 201st. As with all our trails, the trail sucked, the hare sucked, and we sucked, beer of course.

Runs 720-1000

Runs 501-720

The First 500 Runs